Pretty good but you haven't actually asked them to sponsor you and I would get to the point more quickly. My suugestion
Hello, My name is ****** ******. I am 17 and I’m building a race car for the Auto Clearing Motor Speedway Thunderstocks class for the 2007 season. I am writing to invite you to be my sponsor. In return for your support I will provide as much publicity for your company as I can, including displaying your logo and speaking about your company. I would also be happy to participate in any publicity or public relations activity you would like to organise regarding your sponsorship, such as photographs and interviews.
Your logo will be on my car and listed along with my car on AutoClearingMotorSpeedway.ca in my driver profile. Thousands of people come through the pits after the races so your company logo will be displayed to many people and many audiences. I am making a website for my team and car so your logo will also be shown on that webpage. Logos will be set on the car according to your preference but I am hoping to attract several sponsors so of course the earlier you agree to sponsor me, the more choice you will have on position. The positions on offer are: hood, trunk lid, upper rear quarter panel, lower-behind wheel well-quarter panel and front fenders.
I plan to be in as many races as I can possibly attend and will race to my utmost ability. I plan to run a 1978 Chevrolet Caprice with a 305 Cubic Inch Chevrolet Motor, I will be painting it black and white in a “police car” type style (white doors and roof, everything else black) with a police style 7-point star somewhere on the side. I am at this point 60% done assembling the car I need to install the motor, safety belts, wiring, gauges, fire extinguisher, and a few other odds and ends to make the car race-worthy. My long term goal is to possibly reach the Nascar Canadian Tire Series(formerly Cascar) and then maybe Nascar Nextel Cup.
To race in the 2007 season I will need to acquire a few good tires(not necessarily new), gas, transportation to the track (use of a trailer if possible, or materials to build a trailer) and I may have to upgrade my tow vehicle a little bit(new tires, transmission cooler, rebuilt driveshafts, etc). I would appreciate anything that your company sees fit to help me with. I don’t require a lot, just a company that will support the beginning of my racing career.
My contact information is as follows:
...contact info here...