Translation French to English

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Jerome_carlier  #215856  Sat, 15 Apr 06 10:56 AM

Hi,

I'm studying English at university and I have to hand in a translations set very soon.  The translations are from French to English.  Most of the texts are from Belgian newspapers or magazines.  Here is my first text.  Could someone have a look and tell me if it sounds English?  Thanks very much in advance.

Crime Prevention: Protecting Yourself Without Going Broke

 

Crime prevention is a real business.  Sophisticated crime prevention is in vogue.  In Belgium, 200 burglaries are carried out daily.

 

“In 1995, several burglaries were committed in our neighbourhood, which is said to be quiet”, says Philippe, from Tamines (Sambreville).  “Those who were robbed felt as if they had been violated.  The others had panic attacks.  I was one of those later.  Since I did not have any alarm system, I had one installed.  At the time it cost me 50,000 old Belgian francs”.  200 burglaries are committed in Belgium daily.

 

On Tuesday night at 8:45 p.m., Arte will devote its Thema programme to good bargains in crime prevention.  According to the TV channel, security alarm salesmen in France arouse their clients’ fears in order to get people to buy very sophisticated and very expensive alarm systems.  In Belgium too you have to break open the piggy bank if you want to get good protection.  The basic price for an electronic alarm system is 1000 € and it climbs according to the customer’s level of worry.  Crime prevention could be much cheaper and still effective.

 

Thierry Souverains, who is in charge of the Public Relations Department of the Permanent Secretary of prevention policy, says: “I don’t doubt about the effectiveness of electronic alarm systems.  They put the owners mind at ease”, says.  “But very elementary mechanical systems are adequate for protecting a house.  The Police estimated that it takes about 3 minutes for a thief to rob a house.  He enters the house in a few seconds, has a good look at the house for about 2 minutes and then takes to his heels in a few seconds.  Installing a safety bolt or a strong Yale cylinder lock is much cheaper than a very sophisticated alarm system.  And it is enough to put discourage burglars.

 

“In almost every police zone there is a counsellor in techno-prevention”, Thierry Souverains adds.  “Most of the time it’s a policeman who goes to the house of the person seeking assistance.  He analyses the weak points of the house and suggests free antitheft solutions.  For instance he will heartily encourage to get installed frames and secured windows that not even a hammer could break.  The person who wants to do so will pay 10% more than for basic materials.  The extra cost is worth it.”

 

What is more, some 60 Belgian urban councils offer conditionally crime prevention grants.  “Those are offered to elderly people and low-income groups”, says the person in charge.  But aren’t there more burglaries committed in residential areas?  “Maybe!  But we consider that a solicitor who lives in a lovely wooded suburb can afford such expenses”.

 

  
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Mister Micawber  #216758  Mon, 17 Apr 06 09:25 AM

Yes, it sounds reasonably natural.  Some notes:


Use a variety of sentence structures-- complex, compound-complex, etc-- rather than a series of short simple sentences.

Commas go inside of the quotation marks for quotes; as do periods, if the quote is the entire sentence.

Latter, not later

'in charge of the Public Relations Department of the Permanent Secretary of prevention policy' -- something is wrong semantically here.

Doubt, not doubt about

ease”, says. -- Who says?

police not Police

discourage, not put discourage

encourage needs a direct object

conditional, not conditionally

  
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