ESL, Formal, General & Business Letter Writing (English language)

Re: Could someone also review my motivation letter, please? (its urgent...)

Lil' Ruby Rose — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 18:11:09 GMT

Some suggestions included below - very best of luck with your application.

Dear Sir or Madam, ( Is - most distinguished Ladys and Gentlemen or To Whom it May Concern... - better? No! But if you have a name, use the personâs name)

I am writing to apply as an exchange student for the Sculpture Program at the National Academy of Arts for the winter semester 2007/08. I am an Austrian student attending my fourth semester of fine Arts, majoring in âSculpture â Transmedial Spaceâ studies at the University of Arts and Industrial Design in Linz, Austria.

I know that the experience of studying abroad will help me to develop myself and to improve my knowledge. It has been my ambition to study at the National Academy for the [or of ] Arts in Sophia since I first saw your website four months ago. The university program in Sofia is structured differently from my university's, and that is one reason for my decision and my interest in applying to your academy. For example, we do not have the opportunity to work with materials like stone or bronze, and we do not have such a clear focus on the natural world as the starting point for studies. nor are our studies are based on the study of nature [this clause reads a little strangely - what do you mean here? Life drawing?](I do not know how do describe it in English â I do not mean Life drawing- I mean we do not have nature as example, ideal or model for our works- we are not working in the tradition of naturalism â I do not find the word I am searching for and it is not in my dictionary âis it imaginable to explain what I mean? Is that something like it?). The stone sculptures from my portfolio are up to five years old. They are results of a six day workshop which is run once a year in a Roman sandstone pit in St. Margarethen im Burgenland, Austria. From the very first time I worked with stone I have been fascinated by this material. The possibility of learning more in this area is another important reason for my application. Our courses in Sculpture - Transmedial Space programme focus on experimental work in relation to space and situation-specific work. Through this education I want to develop my awareness and appreciation of the subtle details eye for fine variances [wrong word? Not sure what you mean here] ( another word for minor differences) in my surroundings; to see how tiny variations affect their environment; and from there develop my own projects. which [consider the social life to find a differential few and to learn to develop own projects] - Sorry, I can't work out what you mean here. Is there another way to say it?(minor differences pertaining the social life by means to find a differential view onto situations- to learn to develop own projects of(from) this situation. Is it possible to say it in this way: Through this education I want to develop my eye for fine variances in my surroundings to find a differential view onto situations of the social life, to seek after new ideas to realize own projects.? Is that something more like you mean?) This is also a reason for me to search for an opportunity to study sculpture in a traditional form. I want to experience an alternative approach to sculpture studies to broaden my outlook and explore how traditional and modern forms of sculpture can complement one another.

I was struck (fascinating -I always thought struck has got a negative association â no, can be positive too) by the description of the sculpture program at your university: based on traditional foundations, but open to new ideas. I think this also reflects Bulgaria as a country, in the political decision to become a member of the European Union. I am fascinated by the changes the country has made and I think it is open to new ideas. To me, it feels like there is a great forward movement to develop in new directions, [wrong word?] (should I write objectives?) and it is an exciting prospect to be in Bulgaria at this time of change. that makes [it] [what do you mean - Bulgaria, or being in Bulgaria at this time of change?] (both but for me it is more important to be there at the time of change) attractive. My ideas are very different, as are my projects. I often change my materials to find the right one for each idea. This multi-dimensional approach is also shown by my portfolio which I have put together to provide an insight into my creative process. I would be thrilled if you gave me the opportunity to learn from the skills of your Professors, as well as the chance to get to know and understand a little about the Bulgarian people and culture. for an [interchange] [wrong word] (exchange of ideas?) with Bulgarian people.

(I am impressed by the descriptions of your program, and as I am particularly interested in fine arts, I found the following highly interesting: [it doesn't seem quite right to be quoting their own prospectus back at them - is this sentence necessary?] I am particularly intersted in fine arts, and would like to take the courses in sculpture, composition, drawing, history of art, working in material, aspects of modern sculpture, photography, aesthetics and foreign languages, tp develop my understanding of the theory and history of art, and to enable me to apply it more effectively to my own work. because they will enrich my knowledge and help me apply it at a higher standard. It would be a great pleasure for me to study in Bulgaria, not least because of the course variety. I am eager to learn about such a distant culture different from my own and I will make the most of the time I spend there.

