ESL, Formal, General & Business Letter Writing (English language)

Re: Personnal statement (motivation letter)

Shaves — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 15:21:52 GMT

First of all, your ending is a bit abrupt.

I would add something like: I look forward to studying at Otheruniv. or something like that. I would also add some more reasons why you chose that specific university (and not a different one).

Also, try to connect DBMS and AI to the university you want to go to. Why are those subjects important for that university?

Greets, Stefan

PS: I got a motivation letter too, feel free to take a glance at it :-P

Re: Personnal statement (motivation letter)

myth0s — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:50:48 GMT

Hi!

I have asked some of my friends (and some of my friends' friends) and I now have a new version of my letter. I would really appreciate if you could review it.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am currently studying at CurrentUnic towards a Bachelorâs Degree in Software Engineering. I am in the process of completing my second year but would like to do my third year at OtherUniv.

My main interests are in Database Management Systems (DBMS) as well as Artificial Intelligence (AI). I acquired good experience in DBMS during my two internships and my interest in AI comes from a course I took last semester in which we overviewed evolutionary computation.

In addition to taking courses at OtherUniv, I also look forward to the opportunity to meet new people from various cultures and backgrounds. Over and above personal gains in culture and language, as a future engineer in a global environment, I think it essential to be exposed to multiple points of view. I have chosen OtherUniv because I am convinced that it will contribute to an expanded and flexible creativity.

In French there is a saying âLes voyages forment la jeunesseâ, which translates to âTravel trains young peopleâ. Studying abroad will allow me to develop skills that I would never learn in a classroom. I will face a myriad of challenges and situations that will be unfamiliar to me but to which I will need to react and adapt to. Some people may find this scary but I think it is exciting and an ideal occasion to grow.

Yours Faithfully,

And one more question, if can I write "UBC" instead of University of B... C... or is it too "informal" ??

Thanks a lot :)

Personnal statement (motivation letter)

myth0s — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 04:27:26 GMT

Hello!

I found this forum while searching for help with the personnal statement I need to send with my application in order to study abroad.

Here the letter I have now :

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am studying Bachelors Degree of Software Engineering at CurrentUniv. I am completing my second year and would like to study abroad at OtherUniv during my third year.

I have strong interest for database management systems as well as artificial intelligence. Indeed, throughout my two internships I acquired good experience with DBMS. As for my interest in artificial intelligence, it comes from a course I took last semester in which we overviewed evolutionary computation.

In addition of taking courses at OtherUniv, I look forward to the opportunity of meeting new people from various cultures. As a future engineer, itâs beneficial for me to be exposed to various points of view that will contribute to my creativity and flexibility, besides the cultural and language gains.

In French, thereâs a proverb that means âTravels train young peopleâ. Studying abroad will allow me to develop skills I would never learn in a classroom. I will face a myriad of challenges that I will have to conquer. I expect to encounter situations that will be wholly unfamiliar to me and to which I will need to react and adapt. Some may find this scary; I think itâs exciting and an ideal occasion to grow.

Yours Faithfully,

Thank you a lot for your input!! :)