Would you Tell me about my errors in Pronunciation and Intonation

Hi Farshidamani, welcome to the forum.

Farshidamani wrote:

Hi, I'm new at English and enthusiasm in learning English. I found here very friendly and hope I learn so many things from you and others. Yeah, this is one of the best forums for learners. I have recorded my voice reading an excerpt of a short story to find out about plenty of my errors in speaking and pronuncing words. I want to improve it through recording and finding my errors. I'm learning American English. Now I want to ask you to download this small audio file and listen to it if possible, then tell me what should I do to improve my poor English accent.

I'm a learner too, so I can't be of much help, but since I'm learning American English too, I listened to your file...
Well, you said you have a poor accent, but in my opinion it's not bad at all. I mean, it's not unpleasant to listen to, it doesn't seem to me that you have a strong foreign accent.
I listened to your file quickly, and since I'm a learner and my accent is not so good, I don't think I'm able to point out every your little mistake. Anyway, here are some things I noticed:

you pronounced "took" with the "oo" like in "cool", instead of like "cook".
you pronounced "noise" with an "s" sound at the end, instead of "z"
you didn't drop some "h's" I would have dropped, like "realizing what he had done", which I would pronounce "realizing wha dee had done". I don't think it's a mistake anyway.

You'd better wait for some native speakers though