Sentence questions

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Bsss10

#352570 Wed, 18 Apr 07 06:00 PM

Hello,

I am not sure whether the two sentences make sense in term of grammar and semantics. 

Can you give me a hand with checking them 

Thank you for your help.

1.What impressed me most was that an Israeli professor got his body to block the killer’s way at the class’s door in order to give his students several seconds to break windows and jump down on the first floor from the class.

2. Teachers could treat their students as their own children in a crisis during which they would rather save their students at the expense of their lives than let them get hurt.

Bsss10

Joined on Thu, Mar 9 2006

New Member (36)

Grammar

Clive

#352576 Wed, 18 Apr 07 06:11 PM

Hi,

2. Teachers could treat their students as their own children in a crisis during which they would rather save their students at the expense of their lives than let them get hurt.

1.What impressed me most was that an Israeli professor used his body to block the killer’s way at the classroom door, in order to give his students several seconds to break windows and jump down from/to the first floor.

2. Some teachers may treat their students as their own children in a crisis, during which they would rather save their students at the expense of their lives than let them get hurt.

I also read about this heroic elderly man who gave his life to save his students. He showed that even in a terrible event, the human spirit can demonstrate nobility. I hope that those students he saved, and their children, always remember his name.

Best wishes, Clive

Clive

Joined on Thu, Oct 28 2004

Canada

Veteran Member (22,568)

El tango argentino es un pensamiento triste que se puede bailar (The tango argentino is a sad thought which can be danced) Enrique Santos Discépolo

Lil' Ruby Rose

#352579 Wed, 18 Apr 07 06:17 PM

1.What impressed me most was that an Israeli professor used his body to block the killer’s way in to the classroom in order to give his students a few seconds to break windows and jump down to the first floor - or to the ground? (from the class - redundant).

2. Teachers could treat their students as their own children in a crisis during which they would rather save their students at the expense of their lives than let them get hurt. When you say "Teachers could..." are you making a suggestion? Or do you mean something more like "Teachers somehow treat their students as if they were their own children during a crisis: they would rather risk their own lives than let their pupils get hurt."?

Lil' Ruby Rose

Joined on Wed, Dec 20 2006

West of England

Regular Member (850)

Enlightenment is always preceded by confusion.

Alc07

#352581 Wed, 18 Apr 07 06:20 PM

These are called run on sentences and are too long. The reader looses the meaning of the sentence by the end. To check the flow of a sentence always read it out loud to yourself to hear how it sounds. If you can't get through it comfortable it is too long or it needs punctuation.

Alc07

Joined on Thu, Apr 12 2007

New Member (48)

Punctuation

Alc07

#352585 Wed, 18 Apr 07 06:22 PM

This is how I would write them:

1.What impressed me most was that an Israeli professor used his body to block the killer’s way at the classroom's door. This gave his students several seconds to break windows and jump down from the first floor classroom.

2. Teachers often treat their students as their own children in a crisis. This means that they would rather save their students at the expense of their own lives, than let them get hurt.

Alc07