Re: hey can you please review my letter of motivation

Goodman — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:29:53 GMT

Hi Anon,

I kind of waited to see if your letter had enough appeal to draw some interest before I give my two cents. I think in general, your letter is easily understood. However, I find it a bit wordy and the tone was rather stiff. I didnât want to go through the whole letter but I did mark up your first paragraph as a reference to hopefully give you a contrast and improve the fluency and tone of the letter.

Dear Sir /Madam,

I am a 4th year Chinese Language and Culture Student at Xiamen University. I would like to apply to your for the graduate program in Contemporary Chinese Studies.

Originally, I started my studies in my hometown Heidelberg, where I (had studied at ) visited the Chinese Studies department for 3 semesters, focusing on The focus of study there was on Chinese and Asian politics, However I realised that in order to gain a better or a more thorough understanding, I needed to have a good be in command of (the) Chinese language, as well as being able to read and comprehend documents, refer to first hand rather than translations. After my first exchange year as an exchange student in China, I had fallen immediately fell in love with the country and its people. So so I decided to stay and continue my pursuit on improving my Chinese..

Hope that helps...

hey can you please review my letter of motivation

Anonymous — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 06:45:45 GMT

Dear Madam or Sir,

I am a 4th year Chinese Language and Culture Student at Xiamen University. I would like to apply to your graduate program in Contemporary Chinese Studies.

Originally I started my studies in my hometown Heidelberg, where I visited the Chinese Studies department for 3 semesters. The focus of study there was on Chinese and Asian politics, however I realised that for a more thorough understanding I needed to be in command of Chinese language, being able to read and refer to first hand documents, rather than translations. After my first exchange year in China I immediately fell in love with the country and its people, so I decided to stay and continue improving my Chinese.

During my time in Xiamen University I attended classes in various fields, such like Chinese economics, Government, History as well as classical Chinese Language and Readings. Overall the courses where very comprehensive and now, after almost 3 years of study, I am able to read most Chinese books and newspapers. I also was a member in the Universityâs Model United Nations student association. In Model UN, students take on roles as foreign diplomats and participate in a simulated session of an intergovernmental organization.

Now that China is playing a more and more important role in international politics, and I hope that through your program I can get a more accurate vision of the facts that underlie the relations between China and the rest of the world. Iâm keenly interested in acquiring more theoretical knowledge and especially more academic skills in this area. My father works for the German government and worked in central Asian countries like Turkmenistan and Afghanistan for many years. I was taught at an early age to develop an interest in political and economical matters and this has developed into a real passion. Therefore, Iâm seriously considering working in the government sector or in foreign relations. I think your program would be the right complement to my language degree (Any suggestions to make it sound better?). Moreover Renmin University has an outstanding reputation in social sciences and an international orientation.

The international experience I gathered during my time in China made me very adaptable and able to communicate with people from various cultural backgrounds. Besides my mother language German I speak fluent English, Chinese and basic French, Spanish. I am a very diligent person, BLABLABLABLA (any suggestions?)

I thank you for considering my application.

Yours sincerely,

ESL, Formal, General & Business Letter Writing (English language)

Re: hey can you please review my letter of motivation

hey can you please review my letter of motivation