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Latest post Sun, Jan 4 2009 7:08 PM by Anonymous. 4 replies.
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StevanHogg
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32224
Sun, 06 Jun 04 03:36 PM
WEE HUGHIE AND THE GROWLER
Wee Hughie is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my growler?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," says Wee Hughie and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the growler blows him a kiss.
Wee Hughie, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the growler can do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Wee Hughie stares in amazement as the growler winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Wee Hughie moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, Wee Hughie replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
Joined on
Sun, Jun 6 2004
Scotland
New Member
08
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SCOTTISH PHOTOS .
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StevanHogg
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32225
Sun, 06 Jun 04 03:40 PM
WEE HUGHIE'S GOLDFISH
Wee Hughie was in the garden filling in a hole when his English neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the mad man was up to, he politely asked, 'What are you doing there, Hughie?'
'My goldfish died,' replied Wee Hughie tearfully without looking up, 'and I've just buried him.'
The English neighbour was very concerned. 'That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?'
Wee Hughie patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, 'That's because he's inside your cat.'
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StevanHogg
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32433
Tue, 08 Jun 04 12:46 PM
Wee Hughie's Girlfriend
Wee Hughie adored and loved his girlfriend, Lorraine, to whom he was engaged to be married. Wedding plans were well underway and he was looking forward to spending the rest of his lfe with Lorraine.
However, a beutiful young lady, called Clearly, came to work in his glen and they found that they got on together very well and as time went by, Wee Hughie realised that he was in love with Clearly and that the Love was reciprocated.
Being a gentleman he decided that as he had promised to marry Lorraine he would do so and steadily removed himself from his other relationship.
One day, he and Lorraine were walking along the banks of the River Tay. As they walked, Lorraine slipped and fell into the river and was swept away and drowned.
He stood on the bank for a few minutes feeling very sad before walking away singing happily.
And this is what he sang.
"I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone"
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StevanHogg
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32615
Wed, 09 Jun 04 08:43 PM
SCOTTISH FRUITCAKE RECIPE.
You'll need the following:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
1 cup of nuts
1 bottle of whiskey.
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway??
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Anonymous,
321 days ago
A Wee scottish guy sitting at a bar, a big thug walks in and hits him to the floor and says "thats a karate chop from Korea" Later the thug walks up to him and hits him again and says "thats a judo chop from Japan" The wee scottish guy goes out and a few minutes later returns, smacks the thug on the head and knocks him out, with blood splattered everywhere And says to the barman "when that *** wakes up tell him that was a *** crowbar from Scotland!!
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