My sentences need your help. Thank you

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kk  #203633  Mon, 06 Mar 06 09:11 AM
Hello, 

I am not sure whether the two sentences make sense in term of grammar and semantics.
Can you give me a hand with checking them
Thank you for your help.

1.In any realm, if leaders are easily persuaded by public opinion to change their ideas, if leaders can’t adhere to their own principals, they are destined to not make a brilliant success.

 

2. Even though the vast majority of people were opposed to political reformations in that they led the society to plunge into turmoil and turbulence, which prevented economic growth, the intellectual class—Chen Shin bain, Lu Hsiu-lien, LIN, I-HSIUNG, Wang To and so forth -- still stuck to their belief that a truly democratic country outweighed a short-term economic development.

3. Because Lin Hwai Min ‘s performing art didn’t attract the public‘s attention and appeal to the mass’ taste, most people tried to persuade him to transform his dance style from high culture into popular culture. However, he didn’t yield to popular opinion. In contrary, he continues to follow his thought and create the plenty of beautiful dance performances which deserve great praise in domestic and overseas.

  
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Demetrius  #203657  Mon, 06 Mar 06 11:52 AM

1.In any realm, if leaders are easily persuaded by public opinion to change their ideas, if leaders can’t adhere to their own principals, they are destined to not make a brilliant success.

Too many parenthetic clauses - always simplify sentence structure where possible. By the way, leaders are principals and they have principles.

"If leaders in any realm are easily persuaded by public opinion to change their ideas and cannot adhere to their own principles, they are destined never to achieve true success."

2. Even though the vast majority of people were opposed to political reformations in that they led the society to plunge into turmoil and turbulence, which prevented economic growth, the intellectual class—Chen Shin bain, Lu Hsiu-lien, LIN, I-HSIUNG, Wang To and so forth -- still stuck to their belief that a truly democratic country outweighed a short-term economic development.

"Even though the vast majority of people were opposed to political reforms, for the reason that they prevent economic growth by plunging society into turmoil and turbulence, the intellectual class - Chen Shin bain, Lu Hsiu-lien, Lin I-Hsiung, Wang To and so forth - still held firm to their belief that the goal of a truly democratic country outweighed short-term economic development."

 

3. Because Lin Hwai Min ‘s performing art didn’t attract the public‘s attention and appeal to the mass’ taste, most people tried to persuade him to transform his dance style from high culture into popular culture. However, he didn’t yield to popular opinion. In contrary, he continues to follow his thought and create the plenty of beautiful dance performances which deserve great praise in domestic and overseas.

"Because Lin Hwai Min's performing art didn't attract the attention of the public and appeal to mass taste, most people tried to persuade him to transform his dance style from high culture to popular culture. However, he hasn't yielded to popular opinion. On the contrary, he continues to follow his own conscience and create the many beautiful dance performances which garner great praise both domestically and overseas."

 Note: "which garner" should be "that garner" above.

 

 

  
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