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writing my thoughts on verses

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Believer  #545133  Tue, 22 Jul 08 11:33 PM
Hi,

Let's say that I am trying to put my thoughts about some Bible verses and want to show the "thought" paper (could it be called "reflection" paper?) I wrote to other people.

John 20: 1-18

I think these verses talk about Mary Maglene finding the stone from the entrance missing and calling on Simon Peter and the other disciple to come and take a look. They saw what they saw. Mary was crying when Jesus appeared before her and asked her why she is crying. Jesus appeared before her and told her that He is returning to the Father. Mary then went to the disciples to tell what He had said to her.

Can a person write my "thought" (reflection??) paper like this?

Mary Magdalene was the first recorded witness to the resurrection... When we do what God asks, we will be shown His mercy. Those two disciples run to see what happened when they hear the Lord has been taken out of the tomb. When the other disciple stepped into the grave to see what had happened, he finally "believed" in the resurrection (v. 8).  
  
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Mister Micawber  #545164  Wed, 23 Jul 08 12:23 AM
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No-- you are mixing tenses inappropriately.  Either tell the story (Mary saw, the disciples came) or record the image (Mary sees, the disciples come).
  
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Believer  #545247  Wed, 23 Jul 08 03:12 AM
Thank you, Mr. M.

I think I have made a couple of mistakes on tenses, besides my misspelling of Mary's name, for the work I have done to paraphrase John 20: 1-18 in my own words.

Self-correction on what  I wrote:


I think these verses talk about Mary Maglene Magdalene  finding the stone from the entrance missing and calling on Simon Peter and the other disciple to come and take a look. They saw what they saw. Mary was crying when Jesus appeared before her and asked her why she is was crying. Jesus appeared before her and told her that He is (was) returning to the Father. Mary then went to the disciples to tell what He had said to her.

Does my self-correction correct? Could I have written "is returning" for the second correction effort?

Thank you.
  
Mister Micawber  #545335  Wed, 23 Jul 08 08:26 AM
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I think these verses talk about Mary Magdalene finding the stone missing from the entrance and calling on Simon Peter and the other disciples to come and take a look. They saw what she [?] saw. Mary cried when Jesus appeared before her, and he asked her why she was crying. He told her that He was returning to the [His?] Father. Mary then went to the disciples and told them what He had said to her.
  
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