ESL, Formal, General & Business Letter Writing (English language)

Re: Motivation Letter

Anonymous — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 22:30:41 GMT

Dear friend,

I have been accepted for a course in the US but the embassy asked me to write and give reasons that I will come back to my hom country. Please can u help me with that.

Re: Motivation Letter

anon1 — Sat, 15 Jan 2005 00:33:15 GMT

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce.

After completing the Master's Program, I plan to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. My objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university and investigate issues concerned with Information Technology as it affects organizational strategy, structure, and systems.

I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland. After graduation and ten years of work, I have become an executive manager of a medical services company. I am responsible for all business matters, including administrative, financial, and marketing functions.

I have always endeavored to upgrade my education in the field of business. In January 1999, I was accepted in a full-time MBA program in the American University of CD in Panama. I successfully passed eight courses. In May 2000, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed nine MBA courses. Through my courses, I have developed a strong analytical and creative business mind.

With respect to computer technology, I have learned through my work experience how to construct, design, and run a successful e-commerce website. The launch of our companyâs e-commerce site will be pivotal [or is pivotal?] to the success of our company. The main objective of the website will be to present our products and agents in order to increases sales in a cost efficient means. I played an important role by leading and advising a team of commercial web designers to construct a website for our company. Through this experience, I learned that for a successful web presence we need not only a well-designed and easily maintained website, but also comprehensive product information, marketing, and distribution supported by strong marketing and sales force. [I removed âbusiness planâ as the business plan is merely paper. If it is executed, then it encompasses the website, marketing blah blah blah]

To further prepare myself better for the program, I completed a course in e-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I have also taken courses in the most common languages and tools for web designing such as HTML, FrontPage, and ASP as well as database tools such as Access and SQL Server. Moreover, I made extensive use of spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation software packages for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports during my ten-year work experience.

I have a strong academic background, as evidenced by my graduate level courses, as well as a solid track record of executive experience. With further education in e-commerce, I will be able to combine a teaching career with consulting business on IT management issues. I will understand the latest theories of information technology combined with strong real world experience that will allow me to develop interesting and significant topics for further study and channel my educational and managerial skills into providing unique business solutions [for real world applicationsâ¦optional] [I changed this last sentence so that your stuff is education, business. We need to keep the symmetry.] I am confident that the Masterâs Program in e-commerce offered by Delaware University will provide me the knowledge, confidence, and contacts to realize my dreams.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

I think it looks pretty good. I made some subtle changers here and there. So look it over carefully. I also found the âe-commerceâ was capitalized differently throughout. I am inclined to use lower case, unless it is part of a title or something. But look it over and be consistent in your capitalization.

Well done. Let me know if anything more is required.

MountainHiker

Re: Motivation Letter

JayT — Fri, 14 Jan 2005 18:56:59 GMT

Dear MountainHiker:
hope to be safe and sound. I tried to make it better. Please review it one more time and tell me what is your idea specially about the last paragraph: I have a strong...does it cover what the university asked to:what you expect from your studies at XXX?
Thank you so very much for your great help, Jay T
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce.

After completing the Master's Program, I plan to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. My objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university and investigate issues concerned with Information Technology as it affects organizational strategy, structure, and systems.

I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland. After graduation and ten years of work, I have become an executive manager of a medical services company. I am responsible for all business matters, including administrative, financial, and marketing functions.

I have always endeavored to upgrade my education in the field of business. In January 1999, I was accepted in a full-time MBA program in the American University of CD in Panama. I successfully passed eight courses. In May 2000, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed nine MBA courses. Through my courses, I have developed a strong analytical and creative business mind.

With respect to computer technology, I have learned through my work experience how to construct, design, and run a successful e-commerce website. The launch of our companyâs e-commerce site will be pivotal to the success of our company. The main objective of the website will be to present our products and agents in order to increases sales in a cost efficient means. I played an important role by leading and advising a team of commercial web designers to construct a website for our company. Through this experience, I learned that for a successful web presence we need not only a well-designed and easily maintained website, but also comprehensive product information, marketing, distribution, business plan supported by strong marketing and sales force.

To further prepare myself better for the program, I completed a course in E-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I have also taken courses in most common languages and tools for web designing such as HTML, FrontPage, and ASP as well as database tools such as Access and SQL Server. Moreover, I made extensive use of spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation software packages for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports during my ten-year work experience.

I have a strong academic background, as evidenced by my graduate level courses as well as a solid track record of executive experience. With further education in e-Commerce, I will be able to combine a teaching career with advising business sector on IT management issues. I will have strong real world experience combined with the latest theories of information technology that will allow me to channel my educational and managerial skills into providing unique business solutions and developing interesting and significant topics for further study. I am confident that the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce offered by Delaware University will provide me the knowledge, confidence, and contacts to realize my dreams.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Re: Motivation Letter

anon1 — Sat, 08 Jan 2005 20:13:45 GMT

Hi,

You are almost done. There are just two sentences you might wish to play around to improve them. If I were you, I'd leave it for a day or two, and then look at it with fresh eyes. You're essentially done, so you need not worry about completing it.

MountainHiker

Dear Sir or Madam:

1-I am writing to apply for the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce.

2-After completing the Master's Program, I plan to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. My objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university and investigate issues concerned with Information Technology as it affects organizational strategy, structure, and systems.

3-I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland. After graduation and ten years of work, I have become an executive manager of a medical services company. I am responsible for all business matters, including administrative, financial, and marketing functions.

