My thesis review, please revise!

   Share on Facebook  
Tttcomrader  #325409  Wed, 07 Feb 07 02:42 AM
First time I post here.

I have never pay attention to my grammar, as I don't have to mess with writing too much in my math classes, and my history professor rarely gives me problem on my grammars, they only care about the proofs.

But now I'm working on the honor thesis for my history degree, and the professor is cracking down on the gammar thingy.  Please revise my paper and let me know how I can improve my writing.

Thank you!

KK

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thesis Review:  A Gooney Bird in the Hornet’s Nest -

Carolina’s Historical Aviation Commission’s Douglas DC-3

By Kenyon Travis Lail

            Kenyon Lail was a student in the University of North Carolina at Charlotte whom had completed History Honor Program.  In his honor thesis, A Gooney Bird in the Hornet’s Nest, Lail has detail the early days of aviations, the difficulties that the early aviators faced, as well as the influences and impacts from the political and economic aspects during the course of development.  Furthermore, the author has focuses on the struggle of commercial flights, the quest of a dream trip for any average person to be realized.  In particular, the author had argued that the Douglas DC-3, an aircraft known for its capacity and stability made famous by its wide use during WWII, had provided the commercial airline business with a rarely suitable aircraft for their use, and greatly enhance the realization of air travels.

             The author of Gooney Bird has provides extensive knowledge over the building of commercial aviation in the United States.  Starting with the early days of aviations, in which was carefully examined by the author, whom points out that the lack of comfort, the limitation of capacities, mixing with the unusually high cost, had prevented the growth of commercial flights, with only a few selective elites being able to enjoy air travels.  Furthermore, for those whom could afford air travel would certainly preferred other modes of transportation such as trains and ships, that could offered much higher quality of service.  The only sell point of flights being speed.  A factor that would be largely enhanced by the governments, as pointed out by the author, for the sake of making war.

            The thesis is well defined in Gooney Bird, as the author has clearly emphasis on his argument that the Douglas DC-3 aircraft is the founding symbol of flight, provided aids for the Piedmont Airlines in its building, and most importantly, promoted the development of commercial passenger air service.  The author has demonstrates detailed knowledge of the technical aspect of the aircraft, and use it to strength his claim of how the DC-3 had provided what the other early aircrafts could not, namely the stability and capacity that are essential towards creating a civilian airline.  Furthermore, the Douglas DC-3’s importance has been claimed by the author as representing flying in not only for pleasure, but also in business as well as military use for an entire generation.

            The author has takes advantage of chronic natural in his thesis.  He has provides readers with an extensive amount of background information of aviation, such as the innovations that lead to the first flight and the early public response towards this new invention.  Then the author gives a general picture of the developments from early experimental flights, into military/elite dominated air transportations, into the near modern days of commercial/business flights.  During the narration of flight developments, the author has describes the influential factors that had been dominating early aviations, from state building that requires the integration of flights into the military, comforts were often being ignored while all researches were dedicated to enhancing capacity and speed.  Although the interventions of government had initialized a constant flow of fund towards aviation developments, it had, however, also placed military purpose into top priority in expense of comfort and cost, things that are necessary for the creating a private airline.  The author then has shown the readers the technical advantages of the Douglas DC-3, and how it had suited to become the model aircraft compatible with commercial airlines.

            An interesting fact of this thesis is the author’s ability to draw multimedia sources into his project.  Even through the main sources that he used to construct his thesis were the books that the author gathered, especially the works of The Legacy of the DC-3 and Turbulent Skies: The History of Commercial Aviation; however, a great deal of information the author uses were drew from sources in which students usually overlook, such as oral interviews and video recordings.  A number of personnel with knowledge of the DC-3 were interviewed by the author, most of them are in some way related to the Carolinas Aviation Museum, including Scott Edwards, a pilot for US Airways and the chief pilot of the museums; Vicki Haren, a former Piedmont employee; and most significantly, Shawn Dorsch, whom had served on the Board of Trustees at the Carolinas Historical Aviation Commission.  These interviews had greatly strengthen the author’s claims as they held the key to first hand experiences, in which the words of the interviewees can allow the author to examine how aviation had evolved through out the years, helping the readers to understand how the public reacted to flights, how the first private airlines was started, and how importance was the DC-3, all from the people directly involved.