I hope you will consider my application and can regard me as a well motivated candidate to this program.

Re: Could someone also review my motivation letter, please? (its urgent...)

Rova — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 10:26:07 GMT

dear lilÂ´ruby rose,

the dead line approaches tomorrow at 12:00 oÂ´clock. It would be very nice if you can do a last review on my letter that evening! So I would take the chance to start my last correction tomorrow morning...

thank you!

Re: Could someone also review my motivation letter, please? (its urgent...)

Lil' Ruby Rose — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 08:30:21 GMT

Hi Rova,

I'd be happy to look over your letter again, but I won't have time to do it justice until this evening. Will that be too late?

LRR

Re: Could someone also review my motivation letter, please? (its urgent...)

Rova — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 23:44:53 GMT

dear lilÂ´ruby rose,

thank you for your reply and the correction of my letter of motivation! I have tried to write clear but I am not certain if it works. I have got my doubts about it... So I may ask you for another review to make sure whats behind all this. (or forgotten)

It would be very nice if you can overview it oncemore! thanks a lot! I am so glad you have written me!

Dear Sir or Madam, ( Is - most distinguished Ladys and Gentlemen or To Whom it May Concern... - better?)

I am writing to apply as an exchange student for the Sculpture Program at the National Academy of Arts for the winter semester 2007/08. I am an Austrian student attending my fourth semester of fine Arts majoring in âSculpture â Transmedial Spaceâ studies at the University of Arts and industrial Design in Linz, Austria.

I am convinced that the experience of studying abroad will be very helpful for me to further develop myself and to improve my knowledge. It has been my ambition to study at the National Academy for Arts in Sophia since I first saw your website four months ago. The university program in Sofia seems to be structured differently from my university's, and that is one reason for my decision and my interest in applying to your academy. For example, we do not have the opportunity to work with materials like stone or bronze, nor are our studies are based on the study of nature [this clause reads a little strangely - what do you mean here? Life drawing?](I do not know how do describe it in English â I do not mean Life drawing- I mean we do not have nature as example, ideal or model for our works- we are not working in the tradition of naturalism â I do not find the word I am searching for and it is not in my dictionary âis it imaginable to explain what I mean?). The stone sculptures from my portfolio are up to five years old. They are results of a six day workshop which is run once a year in a Roman sandstone pit in St. Margarethen im Burgenland, Austria. From the very first time I worked with stone I have been fascinated by this material. The possibility of learning more in this area is another important reason for my application. Our education in Sculpture - Transmedial Space programme focuses on experimental work in relation to space and situation-specific work. Through this education I want to develop my eye for fine variances [wrong word? Not sure what you mean here] ( another word for minor differences) in my surroundings which [consider the social life to find a differential few and to learn to develop own projects] - Sorry, I can't work out what you mean here. Is there another way to say it?(minor differences pertaining the social life by means to find a differential view onto situations- to learn to develop own projects of(from) this situation. Is it possible to say it in this way: Through this education I want to develop my eye for fine variances in my surroundings to find a differential view onto situations of the social life, to seek after new ideas to realize own projects.? ) This is also a reason for me to search for an opportunity to study sculpture in a traditional form. I want to experience another kind of sculpture studies to broaden my outlook and explore how traditional and modern forms of sculpture can complement one another.

I was struck (fascinating -I always thought struck has got a negative association) by the description of the sculpture program at your university: based on traditional foundations, but open to new ideas. I think this also reflects Bulgaria as a country, in the political decision to become a member of the European Union. I am fascinated by the changes the country has made and I think it is open to new ideas. To me, it seems there is a great forward movement to develop new aims [wrong word?] (should I write objectives?) and that makes [it] [what do you mean - Bulgaria, or being in Bulgaria at this time of change?] (both but for me it is more important to be there at the time of change) attractive. My ideas are very different, as are my projects. I often change my materials to find the right one for each idea. This multi-dimensional approach is also shown by my portfolio which I have put together to provide an insight into my creative process. I would be thrilled if you gave me the opportunity to learn from the skills of your Professors as well as the chance for an [interchange] [wrong word] (exchange of ideas?) with Bulgarian people.

