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New2grammar  #536707  Fri, 04 Jul 08 06:24 PM
 I'm still waiting for Avangi to point out my mistakes. Thanks for pointing out 'week' and 'bolt'.
  
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Avangi  #536800  Fri, 04 Jul 08 10:28 PM
Hi New2, sorry to have hit you like that.  I've just come back from a long sleep  -  not feeling well   -   now bound for a family 4th of July outing.  It's going to be a while. Can't concentrate on the subtle stuff.

The week feet and door bolt were immediately "in your face."  That's the easy stuff.  (People I know just call it "the chain."  The "latch" is the one-way mechanism which engages automatically when the door closes, and then must be released by some deliberate operation   -   like a car door.  The sliding lock is usually called a bolt, reminiscent of old "bolt-action" rifles   -   definitely not standard contemporary door hardware. A second door lock is often installed (fitted into the door panel) of the bolt variety, operated by a key outside and a knob inside   -   considered more burglar-proof than the latch.  The expression "bolt the door" probably goes way back.  The chain arrangement is more recent.)

I'll be back.  Sorry.  - A.
  
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New2grammar  #536801  Fri, 04 Jul 08 10:38 PM
No, problem. I'll wait until you come back. Have a nice vacation!!! Happy 4th of July! and drive safely if you're driving!
  
Avangi  #536892  Sat, 05 Jul 08 07:02 AM

A knock on my door. Sleepy as I had almost fallen asleep, I rolled out of bed onto my week weak feet. I dragged myself over to the door.

I've never heard of weak feet in this context. "I rolled out of bed onto my feet" is fine and natural. We often say we're weak in the knees from fear, or "My legs felt like jelly." "Weak feet" just doesn't fly. I don't know. Maybe, "I rolled out of bed onto my feet, but they didn't want to support me.  (OR refused to support me.)"

Too tired to look through the peephole, I opened the door a crack with the bolt chain still on, cursing whoever was disturbing myself me at this late hour.

I don't think in the US we'd say "I opened a crack" in this context.

But much to my pleasant surprise, a sexy doll-like young woman, probably in her early twenties, looked at me with a wide smile and big brown eyes. (good)

[NEW PARAGRAPH] It was a bit chilly. I could feel the cool breeze brushing against my exposed neck, hands and feet, wearing only boxers under my blue house robe.

Logically, the order of the last sentence should be reversed, placing the participial phrase first. As it is, "exposed" makes no sense to the reader.

Two more logical problems: (1) Do you normally sleep in your house robe? You say you were in bed, nearly asleep. You describe getting out of bed and going to the door in minute detail. When did you put on the robe?

(2) Where is the cool breeze coming from? You only opened the door a crack. Are your windows open? Your door opens into a hallway. Why would there be a breeze in the hallway? (The girl is supposed to be effected / not effected by the same cool breeze.)

She stood calmly there, seemingly not shivering, with only her sheer, short red nightie covering her petite body, exposing her vulnerable arms, shoulders and most of her legs.

"Vulnerable" is out of style, as my music composition professor would have said. I know what you mean. You could describe the girl as vulnerable. Somehow "vulnerable arms" seems ugly.

I think the "exposing" phrase would go better as "leaving her etc. etc. exposed."

Though the hallway was dim dimly lit, you could tell she wasn't wearing a bra. My eyes were wide open by now and when I was about to ask her why she rang my doorbell, she put a her hand on my door and gently said, "Can I come in?"

"Her hand" is more personal/tender?

My natural answer was would have been no (OR My instinct was to say no,) but before the word came out of my mouth, my mouth swallowed and replaced it as if it had a brain of its own, "Yes, sure". I shut briefly closed the door, unlocked it and open to unhook the chain, then opened it wide with an inviting gesture, "Come on in".




