Transiently Permanent

Share on Facebook

K.Shankar

#108261 Mon, 13 Jun 05 11:11 AM

Sometimes a thunderbolt will shoot from a clear sky;
and sometimes, into the midst of a peaceful family
without warning of gathered storm above or
slightest tremble of earthquake beneath
will fall a terrible fact,
and from that moment everything is changed
The air is thick with cloud, and cannot weep itself clear,
There may come a gorgeous sunset, though
for the world is filled with transiences which
emulates itself in a veil of permanence

K.Shankar

Joined on Mon, May 23 2005

Chennai, India

New Member (18)

Mister Micawber

#108675 Tue, 14 Jun 05 11:26 AM

I don't warm to the oxymoronic title-- it seems to belittle your statement.

After your first careful semicolon, you have failed to punctuate adequately.

This is a wonderful phrase: 'The air... cannot weep itself clear'. I bow to your Muse.

Grammatically, you have: 'transiences which emulates itself'. No subject/verb agreement, aside from the fact that 'transience' as a countable noun weakens its significance (at least for me).

Mister Micawber

Joined on Wed, Aug 4 2004

Yokohama

Veteran Member (22,249)

'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master-- that's all.'

Nouns, Verbs, Colons, Countable nouns, Semicolons

Poem: Different Standards

K.Shankar

#108694 Tue, 14 Jun 05 12:05 PM

Thanks Mr. Micawber for your valuble comments.

1) Oxymoron may some times serve the purpose of captivating & you are right in your observation.

2) Well yes, I now see it - the punctuation is really bad. Will take care in future.

3) Thanks for your compliment - Even I liked it Smile [:)]

-

4) Grammar - Would welcome comments from learned men like you, since I am not a native speaker of English. It will definitely help me improve.

Thanks for your time.

With regards
Shankar

K.Shankar