(I am impressed by the descriptions of your program, and as I am particularly interested in fine arts, I found the following highly interesting: [it doesn't seem quite right to be quoting their own prospectus back at them - is this sentence necessary?] I would like to take these courses sculpture, composition, drawing, history of art, working in material, aspects of modern sculpture, photography, aesthetics and foreign languagesâ because they will enrich my knowledge and help me apply it at a higher standard. It would be a great pleasure for me to study in Bulgaria, not least because of the course variety. I am eager to learn about such a distant culture and make the most of the time I will spend there.

I hope you will consider my application and can regard me as a well motivated candidate to this program.

Re: Could someone also review my motivation letter, please? (its urgent...)

Lil' Ruby Rose — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 15:24:04 GMT

[Through the description of the sculpture program of your university I found out that the program bases on the knowledge of traditional art and opens itself for new ideas] I was struck by the description of the sculpture program at your university: based on traditional foundations, but open to new ideas. I think this [is also reflected by the country Bulgaria through the] also reflects Bulgaria as a country, in the political decision to become a member of the European Union. I am fascinated by the [alteration] changes the country has made and I think it is open [for] to new ideas. [For me it is in] To me, it seems there is a great forward movement to develop new aims [wrong word?] and that makes [it] [what do you mean - Bulgaria, or being in Bulgaria at this time of change?] attractive. My ideas are very different, ~~likewise~~ as are my projects. ~~Therefore~~ I often change my materials to find ~~out~~ the right one for each idea. [This multifarious aspects are] This multi-dimensional approach is also shown by my portfolio which I have [composed] put together to provide an insight into my [doing] [work? craft? working methods? creative process?]. I [should be glad] would be thrilled if you gave me the opportunity to learn from the skills of your Professors as well as the chance for an [interchange] [wrong word] with Bulgarian people.

[I am enthused about] I am impressed by the descriptions of your program, and [since I am attracted from the topic of] as I am particularly interested in fine arts, I ~~have~~ found the following highly interesting: âsculpture, composition, drawing, history of art, working in material, aspects of modern sculpture, photography, aesthetics and foreign languages.â [it doesn't seem quite right to be quoting their own prospectus back at them - is this sentence necessary?] I would like to [visit] take / study these courses [no comma] because they will enrich my knowledge and help~~ing~~ me [put it to] apply it at a higher standard. It would be a great pleasure for me to study in Bulgaria, not [only] least because of the course variety. I am eager to [meet] learn about such a distant culture and [take the best] make the most of the time I will spend there.

I hope you will consider my application and can regard me as a well motivated candidate to this program.

Yours faithfully,

Re: Could someone also review my motivation letter, please? (its urgent...)

Lil' Ruby Rose — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 15:04:27 GMT

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply as an exchange student for the Sculpture Program at the National Academy of Arts for the winter semester 2007/08. I am an Austrian student attending my fourth semester of fine Arts [with the specialization on]specializing in / majoring in âSculpture â Transmedial Spaceâ studies at the University of Arts and industrial Design in ***, Austria.

