ESL, Formal, General & Business Letter Writing (English language)

Re: My Personal Statement for Scholarship for Masters - Please Comment

Mister Micawber — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 06:25:41 GMT

I have underlined some problems. It is also a bit wordy, and I have struck out phrases which should be eliminated (you will probably have to revise the sentences to accommodate these omissions):

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing this personal statement because of the need of external funding in order to improve my intellectual capacity by mastering on European Studies and create higher utility for Turkish Cypriot society by making new linkages, learning new languages and being aware of other cultures, which is currently very important to Turkish Cypriots on the stage of significant turning point.

~~I am Mertkan Hamit.~~ I will be graduated from Marmara University, Istanbul, Department of Economics at the end of 2007 â 2008 study year. After my graduation my target is making my master degree on the area of European Studies. The main reason, ~~making my master degree on European Studies,~~ among the many problems and conflicts in Cyprus ~~island~~, it emphatically remain as a European Union Member-State ~~country~~ either Cyprus problem solved or not . ~~There is a fact that,~~ Cyprus ~~island~~'s two zones' are inequal in terms of economics or welfare. ~~As a young person who is being aware of this fact~~, the main need of ~~the~~ Turkish Cypriot society is professions who knows Europe very well, and have academical point of view for European ~~states'~~ economics, politics and culture. From my point of view, all those that I have implemented, can not be learned just from ~~the~~ academic works, nevertheless living and sharing the same atmosphere is substantial .

~~Having studied for~~ four years, in Istanbul have brought me great range of benefits. Living in a metropolitan like Istanbul, helped to broaden my vision ~~in wider perspective~~. During my bachelor studies I became a member of Cyprus Youth Platform, which is a student association for Turkish Cypriot students who are studying abroad in countries such as Turkey, England, Germany, USA, Canada, France, Ukraine and the Netherlands. Currently I am the Secretary General of the organization and have participated in many conferences and workshops about Europe and the Euro-Mediterranean region in various countries. Personally I am or under the name of Cyprus Youth Platform many projects constituted that funded by United Nations Development Program (UNDP) and the European Union. The primary goal of these projects is the re-unification of Cyprus which we hope to achieve by focusing on ~~re-~~rapprochement between the Turkish-Cypriot and Greek-Cypriot communities. We aim to bring Turkish Cypriots closer to Europe and help all Cypriots to build a culture of peace on the island. Also with our projects we aimed to improve youth's direct relations with Europe, by visiting European Union states, increasing awareness and improve the socialization of youth.

As well as these macro-level goals, Cyprus Youth Platform also aims to develop solutions to problems facing young Cypriots. We print a monthly magazine, that I am in editorial board, called "Cypriot Youth", which educates and raises awareness around issues such as drug addiction and sexual discrimination and so on.

We have also formed a working group to improve studentâs rights and employment prospects in North Cyprus. The working group involves many participants including the office of the President, the Ministry of Education, state planning boards and universities in North Cyprus. It aims to develop ~~long-run~~ sustainable education policies through targeted hands-on solutions.

The main reason why I am applying for such a scholarship is I am planning to make master in Netherlands which is one of the former-state of European Union, on the topic of European Studies. In this one-year study period, the university ~~that I have applied to make my masters~~ is located in city of Maastricht that denominated European Union's economic criteria. ~~Being~~ aware of ~~this fact, out of~~ Maastricht University's high academic reputation, I believe that it help me to analyse Europe better. Spreading the ideas that I will learn or the linkages that I will make while studying abroad would benefit Cyprus and all Cypriots in many ways. ~~On the other hand~~ I know that there are ~~considerably high number of~~ many youths from Turkish Cypriot society and Greek Cypriot society studying in The Netherlands, which will give me another advantage. I believe in a country like Netherlands, all attempts on improving bi-communal relations and relations with other countries, will form new ideas that increase ~~the~~ tolerance in understanding that will give Cypriots and whole Europeans extra value added.

~~It is a fact that,~~ on the Northern Side of the island, there is a high need for professionals which have master on European studies and related areas. ~~The scholarship that I get in order to make~~ my master on European Studies, will fill ~~the~~ one of the urgent need of Turkish Cypriot society. ~~That means,~~ having this education give me high chance in employment when I return back to Cyprus after my studies over. Moreover it is my goal that being the person who serves ~~for~~ Cypriots in order to minimize ~~the~~ problems occur on integration process to European union in political, cultural or economical points. Out of benefiting only Cyprus, incorporating growing European Unions' problems and producing solutions from Cyprus, will both give practical and intellectual benefits to whole Europe. This will lead all Europe to gain surplus value from the scholarship ~~that I will get in order to make my master on European Studies~~.

