ESL, Formal, General & Business Letter Writing (English language)

Re: plzz...help me! can anybody check ma motivation letter..???

Anonymous — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:34:20 GMT

Kamran, your letter is a very complex one and you have a rich language. Congratulations! I find that the thing that casts a small shadow over it is somehow the lack of order and the lenght of the phrases. I'm sure my correcting won't make it perfect, but here's a suggestion:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I appreciate the opportunity that I have to provide further background information in order to support my application to the International Business Program at the University of Maastricht for the 2008 Autumn term.

First of all, I would like to give some information about myself. My name is ......I was born in Baku, the capital city of Azerbaijan, on the 26^th of September 1989. My nationality is Azerbaijani. My parents are both teachers ( the subjects they are teaching and maybe the institutions) , therefore they are seriously concerned with my education. Education is my concern too and during all my school years I have worked hard in order to give a good use to my parents' heritage and to put a good base for a successful career. I think the landmark of my education was my entrance in one of the most well known schools in Azerbaijan, "Dede Gorgud" Private Turkish High School, after I graduated my 6^th grade at the state secondary school. My future career has been a main preoccupation for me since the begining of high school. In the 8^th grade, I started to prepare myself to join the National Mathematics Olympic Team. Eventually, in the 9^th grade my goal was achieved. In May 2005, I participated in Almaty (Kazakhstan) to the International Mathematic Project Competition â 2005. My project received the first place and I got a golden medal.

Languages are bridges between the nations and knowing as many languages as one can is an important factor in understanding the world in which we live and in developing a successful career. I speak fluently my mother tongue and I know English, Russian, Turkish and German. The fact that I have raised in a bilingual city and in a multicultural environment has presented me great chances to enlarge my cultural knowledge and my language abilities. In high school, item like Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Computer Science have been thought in English. Russian is the second language in my country, so it wasn't too difficult to learn. Turkish language is also widespread in our environment and it is close to my mother tongue. But I found German language a challenge, so I attended to a language course organized by the German Embassy in Baku. Here I was able to establish my basic German knowlege and now, in the university, German is my second foreign language.

I also consider that the equilibrium in life is given by combining mind acnity with a healthy and a strong body, so sports play an important role in my life. I am very interested in football (Kamran, is this soccer or football?) and in table tennis. In 2006, there was a football championship among private high schools and I received along with my schoolmates the gold medal. I consider this gold medal an award for what the team spirit can achieve. After I graduated the 9th grade, I faced the challenge to chose the most appropriate University for me. I found that the International Economic Relations Faculty of Azerbaijan State Economics University was suiting my desire to interact with other people and cultures and my administrative skills that I had developed by organizing different social activities in school. Consequently, I applied to this university and I had an entrance examination exam that included Mathematics, Geography, Mother Tongue, English language and the History of Azerbaijan. I received 668.75 out of 700 points and now I benefit from the presidential scholarship because of my high points.

We learn as long as we live and we must put no boundaries to our knowledge. Having this in mind, I decided to continue my education in a respected European university such as the University of Maastricht. My decision has been influenced by several factors: the growing interest in what I have been learning in the university, International Economic Relations, my father's advice and lectures at Azerbaijan State Economic University and the captivating way that the economy develops in this era of globaization. I am aware of the fact that education at such a distance away from home is an increased responsibility that can contribute to a more mature way of thinking, behaving and viewing in this complex world. I am sure that your program can provide me the experience of discovering new ways of growing and giving. I am convinced that the University of Maastricht would be an excellent start for a business career.

I thank you for considering my application and I am looking forward to receiving your decision.

Yours faithfully,

Kamran Huseynzade

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plzz...help me! can anybody check ma motivation letter..???

dead_emo — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 09:18:06 GMT

Letter of MotivationKamran Huseynzade Dear Sir or Madam, I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application for entrance to the International Business program at the University of Maastricht for the 2008 autumn term. First of all, I would like to give a little information about myself. I was born in Baku - the capital city of Azerbaijan on the 26^th of September 1989. The nationality of me is Azerbaijani. My parents are interested in study (they are both teachers), therefore they give great importance to my education. After my 6^th grade at the state secondary school, I passed the entrance exam of one of the most well-known high schools in my country. Since then, I continued my education studying at Baku âDede Gorgudâ Private Turkish High School. My future profession was very significant for me, so I began to think about my career when I was in earlier grades. For a good career, I know that English is important. Attending to such high school presented me an opportunity to improve my English. At the high school technical subjects, like mathematics, physics, chemistry, and biology, plus, computer science were taught in English. While I was studying at high school I determined some points to reach, so at the 8^th grade, I started to prepare getting a place in the national mathematics olympiad team. Eventually, at the 9^th grade I was accepted to the team. In May 2005, I was in Almaty (Kazakhstan) to participate in the International Mathematic Project Competition â 2005. It was successful for me, as my project took first place and I got a golden medal. I was not successful only at studies, but also sport is my lifeâs great part. Iâm very interested in football and good at playing table tennis. In 2006, there was a football championship among private high schools and we were awarded gold medals. Itâs obvious that the more languages you know, the more successful you are. Besides, fluently speaking in my mother tongue, I know English, Russian, Turkish, and German. Being raised in a bilingual city and in a multicultural environment presented me great chances to enlarge my cultural knowledge and of course, my language ability, too. Russian is considered as a second language in my country, so learning Russian was not hard for me. Almost, most of people know Russian in my country. Turkish is also widespread in our environment and itâs much near to my mother tongue. But German was not easy to learn, as I attended to language course of German Embassy in Baku. During courses I established my basic German knowledge. Now at the university I get German classes as my second foreign language. After 9^th, it was time to think about the university I want to study. I was searching something appropriate for me, for my character. During school years, I was communicable and my organizing skill helped me to go forward in most areas. Due to being an organizer of social activities at school, I realized that the best field for my future career is something related to administration. When I graduated from school, I got 668.75 points out of 700 points in the university entrance exam and gained a place in the International Economic Relations faculty of Azerbaijan State Economics University. The exam included Mathematics, Geography, Mother tongue, English, and History of Azerbaijan. Because of getting high point in the exam I get presidential scholarship. This success convinced me getting higher points and serving for my country. But I never wanted to stop on what I achieved, so I was making a plan to endure my education in a respected European university such as University of Maastricht. I was wondering what sector to choose for studying abroad. I have already known that it must be something related to my present faculty (International Economic Relations). Also it must be the sector that I can express myself best and use my all skills. Interest in international economic life and economic news also affected my decision. In addition, my father gives lectures at Azerbaijan State Economic University, so getting some advice from him and listening his lectures, finally, I decided to study International Business at your university, because I found it more suitable for me and for my demands. In conclusion, I would like to state that I like to undertake obligations and work with team spirit. I desire to get new experiences and in my thought, this program is the best way to gain all of it and to discover new ideas. Its international concept enlarges opportunities to interact with different students from various countries on definite subjects, and it is the exact thing Iâve been looking for. I am positive that the University of Maastricht would be an excellent start for a voluntary business career. I thank you for considering my application and I look forward to your response. Sincerely yours,Kamran Huseynzade,

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