I am convinced that the experience of studying abroad will be very helpful for me to further develop myself and to improve my knowledge. It [is] has been my [favourite wish] ambition to study at the National Academy for Arts in Sophia since I [perused your whole homepage] first saw your website *** years/months ago. The university program in Sofia seems to be [built much differential compared to] structured differently from [our] my university's, and that~~âs~~ is one reason for my decision and my interest [to apply] in applying to your academy. For example, ~~unfortunately~~ we do not have the [possibility] opportunity to work with materials like stone or bronze, nor are our studies are based on the study of nature [this clause reads a little strangely - what do you mean here? Life drawing?]. The stone sculptures from my portfolio are up to five years old. They are the results [from] of a six days workshop which [took place only] is run once a year in a Roman sandstone pit in St. Margarethen im Burgenland, Austria. From the very first time I ~~ever~~ worked with stone I have been fascinated by ~~the work with~~ this material. The possibility [to learn] of learning more in this [domain] area is another important [point] reason for my application. Our education in Sculpture - Transmedial Space programme focuses on experimental work in relation to space and situation-specific work. Through this education I want to [practice] develop my eye for fine variances [wrong word? Not sure what you mean here] in my surroundings which [consider the social life to find a differential few and to learn to develop own projects] - Sorry, I can't work out what you mean here. Is there another way to say it? This is also a reason for me to search for an opportunity to study sculpture in a traditional form. I want to experience another kind of sculpture studies ~~to take the chance~~ to broaden my [mind ]outlook and [to complement one another by means of the traditional and the modern forms of sculpture] explore how traditional and modern forms of sculpture can complement one another.

(remainder to follow...)

Could someone also review my motivation letter, please? (its urgent...)

Rova — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 14:26:46 GMT

Hello everybody!

I am glad I found this forum it already helps me a lot!
I tried to write a letter of motivation for the first time and that is what I have at the moment. It would be very nice if you can correct my letter because the dead line is approaching and any help would be of extreme use for me!

Thanks to all that post replies for your interest and your motivation to review this letter!!

my city, 24th March 2007

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply as an exchange student for the Sculpture Program at the National Academy of Arts for the winter semester 2007/08. I am an Austrian student attending my fourth semester of fine Arts with the specialization on âSculpture â Transmedial Spaceâ studies at the University of Arts and industrial Design in ***, Austria.

I am convinced that the experience of studying abroad will be very helpful for me to further develop myself and to improve my knowledge. It is my favourite wish to study at the National Academy for Arts in Sophia since I perused your whole homepage. The university program in Sofia seems to be built much differential compared to our university thatâs one reason for my decision and my interest to apply to your academy. For example unfortunately we do not have the possibility to work with materials like stone or bronze nor our studies are based on study of nature. The stone sculptures from my portfolio are up to five years old. They are results from a six days workshop which took place only once a year in a roman sandstone pit in St. Margarethen im Burgenland, Austria. From the first time I ever worked with stone I have been fascinated by the work with this material. The possibility to learn more in this domain is another important point for my application. Our education in Sculpture - Transmedial Space programme focuses on experimental work in relation to space and situation-specific work. Through this education I want to practice my eye for fine variances in my surrounding which consider the social life to find a differential few and to learn to develop own projects. This is also a reason for me to search for an opportunity to study sculpture in a traditional form. I want to experience another kind of sculpture studies to take the chance to broaden my mind and to complement one another by means of the traditional and the modern forms of sculpture.

Through the description of the sculpture program of your university I found out that the program bases on the knowledge of traditional art and opens itself for new ideas. I think this is also reflected by the country Bulgaria through the political decision to become a member of the European Union. I am fascinated by the alteration the country has made and I think it is open for new ideas. For me it is in a great movement to develop new aims and that makes it attractive. My ideas are very different likewise are my projects. Therefore I often change my material to find out the right one for each idea. This multifarious aspects are also shown by my portfolio which I have composed to provide an insight into my doing. I should be glad if you give me an opportunity to learn from the skills of your Professors as well as the chance for an interchange with Bulgarian people.

I am enthused about the descriptions of your program and since I am attracted from the topic of fine arts, I have found the following highly interesting: âsculpture, composition, drawing, history of art, working in material, aspects of modern sculpture, photography, aesthetics and foreign languages.â. I would like to visit these courses, because they will enrich my knowledge and helping me put it to a higher standard. It would be a great pleasure for me to study in Bulgaria, not only because of the course variety. I am eager to meet such a distant culture and take the best of the time I will spend there.

I hope you consider my application and can regard me as a well motivated candidate to this program.

Yours faithfully,