This is the life I live
I want the best in it
I want everyone I love to be in it
I want all loving people ever known in it
I want every human being with a heart in it
I want all the best loving people with a soul in it
This is the beautiful life I love and want to live forever in it.

Hi Amandine,

Poetry in the end is what we like, and criticism just tries to express what we like, where poetry tries to express what we feel.

For starters, 'express what we feel' does not usually mean to simply blurt out our own inner emotions, which are at the same time very similar to and very uninteresting to others-- UNLESS they can be expressed in a way and with words that are different, compelling, strong and clear, and reveal a new universality to that feeling that moves the reader.

As the VERY BASIS of accomplishing this, I expect the new poet to use good grammar, good punctuation, and try to create clear statements. I expect them to try to be concrete and specific in creating new images of universal application--- that is, that will affect the 'universal reader'. Guard always against what others have said before you, or how they have said it.

We all write verse. I am looking for poets here. Your poem is not on this thread, Amandine, but the next time I look at one of yours, I will be pointing out some specific good and bad points.



Hi Anita,

You need your 'spirits' pulled down a bit, because they are leading you into an uncritical appraisal of your own and others' work-- and that is fatal if you wish to improve. You have a fecundity which promises much for your development, but you seem to be stuck at this level. Some of your other pieces have very nice bits to them, but the one that starts this thread does not-- it is a regurgitation of the vague yearnings that everyone has emitted. There is no new writing in it. Here is a complete list of the nouns and pronouns in your piece:

'life, I, I, it, I, everyone, I, it, I, people, it, I, human being, heart, it, I, people, soul, it, I, it'

Not a one of them carries anything but vague generalized images-- 'people', 'heart', 'soul' are all overused and not very interesting concepts, even if categorized as 'lonely' or 'loving'-- and look at all those 'it's! New words used in new ways are needed if you wish to move the reader. The poets bulwarks are nouns and verbs, not adjectives and adverbs. Look first to the right noun.

Another hint for beginners is that the easiest way to drive a reader off is to use the first personal singular-- the reader is not interested in you, s/he wants to hear about his/her own world. What you write of course comes from within yourself, but it should be applied to what is beyond you. Try to keep yourself behind your poem, not astride it.

Concreteness, specificity, clarity, direction-- start thinking about these ideas.



I haven't yet examined who all here are writing in English as a first language and in English as a second. My experience has been that beginning poets in their second language do better, because they often come up with fresher collocations and are less prone to the cliche. I try, however, to treat everyone equally.

See you,

MM

I was actually trying out a new form with redundant words but the lenghth of the lines and syllables increasing in each line... now I know that it didn't work out as expected. Thanks for pointing out the mistakes in the poem, which of course is full of them!

But you know mister M, I always believe very strongly, being a ESL teacher myself that positive criticism brings better results tham negative criticism as it boosts one's confidence. Of course, everyone to their own opinion.

I'm an ESL speaker myself, and I've found both positive and negative criticism helpful in my learning experience.  Too much positives can make me quite complacent (Whenever I was complacent I stopped improving) -- that's when a learner like me could use a "wake-up" call. 

Years ago, I took an advanced writing course, and my teacher, after verbally abusing me and my essays, gave me a bare pass. That was a big whack on my *** (self-censoring here :-) ) head.  I decided to start learning from scratch.  I did all the exercises in the writing handbook, and tried to internalize all the basic rules. 

hmmm...my writing is getting rusty...time to pull that writing handbook off the shelf again...