ESL General English Grammar Questions

Re: Question about paragraph/sentence style and structure.

Anonymous — Thu, 09 Mar 2006 05:08:08 GMT

Revision noted...thanks for your time.

Re: Question about paragraph/sentence style and structure.

Clive — Wed, 08 Mar 2006 02:00:33 GMT

Hi,

A lady at a bookstore hung up on me five times today. So I drove all the way to talk with her. It turns out they had been scammed by someone using relay months ago. So I taught her what to do when getting a strange relay call. Explained differences between IP-relay, state relay etc. Because she's the manager, she notified all bookstores in the region to be conscious of deaf people using relay. This will help deaf here a lot with relay calls to Waldenbooks or Borders bookstores.

For some reason I feel like the sentences start/end abruptly,Yes. resulting in a bumpy read. I noticed a reduntant usage of "So" in "So I drove" and "So I taught".Yes Furthermore, something feels erronous about the transition.Yes Example: "Because she's the manager" is usuallyNot always grammatically unacceptable in English courses because of the word "Because" at the beginning of the sentence.

What can I do with my paragraph/sentence style and structure to make it more condensed and flow more efficiently? Here's my try.

A lady at a bookstore hung up on me five times today, so I drove all the way to talk with her. It turns out they had been scammed by someone using relay(I don't know this term, I guess it's OK) months ago, so I taught her what to do when getting a strange relay call. I explained the differences between IP-relay, state relay etc.

She was the manager, so she notified all the bookstores in the region to be careful about deaf people using relay. I hope this outcome will help deaf people here a lot with their relay calls to Waldenbooks or Borders bookstores.

Best wishes, Clive

Question about paragraph/sentence style and structure.

Anonymous — Wed, 08 Mar 2006 00:34:10 GMT

Dear readers:

I was texting my friend a message yesterday and it came out like:

A lady at a bookstore hung up on me five times today. So I drove all the way to talk with her. It turns out they had been scammed by someone using relay months ago. So I taught her what to do when getting a strange relay call. Explained differences between IP-relay, state relay etc. Because she's the manager, she notified all bookstores in the region to be conscious of deaf people using relay. This will help deaf here a lot with relay calls to Waldenbooks or Borders bookstores.

For some reason I feel like the sentences start/end abruptly, resulting in a bumpy read. I noticed a reduntant usage of "So" in "So I drove" and "So I taught". Furthermore, something feels erronous about the transition. Example: "Because she's the manager" is usually grammatically unacceptable in English courses because of the word "Because" at the beginning of the sentence.

What can I do with my paragraph/sentence style and structure to make it more condensed and flow more efficiently?