Finally, the scholarship ~~that is~~ for Turkish Cypriots who are somehow victims because of political reason on European Union state Cyprus, make Turkish Cypriots to widen their visions and perspectives by visiting new countries, facing with new cultures and having new relations with new people. To sum up, I think this scholarship is an excellent opportunity for my career and ~~the scholarship~~ seems like the perfect opportunity for me to facing with other cultures, meeting with new people, learn other languages and experience the European education system.

Please find enclosed my curriculum vitae, academic records and my references. Please contact me if you require any further details or documents. I hope to hear from you in the near future.

Best Regards

Mertkan Hamit

My Personal Statement for Scholarship for Masters - Please Comment

Anonymous — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 14:49:18 GMT

Dear Sir / Madam

I am Mertkan Hamit. I will be graduated from Marmara University, Istanbul, Department of Economics at the end of 2007 â 2008 study year. After my graduation my target is making my master degree on the area of European Studies. The main reason, making my master degree on European Studies, among the many problems and conflicts in Cyprus island, it emphatically remain as a European Union Member-State country either Cyprus problem solved or not . There is a fact that, Cyprus island's two zones' are inequal in terms of economics or welfare. As a young person who is being aware of this fact, the main need of the Turkish Cypriot society is professions who knows Europe very well, and have academical point of view for European states' economics, politics and culture. From my point of view, all those that I have implemented, can not be learned just from the academic works, nevertheless living and sharing the same atmosphere is substantial .

Having studied for four years, in Istanbul have brought me great range of benefits. Living in a metropolitan like Istanbul, helped to improve my vision in wider perspective. During my bachelor studies I became a member of Cyprus Youth Platform, which is a student association for Turkish Cypriot students who are studying abroad in countries such as Turkey, England, Germany, USA, Canada, France, Ukraine and the Netherlands. Currently I am the Secretary General of the organization and have participated in many conferences and workshops about Europe and the Euro-Mediterranean region in various countries. Personally I am or under the name of Cyprus Youth Platform many projects constituted that funded by United Nations Development Program (UNDP) and the European Union. The primary goal of these projects is the re-unification of Cyprus which we hope to achieve by focusing on re-rapprochement between the Turkish-Cypriot and Greek-Cypriot communities. We aim to bring Turkish Cypriots closer to Europe and help all Cypriots to build a culture of peace on the island. Also with our projects we aimed to improve youth's direct relations with Europe, by visiting European Union states, increasing awareness and improve the socialization of youth.

As well as these macro level goals, Cyprus Youth Platform also aims to develop solutions to problems facing young Cypriots. We print a monthly magazine, that I am in editorial board, called "Cypriot Youth", which educates and raises awareness around issues such as drug addiction and sexual discrimination and so on.

We have also formed a working group to improve studentâs rights and employment prospects in North Cyprus. The working group involves many participants including the office of the President, the Ministry of Education, state planning boards and universities in North Cyprus. It aims to develop long-run sustainable education policies through targeted hands on solutions.

The main reason why I am applying for such a scholarship is I am planning to make master in Netherlands which is one of the former-state of European Union, on the topic of European Studies. In this one year study period, the university that I have applied to make my masters located in city of Maastricht that denominated European Union's economic criteria. Being aware of this fact, out of Maastricht University's high academic reputation, I believe that it help me to analyse Europe better. Spreading the ideas that I will learn or the linkages that I will make while studying abroad would benefit Cyprus and all Cypriots in many ways. On the other hand I know that there are considerably high number of youths from Turkish Cypriot society and Greek Cypriot society studying in Netherlands, which will give me another advantage. I believe in a country like Netherlands, all attempts on improving bi-communal relations and relations with other countries, will form new ideas that increase the tolerance in understanding that will give Cypriots and whole Europeans extra value added.

It is a fact that, on the Northern Side of the island, there is a high need for professionals which have master on European studies and related areas. The scholarship that I get in order to make my master on European Studies, will fill the one of the urgent need of Turkish Cypriot society. That means, having this education give me high chance in employment when I return back to Cyprus after my studies over. Moreover it is my goal that being the person who serves for Cypriots in order to minimize the problems occur on integration process to European union in political, cultural or economical points. Out of benefiting only Cyprus, incorporating growing European Unions' problems and producing solutions from Cyprus, will both give practical and intellectual benefits to whole Europe. This will lead all Europe to gain surplus value from the scholarship that I will get in order to make my master on European Studies.

Finally, the scholarship that is for Turkish Cypriots who are somehow victims because of political reason on European Union state Cyprus, make Turkish Cypriots to widen their visions and perspectives by visiting new countries, facing with new cultures and having new relations with new people. To sum up, I think this scholarship is an excellent opportunity for my career and the scholarship seems like the perfect opportunity for me to facing with other cultures, meeting with new people, learn other languages and experience the European education system.

Please find enclosed my curriculum vitae, academic records and my references. Please contact me if you require any further details or documents. I hope to hear from you in the near future.

Best Regards

Mertkan Hamit