Need Your Valuable Suggestions-Motivation Letter for MA Programme in Marketing

Wang Mengjie (Ms.),

First, I trust you have read the top two posts in this section of the forum? I want to be sure that you are willing to have you information available to world at large and have it remain so.

Second, your essay is very chaotic. It needs some structure. You need to simplify it and use simple, plain language.

Start off with your goal. Tell them your academic background. And then tell them why you want into their program. Finally, summarize everything.


Have a look at the following authors’ posts for some ideas:

-JayT
-Nadine
-Soufiane
-Julietta

MountainHiker

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Dear [?] Sir or Madam, [watch the capitalizations]

Having a flair for Marketing, I wish to apply for a MA programme in Marketing after completing my BA programme in International Business. I have always been a very determined and studious individual, hence why I knew that a degree at your university would be the definite next step [how does being determined and studious identify THAT university?]. [The many brilliant representatives of the business community around the world have strengthened that resolve. –you junk that sentence. It adds nothing.]

Marketing is everywhere as there are always needs to satisfy, exchange to expedite, changing circumstances to monitor and decisions to make. [I am not sure what the preceding sentence means.] Learning marketing enhances my awareness as a consumer [??], helps company to generate profits and have a greater sense of well-being, influences the economic growth, and thus helps to improve the quality of our life. [I think you meant to say something like….By learning marketing, I will be better positioned to help companies serve their customers’ needs, which will result in greater customers satisfaction and profits for my company…Is that it?]

My family has been in business for many years. [How many is many? 1, 2, 5, 50, 500?] My curiousity about marketing was initialed by an illuminating experience of being asked by my parents to define marketing. A variety of words as “advertising”, “selling”, “hype”, “conning people”, “targeting”, and “packaging” came through my head. In reality, marketing encompasses many more activities than I realize and depends on a wealth of formal concepts, processes and models not implied by sound bites just listed. From that moment on, a determination to discover the true meaning of marketing has been leading my academic way towards business. [This is good, you just need to rewrite this in a more business like language. You should probably also tell us what business your parents are involved with.]

To prepare myself better for this objective [which is what?], in 2001 after my graduation from high school, I went to Vaasa Polytechnic University in Finland, with my twelve years basic knowledge and life experience in China [you were only 12 years old??], to gain my BA Degree in International Business. I began to consider the ethical demands by the business environment and society; I learned the methodology for seeking and specializing information for writing essays and conducting research; I was aware of diverse languages and cultures; I was able to perceive the formation of computers [what do you mean by the formation of computers?], Microsoft software, and networks; I got familiar with laws and regulations regarding business aspects; I was able to record, measure, and report any financial performance of a firm; I had a view of the structure, characteristics and development of national and international economics; I comprehended the method of realizing a functioning business idea by utilizing marketing elements and management skills; and I went through basic concepts on hotel and restaurant business as optional studies. [this paragraph needs to be either scrapped or rewritten. I am not sure what you are driving at here. What is the main purpose of this paragraph?]

Relied on wide range of knowledge on business, I was brought into the world of marketing on the theoretical basis through heavy readings on 5Ps of marketing-products, place, promotion, pricing and people; persistent project works and cooperation on the mix of marketing elements and marketing environment; intensive discussions on marketing strategies and marketing planning of companies; further researches on cultural differences, competitions, as well as consumer needs; and my thoroughly analytical final thesis on Consumer Behavior. [Same comment as the prior paragraph. I thought you parents gave you the “illuminating experience,” so I am puzzled by your “…I was brought into the world…” stuff.]

In 2004, I worked as an intern for a medical device importing company BAOTE Medical Equipment Co., Ltd CHINA in the Marketing Department. My duties included gathering the information from customers’ feedback about the products, analyzing how it is going on in the market, informing the foreign manufacturers of the result, as well as conducting a marketing research paper for the company. Due to various customer personalities and freight forwarding, I learned to cooperate with different personal connections and governmental issues. Furthermore I was able to learn organizational skills by handling unexpended events and challenges. [I am not sure what you are saying here.]

Overcoming countless difficulties, precious benefits are derived from my previous experience of oversea study. Cutting fingers by accident during cooking, calling the accommodation company when locked out of my room, complaining about the heating, providing assistance to catch thieves, getting along with demanding teachers, taking part in a tough camping tour-Every piece of memory reflects my abilities to understand and adapt to new environments and cultures. Mastering English, Spanish and Finnish enable effective communications with others in my career. I realize the way to sufficiently plan my studies and spare times after four years part time job as a waitress. The interests on reading and traveling reveal my enthusiasm of observations and good perception. [I would throw this paragraph away.]

Obviously, as an undergraduate student in business, I have done well. However, motivations from early days and theoretical cognitions on marketing [watch your capitalizations!] can not satisfy my thirst for further researches in this field. I consider myself to be well suited to apply for a MA programme at your university and moreover put the theories into practice as a qualified employee for a company. I will understand the latest theories of marketing combined with strong real world experience that will allow me to develop interesting and significant topics for further study and channel my professional skills into providing unique business solutions.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I am looking forward to your reply.

Yours faithfully,

Wang Mengjie (Ms.)

I don't have time right now, but I will look it over later.

Dear Mr. MountainHiker

Thank you very much again for your time and precious suggestions. I have made some modifications. Could you please take a look again?

Paragraph one is about my objective, paragraph two is about what I have learned in previous university regarding other aspects, paragraph three is about what I have learned in my favorite course Marketing, paragraph four is about my internship, paragragh five and six are about my motivations to study marketing, the last two paragraphs are about summaries and future plans.

I am looking forward to your reply. Your help will be greatly appreciated.

