ESL, Formal, General & Business Letter Writing (English language)

Re: help! please... :( personal statement!

Anonymous — Fri, 23 May 2008 10:35:26 GMT

thanks a lot!!!

i just didn't know sometimes how to correct the things you underlined o.O anyway, i tried to fix it a little bit at least!

Re: help! please... :( personal statement!

Mister Micawber — Thu, 22 May 2008 03:25:09 GMT

.
I have stricken out some inappropriate material and underlined other problem areas. You have trouble with commas:

~~Honestly,~~ I still did not know exactly what I wanted to ~~study, when~~ I was almost done with [high?] school. On one hand I was interested in the regular German program of Business Studies (BWL) but on the other hand this idea also did not convince me a hundred percent.

For that reason I decided to go abroad to gain some international experiences and to develop my personality. That way, I realized how important it is for me, to learn about other cultures, their countries and to be able to communicate, without difficulties, in other languages. As a part of the Aupair-Program where you live and work in an American family environment, you also get to meet and make friends with people from other contries all over the world. I can proudly admit, that those 13 months in the US did not only help me to improve my English language skills ~~a lot,~~ but rather to broaden my horizon in so many ways and to build up ~~my personality and~~ self-confidence.

During this time I also did a lot of research concerning the different study courses and I was immediately convinced by the program âInternational Businessâ, that combines Business Studies with an international aspect.

~~For the fact that~~ being able to speak more than one foreign language fluently is one of my long-lasting aims, I organized a stay abroad in Spain for ~~a total of~~ more than 3 months. In this time I also attended an intensive course in a Spanish Academy and ~~managed to~~ finish this course with 92% in a B1+-level-test. To learn even more about the language, the culture and country I will be going to Spain again in the end of May 2008, for ~~a period of~~ at least 5 weeks.

I want to study International Business because I do not want to limit my studies to the German economic area but to prepare myself for the international market, to learn and understand economics but to also become a part of it. The chance to study in classes only up to 50 people where the course instructions are ~~a 100%~~ in English, is a big motivation for me and I am looking forward to give proof of my ambition, willingness to perform, learning aptitude and team spirit.

help! please... :( personal statement!

Anonymous — Wed, 21 May 2008 17:24:25 GMT

hey guys!!

i'm just working on applications for universities and i'm starting to feel desperate with all those motivation letters and stuff...

i hope one of you can help me with this one and tell me if i made too many mistakes. ;)

thanks a lot!!!

Honestly, I still did not know exactly what I wanted to study, when I was almost done with school. On one hand I was interested in the regular German program of Business Studies (BWL) but on the other hand this idea also did not convince me a hundred percent.

For that reason I decided to go abroad to gain some international experiences and to develop my personality. That way, I realized how important it is for me, to learn about other cultures, their countries and to be able to communicate, without difficulties, in other languages. As a part of the Aupair-Program where you live and work in an American family environment, you also get to meet and make friends with people from other contries all over the world. I can proudly admit, that those 13 months in the US did not only help me to improve my English language skills a lot, but rather to broaden my horizon in so many ways and to build up my personality and self-confidence.

For the fact that being able to speak more than one foreign language fluently is one of my long-lasting aims, I organized a stay abroad in Spain for a total of more than 3 months. In this time I also attended an intensive course in a Spanish Academy and managed to finish this course with 92% in a B1+-level-test. To learn even more about the language, the culture and country I will be going to Spain again in the end of May 2008, for a period of at least 5 weeks.

I want to study International Business because I do not want to limit my studies to the German economic area but to prepare myself for the international market, to learn and understand economics but to also become a part of it. The chance to study in classes only up to 50 people where the course instructions are a 100% in English, is a big motivation for me and I am looking forward to give proof of my ambition, willingness to perform, learning aptitude and team spirit.