Please all comments on title and thesis are welcome

PROJECT TITLE:
AN ENVIRONMENTAL MANAGEMENT PLAN FOR THE LOWER LIESBEEK (LL)

THESIS:
IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE A SUSTAINABLY WORKING PARK THERE IS A NEED TO STRATEGICALLY MANAGE THE TWO RIVERS URBAN PARK (TRUP) IN A HOLISTIC AND INTEGRATED MANNER, WHILST MAINTAINING THE BROADER FRAMEWORKS OUTLINED IN THE SPATIAL DEVELOPMENT FRAMEWORK & PHASE ONE ENVIRONMENTAL MANAGEMENT PLAN (SDF &EMP1). TO ACHIEVE THIS GOAL, THIS STUDY SUGGESTS THAT TRUP BE MANAGED IN DIVISIONS AND MANAGEMENT PLANS BE DRAWN UP FOR EACH SECTIONAL DIVISION. HOWEVER, THIS STUDY ONLY FOCUSSES ON THE MANAGEMENT OF THE LL AS A DIVISION IN THE TRUP.

I'm sorry about the capital letters and thak you for the advice.

You're right about everything. My aim is to produce an EMP for just the LL which is within the TRUP. There is currently a broad EMP for TRUP but it has not been successful, so now I'm proposing that the park be managed in smaller parts whose management strategies should be linked to the bigger plan so that the park can become fully functional and sustainable. I am also proposing that all stakeholders and interested parties become invovled in the management in order to properly institutionalize the management as well as potentially create a self sustaining financial resource base. hence, in this way soem weight is carried off of the government and the community can also take ownership in managing public resources. This has various opportunities and constraints....

So how can I put this in a way that its not too condensed and almost sound like a joke? 

The main reason why TRUP's EMP has not been a success is because of  the lack of sufficient funds to manage the area (Study area is/should be managed by government but often urban river systems are neglected/not prioritized financially). Also with the few resources available, there seem to be too much fragmentation within government as well as a lack of cohesive relationships with stakeholders. So whats happening is that the government has neglected the area due to their apparent limitations, NGO's do most of the work for no charge and this also puts a strain on them and finally the community is not invovled- they have a potential to bring-in money that can contribute to the area's maintenance and build social networks which is beneficial for the broader city.

This is why I would also like to suggest the idea of managing the area holistically (considering the biophysical and socio-economic aspects in the planning and management) through collaborative public-private partnerships with regard to managing my study area (this can be done for the other sections too, but my focus is only on the LL), as I think given its setting, this type of approach could work. So where do you think I can incorporate this aspect? And perhaps in what order could I put it? 

Hi GG,

I'm not quite sure I understand what a pilot test is...sorry. Could you pls elaborate? Would I need to write the section after the introduction or as a subsection of the intro? and what could I name the section?

No dear. This is for my honors dissertation. I've sort of written-up stuff but they're not working for my supervisor so now I'm trying to understand how I could reconstruct the thesis to produce a more clearer and rigorous paper. All this writing like this is new to me and I don't know how others have managed. Its such a challenge with me!

Nonetheless, I appreciate your kind assisstance very much. By the way, could I hand in some excerpts of my work for editting and grammar checks?