Will I survive?

I wonder if it needs a refrain, Benita. It's quite like the words of a song.

MrP

Hello Benita

Well, much depends on the choice of words and the rhythm. Are there any songs or poems you particularly like?

MrP

Well, even the lyrics of very effective songs can look like deflated balloons on paper.

To go back to your original question, one trick which songwriters use, and which doesn't transfer well to poetry, is the use of 'empty' words to extend the line to its necessary length, e.g. 'just', 'really', 'baby'.

Also, you find some very strange phrasing in songs, e.g. in Diana Ross's 'Upside Down', which must surely be a contender for the 'duffest lyric of all time' award:

"I say to thee respectfully
Upside down you're turning me."

Here, the quaint 'thee', the vapid 'respectfully', and the clunky inversion only exist because the lyricist wants a bunch of 'ee' sounds.

(Sorry. Now you'll have dozens of outraged Diana Ross fans flying in and spamming your thread.)

MrP

I think this piece of work can be the lyric for a song.....do you know music ? Try to get this poem a piece of music.....make it be a song....don't you think that is great ?

I do wirte poems too, of couse I am only at the kids level.....
I started to write english poems when I was 12....I am not a native English speaker....so I find it a little bit difficult to express my feeling fluently through a poem.....
I will try my best to learn.....
And.....what I wanna say is.... you have done very well .... I hopw you can publish them ..... someday * Keep gggoing*