Sounds OK?

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Ant_222

#512092 Sat, 10 May 08 03:00 PM

Hi all, could you tell me if there're serious problems in this text?

«I entered the cave. It was quite dry here. Apparently, somebody had lived here before, but now there were no traces of the former inhabitant except a terminal built into the wall deep in the cave.»

Thanks in advance.

Ant_222

Joined on Sun, May 21 2006

Podolsk, Russia

Senior Member (1,367)

Yankee

#512113 Sat, 10 May 08 04:14 PM

I don't see any serious problems, Ant. The main thing I might take issue with is the use of 'the wall' rather than 'a wall'. I also don't think the comma is absolutely necessary after the word 'apparently'.

Yankee

Joined on Sat, Apr 15 2006

Connecticut, USA

Pre Guru (3,946)

Amy "You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain

Commas

Ant_222

#512116 Sat, 10 May 08 04:25 PM

Hurray!

I did swing between "the wall" and "a wall", and my choice was decided by that that I viewed it as the same wall continuing far away into the cave. Now I see it wasn't right. Thanks.

Ant_222

nona the brit

#512173 Sat, 10 May 08 08:15 PM

I'm wavering between a and the too.

I'd actually go for 'the'.

If you use 'a' it sounds to me as though someone has built a wall - of brick or something - at the back of the cave. With 'the' it sounds more like one of the cave walls themselves (itself?). Hard to decide whether a cave has more than one wall or not as they are continuous really :-)

nona the brit

Joined on Wed, Sep 22 2004

England

Forum Guru (11,149)

The name says it all.

Yankee

#512181 Sat, 10 May 08 08:38 PM

Exactly. That's why I wrote that I 'might' take issue with the use of 'the'. However, I'm also sure I've seen some caves with what could be considered individual walls.

Yankee

Clive

#512186 Sat, 10 May 08 08:59 PM

Hi,

Are you sure 'a terminal' is the correct word to use? What do you mean?

Best wishes, Clive

Clive

Joined on Thu, Oct 28 2004

Canada

Forum Guru (19,223)

El tango argentino es un pensamiento triste que se puede bailar (The tango argentino is a sad thought which can be danced) Enrique Santos Discépolo

Ant_222

#512199 Sat, 10 May 08 10:42 PM

OK, I am glad "the wall" is not that bad! Clive:
«Are you sure 'a terminal' is the correct word to use? What do you mean?»

However ridiculous it mat sound... it is a terminal — an I/O (keyboard + display) device connected to a central computer!

Ant_222

Clive

#512220 Sun, 11 May 08 12:44 AM

Hi,

I'd say 'a computer termnal', since it's a context in which you wouldn't expect such a thing.

Best wishes, Clive

Clive

Ant_222

#512372 Sun, 11 May 08 11:35 AM

The problem's that I am really short on space because every English description must be shorter or equal in length to the corresponding Russian text. Would you change your mind if I told you that a closer look at the terminal would immediately reveal its computer nature? The player should only execute "LOOK AT TERMINAL" to see the display and the keyboard.

Ant_222

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