Re: Mistake from where

Danyoo — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 03:47:15 GMT

For the whole, I enclosed herewith my resume for your kind consideration and I hope my solid experience would properly help myself to develop my career in this field.
Suggestion: Herewith I have enclosed my resume for your kind consideration and hope my solid experience will enable me to further develop my career in this field.
-For the whole is not needed.
-I hope my.....will....not would.
-Better to say further develop since you are saying you already have experience.

I would like to success your business if future great cooperation can be achieved.
Suggestion: I am looking forward to getting an opportunity to contribute to the future success of your company.
-This is very poorly constructed sentence.

I look forward to being granted an interview, when I shall be glad to explain myself to you more detail.
Suggestion: I look forward to being granted an interview, at which time I will be glad to further explain more about myself.
-shall be is not commonly used in modern day English...at least not in American English.

Mistake from where

Ben9108 — Mon, 26 Dec 2005 18:09:04 GMT

The following paragraph is a part of my application letter. It has been commented by two interviewers. Up to this moment, i cannot find the problem from where. Have anyone help me?

"For the whole, I enclosed herewith my resume for your kind consideration and I hope my solid experience would properly help myself to develop my career in this field. I would like to success your business if future great cooperation can be achieved. I look forward to being granted an interview, when I shall be glad to explain myself to you more detail. "

ESL General English Grammar Questions

Re: Mistake from where

Mistake from where