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This is a discussion thread.
Latest post Thu, Apr 14 2005 10:18 AM by maj. 2 replies.
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maj
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Thu, 14 Apr 05 10:18 AM
Your words enter my soul
as if they were slippers walking
silently the night
looking for the ghost
that left them behind.
Your words kill the pain in me
soothing it with soft cotton
but outside it is cold
I am broken sitting in despair
listening to the air
hearing your silent voice
I long for warmer times
when your words and mine
were holding hands
in a love song
that was never mine.
I am not happy with the last two lines. Any comments will be appreciated.
Joined on
Mon, Mar 31 2003
Senior Member
4,756
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anita_a
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Thu, 14 Apr 05 06:48 PM
That's a nice poem Maj.Imagery is good. Maybe you could just think of changing the last line.... 'that was sheer melody' or 'that was so right' (just a suggestion)
Joined on
Tue, Jul 27 2004
Sunny California
Regular Member
822
Cheers,Anita
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x.mehrdad
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92304
Fri, 22 Apr 05 05:04 AM
From the Hades of an unknown desire Where Orpheus lost all he regained in misery
A wisteria of opium smoke rose above the earth To wrap around the soft stem of a tender word Not a promise nor a prophecy What it was It's still a mystery
Joined on
Fri, Mar 4 2005
Full Member
186
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