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Jhumjhum  +  360681 Sat, 05 May 07 01:45 PM

Stannum,I am sorry that I am not a Christian and could not get a chance ro read the Holly Bible throughly.I knew that "spare the rod spoil the child" is a mere proverb.

You behave with your daughter as your father used to behave with you but I do exacly the opposite .I always think what problems I used to face in my childhood.I always tried to prevent my son from those problems.

It is the duty of the parents to decide how to behave with children and which way is more effective.


Joined on Thu, Mar 2 2006
Regular Member 609
It is easier to disintegrate an atom than one's prejudice-Albert Einstein
nona the brit  +  360726 Sat, 05 May 07 04:39 PM

I think it can depend on the child. Some listen to reason and some don't. On occasions, sometimes a mild physical 'incentive' can work wonders. If they can't listen to the reason why they shouldn't do something, then the immediate 'action-consequence' of physical interaction can do the trick.

My son would always listen and understand explanations. One of my step-sons is the same. Another of my step-sons is quite the opposite, despite being a bright little lad, he seems to just not believe adults sometimes when you tell him the reasons behind the discipline. Why? I don't know. It could be the way his mum treats him as ther baby of the family or it could just be his personality. He has no sense of danger. But it does mean that sometimes I do give him a smack when he is endangering himself and won't listen. Example - I was in the garden with one boy and he, indoors on the first floor, decided to climb up on the windowcill and lean out. Told him to get down, he did. Turned my back and he was hanging out the window again. I went indoors, sat him down, talked about how dangerous it is to hang out of windows, and went back outside. Again, there he was hanging out of the window. Went upstairs, told him off, applied slap to leg, no more hanging out of the window.

Another example - I was cooking in the kitchen and he kept leaning down and putting his face very close to the glass oven door to look at the food (the door gets hot). I explained to him about 3 times that the door was hot and getting too close was dangerous - he might burn himself - and gently moved him away.  The fourth time I didn't say anything just bopped him lightly on the head with the spoon I was holding and he shot away from the oven and stayed away. He wasn't able to absorb getting too close to oven=getting burnt as it was too abstract a reason for him, never having burnt himself, but he could absorb getting too close to oven=being bopped by a spoon.

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England
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Doll  +  360732 Sat, 05 May 07 04:56 PM
Hi Nona, your son is really strange.Smile [:)] Admittedly, it is an art to be parents.
Joined on Sat, Mar 10 2007
Senior Member 2,811
nona the brit  +  360749 Sat, 05 May 07 05:25 PM
He's only my step-son (sort of) so he's only here once every two weeks. He has got a little less self-destructive as he gets older, thank goodness, I don't think my nerves could take it otherwise. Never known a kid like it! Just has no fear whatsoever of anything. 
Jhumjhum  +  360800 Sat, 05 May 07 07:29 PM
 Doll wrote:
Hi Nona, your son is really strange.Smile [:)] Admittedly, it is an art to be parents.


This is not strange at all.There are many children who are very piculiar in nature.My son ,when he was young he could not concentrate in his studies .He used to drag on all over the morning with some pages of a chapter or with few sums. Sometimes I lost my patience and used to beat him.After getting a good number of slaps he would do it within 10/15 minutes.One day he was doing the same when I got tired rebuking him I suddenly cried saying that "Why don't you understand that you have to finish your home work ,every day you do the same ,I am tired of you ." He said "I can't, you beat me, I will do it " I could  not beat him that day.He is now grown up and good in studies ,but I often remember to what extent I have to struggle with him for his studies.
Stannum  +  360810 Sat, 05 May 07 08:10 PM

 Nona The Brit wrote:
Another example - I was cooking in the kitchen and he kept leaning down and putting his face very close to the glass oven door to look at the food (the door gets hot). I explained to him about 3 times that the door was hot and getting too close was dangerous - he might burn himself - and gently moved him away.  The fourth time I didn't say anything just bopped him lightly on the head with the spoon I was holding and he shot away from the oven and stayed away. He wasn't able to absorb getting too close to oven=getting burnt as it was too abstract a reason for him, never having burnt himself, but he could absorb getting too close to oven=being bopped by a spoon.
I would have caused a sensitive and inquisitive cheek or even better a finger tip to touch the hot oven with an ice cube and a hug to follow.

You understand that pain is a wonderful teacher but the little kid has associated pain from the wrong source.

You could have so easily just gently bumped with your experienced elbow so that the child would forever heed your repeatedly lucidly given but stubbornly ignored message.

A missed opportunity in my opinion.

Stannum

Joined on Fri, Oct 28 2005
Melbourne Australia
Regular Member 526
nona the brit  +  360980 Sun, 06 May 07 09:08 AM
You think it's better to deliberately push a child into a hot object so that he burns his face (quite possibly scaring them for life) than bop them on the head with a spoon? Should I also have nudged him out the window and let him fall 20 feet to teach him it is dangerous? How bizarre.
Stannum  +  360988 Sun, 06 May 07 09:33 AM

 Nona The Brit wrote:
You think it's better to deliberately push a child into a hot object so that he burns his face (quite possibly scaring them for life) than bop them on the head with a spoon? Should I also have nudged him out the window and let him fall 20 feet to teach him it is dangerous? How bizarre.
Yup.  That's obviously what I am saying.

What's a mere 20 feet fall for a wonderful step-mother.  What's the kid's nickname, Cinderella??

Stannum

nona the brit  +  360999 Sun, 06 May 07 09:55 AM
Hey, you were the one who said I should use my elbow to push him into the hot oven door so that he learns a lesson by burning his face.
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