Proofreading please help

Hi,

I also need a little help with my proofreading. So far I'm supposed to write a memo to my professor explaining my progress. I was wondering if this memo was okay.

Date:          May 11, 2006

To:             Dr. Mackay

From:         Student

Subject:      My Progress toward My Studies

I am writing to discuss my progress in the completion of my degree. So far, I have completed all of my core courses and am nearly finished with taking the required courses for my major.

As you know, my goal is to go into the field of veterinary medicine. To achieve this goal, I have volunteered at the Humane Society and have shadowed a veterinarian at the Northeast Animal Clinic. From these experiences, I have gained nearly 100 hours in animal experience.  I also have gained some leadership experience by becoming Secretary of Sigma Alpha Lambda, an honor society on campus.

I have already taken the necessary perquisites for admission into the Texas A & M College of Veterinary Medicine, and have maintained a GPA of 3.3, in which I hope to improve by the end of my junior year. I have already taken the GRE, and plan to retake it in August to improve my scores. I haven’t yet put in a letter of application to the school, but I hope to do this the by end of fall semester 2006.

At our last meeting, we discussed options of alternative degree programs in case I don’t get admitted into a veterinary program. One program that I expressed interest in was Master of Public Health at the UT Houston School of Public Health. To help gain a perspective of this field I will be taking Environmental Health in the summer and Introduction to Epidemiology in the fall. Also to gain more field experience, I will begin volunteering at the Department of Veterans Affairs in which I can interact more with patients and learn more about the healthcare environment.

Overall, I believe that I am on track towards the completion of my degree and my plans for the future. I hope that my progress report was insightful and I hope to speak with you in the future to provide more update on my success.  

Thank You

Hi Jenor,

Welcome to the Forum. I think this is excellent. I've just made a few small suggestions, some just for typos.

I pay my vet a fortune to take care of my cat.

Good luck, Clive

Date:          May 11, 2006

To:             Dr. Mackay

From:         Student

Subject:      My Progress toward My Studies

I am writing to discuss my progress in the completion of my degree. So far, I have completed all of my core courses and am nearly finished with taking the required courses for my major.

As you know, my goal is to go into the field of veterinary medicine. To achieve this goal, I have volunteered at the Humane Society and have shadowed a veterinarian at the Northeast Animal Clinic. From these experiences, I have gained nearly 100 hours in animal experience.  I also have gained some leadership experience by becoming Secretary of Sigma Alpha Lambda, an honor society on campus.

I have already taken the necessary perquisites for admission into the Texas A & M College of Veterinary Medicine, and have maintained a GPA of 3.3, which I hope to improve by the end of my junior year. I have already taken the GRE, and plan to retake it in August to improve my scores. I haven’t yet put in a letter of application to the school, but I hope to do this the by end of fall semester 2006.

At our last meeting, we discussed options of alternative degree programs in case I don’t get admitted into a veterinary program. One program that I expressed interest in was Master of Public Health at the UT Houston School of Public Health. To help gain a perspective of this field I will be taking Environmental Health in the summer and Introduction to Epidemiology in the fall. In addition, to gain more field experience, I will begin volunteering at the Department of Veterans Affairs where I can interact more with patients and learn more about the healthcare environment.

Overall, I believe that I am on track towards the completion of my degree and my plans for the future. I hope that my progress report was insightful and I hope to speak with you in the future to provide more update on my success.  

Hi again,

To gain more field experience, I will begin volunteering at the Department of Veterans Affairs so that I can interact with patients in an healthcare environment and learn more about the healthcare system.

Is this okay?

I wrote 'in addition' because you had written 'also', suggesting that you wanted to use a linking expression.

I wrote 'where' to try to improve on your 'in which'. You seemed to be thinking of the Dept. as a place. With 'so that', you are looking at it in terms of reason.

Your revised version is fine. I like it better than mine.

Best wishes, Clive