            A secondary source that the author has use in Gooney Bird was video recordings, through not much in number, contented with only two DVDs of The flight of the Pacemaker and The Plane That Changed the World, these usual sources of information had nevertheless provided the author an easier way to organize his thesis structure, and possible aided both the author and the readers in our quest to understand the thesis through the use of visual and sounds.  As it should be noted, some technical information of aviation cannot be easily described with words, such as the actual stability during the flight and some critical mechanisms of the machine.  The clever use of DVDs by the author had compensated these weaknesses.

             There are, however, still rooms for improvement in Gooney Bird.  Although the Douglas DC-3 has been lay out in details in the thesis in terms of its technical characteristics and its impact onto aviation developments; not enough information is being offered regarding aircrafts during the days of the DC-3 for comparison.  Even through a few early aircrafts were mentioned, along with a comparison between DC-3 and modern days aircrafts, it might have strengthen the author’s claim if he could provide the readers some counter-examples of aircrafts that were potential rivals of DC-3, and show how they were unable to match DC-3 in terms of being a model aircraft for commercial flights.

            On the other hand, I do not see the benefit of having the chapter of “Restoration Project” in this thesis.  Although it does allow the readers to see the symbolism provided by the DC-3 and how people are trying to revive it, it would serve the thesis better had it been included in the introductions as the opening of the glorious days of the DC-3 buried in the minds of those whom tried to revive it.  It can be said that this chapter is clearly out of place.

            Despite the shortcomings, Gooney Bird had provided readers with a defined thesis, a strong structure, and plenty of evidences, drew from varies type of sources, to support the author’s claims.  The author had explored the early days of aviation, shown the rough path that commercial flights were built upon, and the unique role that the Douglas DC-3 had played.  Through Gooney Bird, with the skillful use of rare sources, readers get a feel of the first hand experience of this magnificent aircraft that allowed average civilians to enjoy the pleasure of air travels.


  
Not Ranked
Joined on Wed, Feb 7 2007
NC, USA
New Member (01)
nona the brit  #326387  Thu, 08 Feb 07 05:21 PM

Well, just looking at the first couple of paragraphs you need to work primarily on plural/singular forms, use of  articles, prepositions and verb tenses. And don't fall into the trap of thinking that 'whom' is just a more formal version of 'who'. It isn't and you are using it incorrectly. So, the things all learners find most difficult really Smile [:)]. Try and work through the rest of the essay yourself to make corrections.

Kenyon Lail was a student in the University of North Carolina at Charlotte who completed the History Honor Program.  In his honor thesis, A Gooney Bird in the Hornet’s Nest, Lail details the early days of aviation, the difficulties that the early aviators faced, as well as the influence and impact of the political and economic aspects situations/matters during its the course of development.  Furthermore, the author has focuses on the struggle for commercial flights, (the quest of a dream trip for any average person to be realized. this part completely ungrammatical and needs rewriting)  In particular, the author had argues that the Douglas DC-3, an aircraft known for its capacity and stability made famous by its wide use during WWII, had provided the commercial airline business with a (rarely - I don't think you mean rarely, rarely means 'not often, only very occassionally) suitable aircraft for their use, and greatly enhanced the realization of air travel.

             The author of Gooney Bird has provides an extensive knowledge of the development of commercial aviation in the United States.  Starting with The early days of aviation are carefully examined by the author, who points out that the lack of comfort, the limited capacity, and the unusually high cost, had prevented the growth of commercial flights with only the elite being able to enjoy air travel.  Furthermore, for those who could afford air travel would have certainly preferred other modes of transportation, such as trains and ships, that could offered a much higher quality of service.  The only selling point of flight was speed.  (A factor that would be largely enhanced by the governments, as pointed out by the author, for the sake of making war. re-write this sentence)

  
Top 10 Contributor
Joined on Wed, Sep 22 2004
England
Veteran Member (11,450)
ModeratorProficient Speaker
The name says it all.
AddThis Feed Button RSS Feed: ESL Essay, Writing World
© 2008 MediaCET Ltd.
Terms and Conditions & Terms of Service