tank top

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New2grammar

#552169 Thu, 07 Aug 08 04:23 PM

A girl wearing a strapless tank top comes up and asks for permission to play with your active and cute dog. Your dog first sniffs her and then starts to climb on her front to lick her face. She is now on her knees. All of a sudden, your dog's paw accidentally pulls her top down, revealing her breasts. She quickly reacts by pulling it back up and hopes noone sees them. Of course, you saw them. Should you apologize or should you just keep quiet and act like nothing has happened?

Are there any mistakes?
Thanks.

New2grammar

Joined on Tue, Nov 21 2006

Veteran Member (7,670)

Who wants to go sailing around the world with me?

optilang

#552182 Thu, 07 Aug 08 05:17 PM

A girl wearing a strapless tank top comes up and asks for permission to play with your active and cute dog. Your dog first sniffs her and then starts to climb on her front to lick her face.

She is now on her knees. I find this a bit sudden when reading it. We had the dog climbing on her and now she is down on her knees, with no explanation of when, how or why she got there. Did the dog push her over?

All of a sudden, your dog's paw accidentally pulls her top down, revealing her breasts. She quickly reacts by pulling it back up and hopes no one has seen them. Of course, you saw them. Should you apologize or (should you) just keep quiet and act like nothing (has) happened?

optilang

Joined on Tue, May 13 2008

Poland

Senior Member (2,175)

OptiNative British English Speaker Wherever I may roam, I'm still a Londoner.

New2grammar

#552193 Thu, 07 Aug 08 05:47 PM

optilang
She is now on her knees. I find this a bit sudden when reading it. We had the dog climbing on her and now she is down on her knees, with no explanation of when, how or why she got there. Did the dog push her over?

I agree with you. I just wanted to make sure the reader knows her position. She is on her knees when my dog climbs on her. Can I just remove the entire sentence? Will the context still be clear? If not, how to add this sentence smoothly?
Thanks.

New2grammar

optilang

#552199 Thu, 07 Aug 08 05:55 PM

Hi

You didn't make it clear that she was on her knees from the moment the dog started licking her. In fact, I had an image in my mind that the dog was climbing up he to reach her face.

My suggestion:

A girl wearing a strapless tank top comes up and asks for permission to play with your active and cute dog. You gladly agree, so she kneels down to start stroking it. Your dog first sniffs her and then starts jumping up to ~~climb on her front to~~ lick her face. ~~She is now on her knees~~. All of a sudden, your dog's paw accidentally pulls her top down, revealing her breasts.

optilang

New2grammar

#552202 Thu, 07 Aug 08 06:03 PM

optilang
In fact, I had an image in my mind that the dog was climbing up he to reach her face.

I knew I made that mistake.In an attempt to clarify I added that line but it made it worse. I wonder when you realize you were unclear in a conversation (you can't go back and rewrite), how do you correct yourself? Could you take my situation as an example?
Thanks.

New2grammar

Conversations

optilang

#552223 Thu, 07 Aug 08 07:01 PM

New2grammar
optilang
In fact, I had an image in my mind that the dog was climbing up he to reach her face.
I knew I made that mistake.In an attempt to clarify I added that line but it made it worse. I wonder when you realize you were unclear in a conversation (you can't go back and rewrite), how do you correct yourself? Could you take my situation as an example?
Thanks.

I would say something like:

I'm sorry, I'm not making myself clear, let me recap/go back a second. What I mean is, after she asked if it was OK to stroke/play with my dog, she knelt down to stoke him, and then he started jumping up trying to lick her face. That's when the paw ..

optilang

Grammar, Conversations

New2grammar

#552228 Thu, 07 Aug 08 07:17 PM

I actually got what you meant. I was wondering if a native speaker would sometimes accidentally skip a line and then immediately correct it. I guess not though I do, even in my mother tongue. However, I have ways to correct it naturally. I wonder how a native would correct the original.

New2grammar
A girl wearing a strapless tank top comes up and asks for permission to play with your active and cute dog. Your dog first sniffs her and then starts to climb on her front to lick her face.

(Opps... you realize you've missed something and you want to clarify. How would you do it?

New2grammar

Grammar

Grammar Geek

#552229 Thu, 07 Aug 08 07:19 PM

A strapless tank top is an oxymoron. You mean a tube top. At least, you do in the US.

(The answer to the question is, you politely ignore it as though nothing had happened.)

Grammar Geek

Joined on Tue, Jan 10 2006

Pennsylvania, USA

Veteran Member (15,590)

Barbara, who answers in American English.

optilang

#552232 Thu, 07 Aug 08 07:23 PM

New2grammar
I actually got what you meant. I was wondering if a native speaker would sometimes accidentally skip a line and then immediately correct it. I guess not though I do, even in my mother tongue. However, I have ways to correct it naturally. I wonder how a native would correct the original.

New2grammar
A girl wearing a strapless tank top comes up and asks for permission to play with your active and cute dog. Your dog first sniffs her and then starts to climb on her front to lick her face.
(Opps... you realize you've missed something and you want to clarify. How would you do it?

I would say something like:

"A girl wearing a strapless tank top comes up and asks for permission to play with your active and cute dog. Your dog first sniffs her and then starts to climb on her front to lick her face. Well, actually she is kneeling down/on her knees playing with the dog which is jumping up trying to lick her face. Anyway, the dog's paw gets .."

Having said that, there are probably numerous ways to recover, the above is just one suggestion.

optilang

Grammar

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