Please can someone read and correct my mistake on my letter of motivation .

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Showboy  #533403  Fri, 27 Jun 08 05:01 PM

Dear admission office,

            I wish to apply for admission to pursue a Master’s Degree in Diplomatic YaleUniversity for the 2008/2009 academic year beginning in spring. Prior to my University study, diplomacy has always influenced my choice of study because diplomacy is an important factor in the development of any society. Why? Society needs decisive leaders on the international scene, to protect its interests, reason why my undergraduate academic background is base on two major discipline, History and Political sciences which are some of the core subjects in diplomacy.

            I studied in two areas related to diplomacy because I believed that I would be preparing my self to pursue a career in diplomacy or work in an international organization and to become a leader whose decision would have a positive effect on society. During my studies at the university, I was involved in various presentations, brainstorming, and discussion group in which I had the opportunity to start training my leadership skills. By the time I successfully completed my studies, I had acquired excellent leadership, administrative and organizational skills. I was inspired to think critically, reflect and put forward my idea and go beyond surfaces. I have learned to   apply critical thought to real life situation. I believe the sum of all this makes me suitable to pursue a Masters in diplomacy

            After three years of study, I decided to go abroad to work in an international arena to experience a foreign culture and broaden my scope on life. I went to China due to its growing economy and its role in international politics. I was employed to head the international department of Kelly Consulting Ltd in China, specializing in labor import, exportation and developmental project analysis and implementation. I had the chance to work on an international level and improved my intercultural skill. Within an international team, I work on completive development programs for foreign companies in need of suitable development projects. I write reports about their strategy and implementation.

 

     In 2004, with two years of international work experience I decided to return to my country and contribute to its development. I was employed to head the men and women Development program of Christian partners development Agency South Africa, an international non-Governmental Organization with head quarter in Nairobi- Kenya.

            I am exhibiting my leadership skills through the various programs I initiated such as the youth leadership programs aimed at youths. We are teaching them to carry out responsibilities bestowed on them. Our aim is to reduce juvenile delinquency and improve the life of the underprivileged by introducing several ways of generating income.

            While working, I always ponder why the continent I came from (Africa) and other parts of the world are plaque with civil and tribal wars, political crisis and slow economic growth. Most of the peace talks always turn out to be futile thus paving the way for more fighting and political problems in our society. After a careful analysis of the whole situation, I realize that Africa and other parts of the world need leaders with strong technical and analytical skills to solve these problems. As a result, I am motivated to pursue a master degree in diplomacy to enhance my skills in diplomacy. This is going to lead me to my career ambition of being a diplomat.

        After a careful research of many universities in terms of their programs and course structures, I chose the University of Yale because of its well defined Master of Arts in diplomacy . Studying in the University of Yale, I will enhance my technical and analytical skills. I will also have the opportunity to interact with students from different cultural backgrounds, views and opinions. Thus I will be building a strong foundation for my future career.

   I am excited about my decisions to pursue a Master’s degree in diplomacy at the University of Yale. In conclusion, I ask for the opportunity to pursue and accomplish my goal at your institution.

        Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

      Sincerely

     

   I will appreacite any correction from anyone. Thanks in advance


Dear admission office,

            I wish to apply for admission to pursue a Master’s Degree in Diplomatic YaleUniversity for the 2008/2009 academic year beginning in spring. Prior to my University study, diplomacy has always influenced my choice of study because diplomacy is an important factor in the development of any society. Why? Society needs decisive leaders on the international scene, to protect its interests, reason why my undergraduate academic background is base on two major discipline, History and Political sciences which are some of the core subjects in diplomacy.

            I studied in two areas related to diplomacy because I believed that I would be preparing my self to pursue a career in diplomacy or work in an international organization and to become a leader whose decision would have a positive effect on society. During my studies at the university, I was involved in various presentations, brainstorming, and discussion group in which I had the opportunity to start training my leadership skills. By the time I successfully completed my studies, I had acquired excellent leadership, administrative and organizational skills. I was inspired to think critically, reflect and put forward my idea and go beyond surfaces. I have learned to   apply critical thought to real life situation. I believe the sum of all this makes me suitable to pursue a Masters in diplomacy

            After three years of study, I decided to go abroad to work in an international arena to experience a foreign culture and broaden my scope on life. I went to China due to its growing economy and its role in international politics. I was employed to head the international department of Kelly Consulting Ltd in China, specializing in labor import, exportation and developmental project analysis and implementation. I had the chance to work on an international level and improved my intercultural skill. Within an international team, I work on completive development programs for foreign companies in need of suitable development projects. I write reports about their strategy and implementation.

 

     In 2004, with two years of international work experience I decided to return to my country and contribute to its development. I was employed to head the men and women Development program of Christian partners development Agency South Africa, an international non-Governmental Organization with head quarter in Nairobi- Kenya.

            I am exhibiting my leadership skills through the various programs I initiated such as the youth leadership programs aimed at youths. We are teaching them to carry out responsibilities bestowed on them. Our aim is to reduce juvenile delinquency and improve the life of the underprivileged by introducing several ways of generating income.

            While working, I always ponder why the continent I came from (Africa) and other parts of the world are plaque with civil and tribal wars, political crisis and slow economic growth. Most of the peace talks always turn out to be futile thus paving the way for more fighting and political problems in our society. After a careful analysis of the whole situation, I realize that Africa and other parts of the world need leaders with strong technical and analytical skills to solve these problems. As a result, I am motivated to pursue a master degree in diplomacy to enhance my skills in diplomacy. This is going to lead me to my career ambition of being a diplomat.

        After a careful research of many universities in terms of their programs and course structures, I chose the University of Yale because of its well defined Master of Arts in diplomacy . Studying in the University of Yale, I will enhance my technical and analytical skills. I will also have the opportunity to interact with students from different cultural backgrounds, views and opinions. Thus I will be building a strong foundation for my future career.

   I am excited about my decisions to pursue a Master’s degree in diplomacy at the University of Yale. In conclusion, I ask for the opportunity to pursue and accomplish my goal at your institution.

        Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

      Sincerely

     

  
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