Yours sincerely,
Maggie



Dear Sir or Madam,

Having a flair for marketing, I wish to apply for a MA programme in marketing in September 2005. I will be graduating with BA degree in International Business from Vaasa Polytechnic University in May 2005. My objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university.

To prepare myself better for this object, I have always endeavored to upgrade my education in the field of business. In 2001 after my graduation from high school, I was accepted by an English-taught BA Programme in International Business at Vaasa Polytechnic University in Finland. I successfully obtained high grade in most of the courses with the GPA at 3.5 as evidence. I was able to efficiently plan my studies and build analytical opinions on business research due to courses regarding Research Methodologies. I made extensive use of data processing, wording processing, spreadsheet applications, and Internet. Moreover, having been raised in China combined with my experience in Finland, I am well versed in two cultures, four different languages (Chinese, English, Spanish and Finnish), and am able to quickly assimilate into new surroundings.

As regard to marketing which I prefer most, I have gained insight into the mix of the five “P” elements (including product, price, promotion, place, and people) of the marketing concept and its implementation. I was able to understand the political, legal, social, and economical marketing environment and conduct successful environmental scanning and analysis on marketing. Moreover, I was aware that to develop international marketing strategies successfully, we need to flexibly cope with cultural differences.

In 2004, I worked as an intern for a medical device importing company BAOTE Medical Equipment Co., Ltd CHINA in the marketing department. My duties included gathering the information from customers’ feedback about the products, analyzing our market competitiveness and profitability, assisting foreign manufacturers to improve their quality, as well as writing a marketing research paper for the company. I learned to cooperate with different customer personalities and government issues regarding marketing. Furthermore I was able to learn organizational skills by handling unexpended events and challenges.

For nearly a hundred years, my family and extended families were involved with lines of businesses such as a retailer of shoes and clothes, a wholesaler supplying foods, and a car device importing company. My interest about marketing was initialed by an illuminating experience of being asked by my parents to define marketing. A variety of words as “advertising”, “selling”, “hype”, “conning people”, “targeting”, and “packaging” came through my head. In reality, marketing encompasses many more activities than I realize and depends on a wealth of formal concepts, processes and models not implied by sound bites just listed. Since then, a determination to discover the true meaning of marketing has been leading my academic way towards marketing.

By learning marketing, I will be better positioned to help companies serve their customers’ needs, which will result in greater customers’ satisfaction and profits for my company. Besides, studying marketing enables us consumers to be well informed about accurate information on products before purchase. Understanding marketing leads to the evaluation of corrective measure such as laws and regulations that may be required to stop unfair or unethical marketing practices around us.

Obviously, I have a strong multi-cultural education background in business. However, motivations from early days and theoretical cognitions on marketing can not satisfy my thirst for further researches in this field. I consider myself to be well suited to apply for a MA programme at your university and moreover put the theories into practice as a qualified employee for a company. I will understand the latest theories of marketing combined with strong real world experience that will allow me to develop interesting and significant topics for further study and channel my professional skills into providing unique business solutions.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I am looking forward to your reply.

Yours faithfully,

Wang Mengjie (Ms.)

Dear Mr. Moutain Hiker,

Thank you very much for your time and precious suggestions. I have made some changes, especially the paragraph 4(something about my families) and the last sentence of the second last paragraph(something about my future plan). Could you please take a look?

I am looking forward to your reply.

Best regards,
maggie



Dear Sir or Madam,

Having a flair for marketing, I wish to apply for a MA programme in marketing in September 2005. I will be graduating with BA degree in International Business from Vaasa Polytechnic University in May 2005. My career objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university.

I have always endeavored to do my best and learn as much as possible. In 2001 after my graduation from high school in China, I was accepted by an English-taught BA Programme in International Business at Vaasa Polytechnic University in Finland. Although it was a difficult, in part because I had to adjust to a new culture and language, I successfully obtained high marks in most of the courses with an overall GPA of 3.5. Moreover, having been raised in China combined with my experience in Finland, I am well versed in two cultures, four different languages--Chinese, English, Spanish and Finnish--and am able to quickly assimilate into new surroundings.

In 2004, I worked as an intern for a medical device importing company BAOTE Medical Equipment Co., Ltd CHINA in the marketing department. My duties included gathering the information from customers’ feedback about the products, analyzing our market competitiveness and profitability, assisting foreign manufacturers to improve their quality, as well as writing a marketing research paper for the company. I learned to interact with different customer personalities and resolve government issues. Furthermore I was able to learn creative organizational skills by handling unexpected events and challenges.

For nearly a hundred years, my family and extended families were involved with lines of businesses such as a retailer of shoes and clothes, a wholesaler supplying foods, and a car device importing company. My interest about marketing was initialed by an illuminating experience of being enlightened their understanding of marketing in accordance with the experience of their business career: marketing is about ethically satisfying customers’ needs in a better way. In reality, marketing encompasses many more activities than that and depends on a wealth of formal concepts, processes and models not implied by sound bites just mentioned. Since then, a determination to discover the true meaning of marketing has been leading my academic way towards marketing.

By learning marketing, I will be better positioned to help companies serve their customers’ needs, which will result in greater customers’ satisfaction and profits for my company. Besides, studying marketing enables us consumers to be well informed about accurate information on products before purchase. Understanding marketing leads to the evaluation of corrective measure such as laws and regulations that may be required to stop unfair or unethical marketing practices around us.

I posses a rich and strong multicultural background that serves as important foundation for my business aspirations. Through hard work and dedication I have grown immensely during the past four years while completing my BA in International Business in Finland. I want to compliment my education with a focused study in marketing. I wish to develop my existing knowledge and understanding of marketing in theory and moreover channel my professional skills into practice.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I am looking forward to your reply.

Yours faithfully,

Ms. Wang Mengjie