ESL General English Grammar Questions

Re: urgent need helping to edit my application letter for secondary one

catcat612000 — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 02:14:48 GMT

thanks a lot

rgds/cat (carol)

Re: urgent need helping to edit my application letter for secondary one

New2grammar — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 04:22:27 GMT

I don't feel comfortable writing an essay or a letter for someone else. In fact, I don't even feel comfortable writing my own As much as I would like to help, I really can't. I'm sorry. Maybe a native speaker will.

Wish you all the best.

Re: urgent need helping to edit my application letter for secondary one

catcat612000 — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 04:15:51 GMT

hi, new2grammar,
thank you very much for your help. i request to put my daughter on the waiting list for vacancy . i think the principal may want to have an interview with her first so that i say grant an interview, Could you be kind enough re-write the letter for me ? Awaiting for your reply.

rgds/ cat

Re: urgent need helping to edit my application letter for secondary one

New2grammar — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 02:10:24 GMT

Hello, Catcat. I would like to help but I'm just a learner. Here's the deal. Let me give it a try and then, we wait for a native speaker. What do you think?

OK...There are a few things I don't feel comfortable with. I could be darn wrong.

catcat612000

The principleS ~~and ideal~~ of teaching in your school have so deeply impressed me that I would like to apply for admission of secondary one for my daughter to your school in the coming academic year.

(Perhaps, " I would like to apply for admission to secondary one of your school for the coming academic year on behalf of my daughter")

Her name is ***, she graduated primary six in from *** school . Her English foundation is good (Perhaps, She has a strong foundation in English ) so she is suitable to accept English as media for teaching (Perhaps, so learning through English medium is almost second nature to her) and her personality is active and creative so that she can be taught by flexible methods used in your school (Not so natural. I can't think of a good sentence now) . I believe it will help her future development under the excellent cultivation of your school (which is so important)

I hope she can be granted an interview and (eventually )admitted ~~as a student in you~~ to your school. ~~Enclosed~~ please find her enclosed transcripts ~~from~~ for P.5 to and P.6 ~~along with~~ and other ~~necessary~~ required documents. Any further information will be supplied if required. (Perhaps, additional information/documents is/are available upon request)

I understand it is may be too late to apply ~~that~~ since your (or the) enrolment quota ~~were fully occupied already~~has been filled , but I hope she can be filled in ~~the~~ any vacancy (at anytime if available) (perhaps, "should it become available").

Thanking for your attention and awaiting for your reply (I look forward to hearing from you).

Cat, you might want to make your request clearer. Do you want an interview or the principal to put her on the waiting list for any vacancy? Having both in the letter, in my opinion, is inconsistent, thus it's rather confusing.

urgent need helping to edit my application letter for secondary one

catcat612000 — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 01:08:52 GMT

Hi, everybody,

i'm a mother of a P.6 student who will be promoted to secondary one to a school which is not of my will, so i decided to apply another school for her. As mother, i do hope my daughter can receive better education it is very important for her future, i will greatly appreciate if anyone kind enough to edit my application letter .

the following is my draft :

Date:

To: The principal

address

Dear Principal,

The principle and ideal of teaching in your school have so deeply impressed me that I would like to apply for admission of secondary one for my daughter to your school in the coming academic year.

Her name is ***, she graduated primary six in *** school . Her English foundation is good so she is suitable to accept English as media for teaching and her personality is active and creative so that she can be taught by flexible methods used in your school. I believe it will help her future development under the excellent cultivation of your school which is so important.

I hope she can be granted an interview and admitted as a student in you school. Enclosed please find her transcripts from P.5 to P.6 along with other necessary documents. Any further information will be supplied if required.

I understand it is too late to apply that your enrolment quota were fully occupied already , but I hope she can be filled in the vacancy at anytime if available.

Thanking for your attention and awaiting for your reply.

Yours sincerely,

catcat
(Mother of ***)