  
Avangi  #536895  Sat, 05 Jul 08 07:19 AM
New2grammar
A knock on my door (I deliberately make it an incomplete sentence).  It's okay by me.  Sleepy as I had almost fallen asleep, I rolled out of bed onto (Is onto not right?)  "onto" is good  my week feet. I dragged myself over to the door. Too tired to look through the peephole, I opened a crack (It's a phrase I've learned recently)  It sounds foreign to me.  Do you have a reference??  with the bolt still on, cursing whoever was disturbing myself at this late hour. But much to my pleasant surprise, a sexy doll-like young woman, probably in her early twenties,  looked at me with a wide smile and big brown eyes. It was a bit chilly. I could feel the cool breeze brushing against (Is brushing against not a good description?)  I think "brushing against" is fine.  See my note on sentence order  my exposed neck, hands and feet, wearing only boxers under my blue house robe. She stood calmly there (Should I reverse it to be 'there calmly'?) I debated that.  I would personally, but I think yours is okay  , seemingly not shivering, with only (Should I replace with only with 'had on'?) Your version is good.  her sheer, short red nightie covering her petite body, exposing her vulnerable arms, shoulders and most of her legs. Though the hallway was dim, you could tell she wasn't wearing a bra. My eyes were wide open by now and when I was about to ask her why she rang my doorbell, she put a hand on my door and gently said, "Can I come in?" My natural answer was no but before the word came out of my mouth, my mouth swallowed and replaced it as if it had a brain of its own, "Yes, sure". I shut the door, unlocked it and open it wide with an inviting gesture, "Come on in".
  
New2grammar  #536922  Sat, 05 Jul 08 09:30 AM
Thanks, Avangi. I'm going out soon. Let me asnwer some of your questions and continue later.

Two more logical problems: (1) Do you normally sleep in your house robe? You say you were in bed, nearly asleep. You describe getting out of bed and going to the door in minute detail. When did you put on the robe?

No. That's a very good point! I thought I could omit the detail as it was boring. But you've a good point that I was describing in minute detail so I need it.


(2) Where is the cool breeze coming from? You only opened the door a crack. Are your windows open? Your door opens into a hallway. Why would there be a breeze in the hallway? (The girl is supposed to be effected / not effected by the same cool breeze.)

There are pressure differences: between my warm apartment and the cold hallway and between the outside and the hallway. Imagine an apartment building. Don't you call the wind that blows to equalize the pressure difference breeze? Technically, we were effected by different breeze but when I opened the door the same breeze effected both of us and probably blew her scent to me because of that.

Antoher question, why dimly lit is better than dim?


I'll be right back...Thank you for your prompt reply... Enjoy your vacation and we can continue when you come back.




EDIT:

Why answer and instinct are assigned different tenses?

Avangi
My natural answer waswould have been no (OR My instinct was to say no,)



Here are some references:
http://books.google.com.my/books?hl=en&q=%22I%20opened%20a%20crack%22&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wp

Avangi
I don't think in the US we'd say "I opened a crack" in this context.
  
Avangi  #537156  Sat, 05 Jul 08 10:58 PM
New2grammar
Here are some references:
http://books.google.com.my/books?hl=en&q=%22I%20opened%20a%20crack%22&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wp 
Avangi
I don't think in the US we'd say "I opened a crack" in this context.
This was quite an experience for me.  I learned that a usage which is unnatural to me is perfectly natural to others.  Thank you.

The famous educator Alfred North Whitehead claimed your education is only useful after you've thrown away your books and notes. Although I never quite agreed, I fancy that's where I'm now at (to borrow from the vernacular).  It's a bit painful to re-teach my brain.  And yet I realize this is what you guys go through many times every day.  My hat's off to you.

"I opened a crack [of/in the door/window]."  This is very hard for me to swallow.

To me, to open a crack in something is to create a fracture where one is not supposed to be   -   like what the stupid bulldozer operator did to the foundation wall of my house.  "Crack" is the direct object of the verb "to open."  It's like "to create a crack."

While riding in the car, someone may say, "Please crack your window."  I learned to accept this only after hearing it many times. "Window" is the direct object of the verb "to crack."

"I went to the door and opened a crack."  What is the direct object of "opened"?  Is it "crack," or is it [door] understood???  Or is it the same structure as , "I went to the door and screamed a little"??

What I'm really comfortable with is, "I opened the door a crack."  "Door" is the direct object of "to open," and "a crack" is adverbial.

I guess this should have been a separate thread.

Best wishes,  - A.
  
RayH  #537179  Sun, 06 Jul 08 12:53 AM

New2grammar
Sleepy as I had almost fallen asleep

This doesn't read right. Try one of these:
"Sleepily, as I had almost fallen asleep,..." or
"Sleepily (as I had almost fallen asleep)..."
  
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Avangi  #537197  Sun, 06 Jul 08 02:35 AM
New2grammar
Antoher question, why dimly lit is better than dim?
Just going by instinct on this one.  I think of "dim" as a modifier for "light" in some form, rather than as a modifier for an area.  The dictionaries don't support me on this, so your version is as good as mine.  - A.

Edit.  Don't forget to invert your verb order in questions:  "Why is dimly lit better than dim?"
  
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