What is wrong with this CV?

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Anonymous  #473975  Thu, 07 Feb 08 05:57 PM

Hi all,

 

I have been using my CV around for some months, and suddenly, an HR agent asked me to correct “several” grammatical errors in it. I have asked an English-speaking friend to review it. But, as I have added some changes or updates, I may have introduce some errors.

 

Would you please review it? I have posted only its first part. I don’t want to abuse from your patience.

 

I am very curious to know what is wrong with it. Please, focus only on the English grammar and not in template, model and so on.

 

Disregard some technical IT acronyms.

 

Thanks a million.

 

 

 

////////////////////////////////////////

AREA

BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE / DATA WAREHOUSING CONSULTING

 

EDUCATION

 

Computer Science Bachelor Degree

*** University of ***, 1994 ~ 1997.

 

SKILLS SUMMARY

 

* 12 years on IT industry: consultancies and software vendors.

* Customer facing experience on pre sales, project, delivery, and support roles.

* Ability to discuss technical issues with business approach (ROI, TCO, SLA, SabOx, SOA)

* Experience as DBA, Analyst and Developer in projects on several industries: banking, telecom, retail, health insurance, energy, marketing and public sector.

* Blue chip company experience: ACME, XYZ, XPTO.

 

BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE EXPERIENCE

 

* As pre sales: POC’s definition, building and presentation. Business value propositions.

* Business requirements analysis and specifications definition.

* Data analysis and modeling: designing data warehouse models, facts, dimensions, star schemas, using Kimball methodology.

* ETL: data sources definitions, data transformations and loads, mappings.

* Deployment: BI tools, apps and data warehouse database installation, schema and metadata deployment, initial loads, database tuning, and ETL jobs scheduling.

 

INTERESTS

 

* Project Management

* Financial Industry

* BI&W, BPM, EPM

 

PERSONAL

 

* Consulting and costumer facing experience.

* Self-studying. Analytical and problem solving skills.

* Dynamic, team player, flexible.

* EU Citizen. EU passport holder. Travel availability.

 

LANGUAGE SKILLS

 

* Portuguese: native language.

* Spanish: fluent reading and good conversational level.

////////////////////////////////////////

  
Clive  #474060  Thu, 07 Feb 08 10:58 PM

Hi,

I have been using my CV around for some months, and suddenly, an HR agent asked me to correct “several” grammatical errors in it. I have asked an English-speaking friend to review it. But, as I have added some changes or updates, I may have introduce some errors.

 

Would you please review it? I have posted only its first part. I don’t want to abuse from your patience.

 

I am very curious to know what is wrong with it. Please, focus only on the English grammar and not in template, model and so on.

 

Disregard some technical IT acronyms.

 

Thanks a million.

 

 

 

////////////////////////////////////////

AREA

BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE / DATA WAREHOUSING CONSULTING

 

EDUCATION

 

Computer Science Bachelor Degree

*** University of ***, 1994 ~ 1997.

 

SKILLS SUMMARY

 

* 12 years in IT industry: consultancies and software vendors.

* Customer facing experience <<< say this another way on pre-sales, project, delivery, and support roles.

* Ability to discuss technical issues with business approach (ROI, TCO, SLA, SabOx, SOA)

* Experience as DBA, Analyst and Developer on projects in several industries: banking, telecom, retail, health insurance, energy, marketing and public sector.

* Blue chip company experience: ACME, XYZ, XPTO.

 

BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE EXPERIENCE

 

* As pre-sales: POC’s definition, building and presentation. Business value propositions.

* Business requirements analysis and specifications definition.

* Data analysis and modeling: designing data warehouse models, facts, dimensions, star schemas, using Kimball methodology.

* ETL: data sources definitions, data transformations and loads, mappings.

* Deployment: BI tools, apps and data warehouse database installation, schema and metadata deployment, initial loads, database tuning, and ETL jobs scheduling.

 

INTERESTS

 

* Project Management

* Financial Industry

* BI&W, BPM, EPM

 

PERSONAL

 

* Consulting and costumer facing experience. <<< sounds like you worked in the fashion industry Stick out tongue [:P]

* Self-studying. Analytical and problem solving skills.

* Dynamic, team player, flexible.

* EU Citizen. EU passport holder. Travel availability.

 

LANGUAGE SKILLS

 

* Portuguese: native language.

* Spanish: fluent reading and good conversational level.

best wishes, Clive

  
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Anonymous  #474820  Sat, 09 Feb 08 11:52 AM
Thank you once more for your help. I am going to post another part of my CV soon after doing similar corrections you did.
  
Anonymous  #475160  Sun, 10 Feb 08 09:28 AM
Is there any general guideline on using "in" or "on" in this context? I have noticed that was my most common error.

Thank you.
  
Anonymous  #538994  Wed, 09 Jul 08 11:07 PM
Hi, I'm portuguese too.. I was looking for something related with languages when I found this message. If you are still sending CVs, you might want to consider revising it...specially by using active verbs at the beginning of the sentences. Check at <url removed by mod.> the vault resume and cover letter guide!

Boa sorte!

Abraco
  
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