Thesis Statement?

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Anonymous  #146611  Mon, 10 Oct 05 11:19 PM
My thesis statement for my reserch paper:

The Wars of the Roses is a crucial part of Britain's history, due to the fact that this war directly influenced the lineage of England's kings. Had this event not occured, the United Kingdom would not be what it is today, because of the determining changes that would have come with different kings.

My teacher says that the second part of my thesis is weak. How can i change it for the better?
  
nona the brit  #147296  Thu, 13 Oct 05 12:09 AM

For a start we have had Queens as well so I would change Kings to Royalty or Ruler or Royal Family or something.

The second part really is not adding much to the first. 

  
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