4-I have always endeavored to upgrade my education in the field of business ( at a post-graduate level. â¦not true, your computer stuff was not post graduate and it is âstill businessââ¦be careful how much you add onâ¦strive for simplicity) In January 1999, I was accepted in a full-time MBA program in the American University of CD in Panama. I successfully passed eight courses. In May 2000, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed 10 MBA courses. Through my courses, I have developed a strong analytical and creative business mind.

5-With respect to computer technology, I have learned through my work experience how to construct, design, and run a successful e-commerce website. The launch of our companyâs e-commerce site will be pivotal to the success of our company. The main objective of the website was to present our products and agents in order to increases sales in a cost efficient means. I played an important role by leading and advising a team of commercial web designers to construct a website for our company. Through this experience, I learned that for a successful web presence we need not only a well-designed and easily maintained website, but also comprehensive product information, marketing, distribution, business plan supported by strong marketing and sales force. [I still donât like this sentence. It seems like weâre trying to be fancy and cramming a bunch of buzz words in there. See if you can change it completely. Or if you like it, leave it. I donât care for it.]

6-To further prepare myself better for the program, I completed a course in E-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I have also taken courses in most common languages and tools for web designing such as HTML, FrontPage, and ASP as well as database tools such as Access and SQL Server. Moreover, I made extensive use of spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation software packages for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports during my ten-year work experience.

7-I have a strong academic background, as evidenced by my graduate level courses as well as a solid track record of executive experience. With further education in e-Commerce, I will be able to combine a teaching career with advising business sector on IT management issues. I will have strong real world experience combined with the latest theories of information technology [that will allow me to channel my conceptual and managerial skills into providing unique business solutions and developing interesting and significant topics for further studyâ¦sounds artificial hereâ¦to much âbusiness speakâ what are âconceptual skillsâ anyway?] I am confident that the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce offered by Delaware University will provide me the knowledge, confidence, and contacts to realize my dreams.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Re: Motivation Letter

JayT — Sat, 08 Jan 2005 19:26:55 GMT

Dear MountainHiker:
I made a few changes wherever I thought might be confusing...Could you please review it one more time especially the Eighth paragraph with more careful consideration...
This time I am afraid of posing lots of questions;)
Best regards, Jay T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir or Madam:

1-I am writing to apply for the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce.

2-After completing the Master's Program, I plan to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. My objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university and investigate issues concerned with Information Technology as it affects organizational strategy, structure, and systems.

3-I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland. After graduation and ten years of work, I have become an executive manager of a medical services company. I am responsible for all business matters, including administrative, financial, and marketing functions.

4-I have always endeavored to upgrade my education in the field of Business at a post-graduate level. In January 1999, I was accepted in a full-time MBA program in the American University of CD in Panama. I successfully passed eight courses. In May 2000, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed 10 MBA courses. Through my courses, I have developed a strong analytical and creative business mind.

5-With respect to computer technology, I have learned through my work experience how to construct, design, and run a successful e-commerce website. The launch of our companyâs e-commerce site will be pivotal to the success of our company. The main objective of the website was to present our products and agents in order to increases sales in a cost efficient means. I played an important role by leading and advising a team of commercial web designers to construct a website for our company. Through this experience, I learned that for a successful web presence we need not only a well-designed and easily maintained website, but also a completed and comprehensive product information, marketing, distribution, business plan supported by strong marketing and sales force.

6-To further prepare myself better for the program, I completed a course in E-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I have also taken courses in most common languages and tools for web designing such as HTML, FrontPage, and ASP as well as database tools such as Access and SQL Server. Moreover, I made extensive use of spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation packages for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports during my ten-year work experience.

7-I have a strong academic background, as evidenced by my graduate studies' courses as well as a solid track record of executive experience. With further education in e-Commerce, I will be able to combine a teaching career with advising business sector on IT management issues. I will have strong real world experience combined with the latest theories of information technology that will allow me to channel my conceptual and managerial skills into providing unique business solutions and developing interesting and significant topics for further study. I am confident that the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce offered by Delaware University will provide me the knowledge, confidence, and contacts to realize my dreams.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Re: Motivation Letter

anon1 — Sat, 08 Jan 2005 17:31:34 GMT

Dear MountainHiker:
Without any exaggeration, I love your artistic writing. Thank you
1)In the fourth paragraph, so you think whatever I mentioned in the lat version(Posted: 01-07-2005 01:01 PM) was not neccessary? Got no idea. I am just going to work with what is below.
3)Sixth paragraph:refers to my computer abilites and skills...It's better to keep it, right? I havenât gotten that far yet, but I will look soon.
4)Seventh and Eighth paragraph:Can I keep both and just move the Eighth one in place of seventh one, Because I have to mention somewhere at the end:what you expect from your studies at XXX. I think if I put it at the end, it looks much better and at the same time keeps the general format of the motivation letter.Right? and at the same time the eighth paragraph would be a great reason to:explaining why you want to join this programme...Right? Youâre asking a lot of questions here. But as I recall, I wanted to scrap the patronizing paragraph.

Thanks for your great patient and kindness. Jay T Youâre welcome.

Dear Sir or Madam:

1-I am writing to apply for the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce.

2-After completing the Master's Program, I plan to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. My objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university and investigate issues concerned with Information Technology as it affects organizational strategy, structure, and systems.

3-I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland. After graduation and ten years of work, I have become an executive manager of a medical services company. I am responsible for all business matters, including administrative, financial, and marketing functions.

4-I have always endeavored to upgrade my skills through additional courses. In January 1999, I was accepted in a full-time MBA program in the American University of CD in Panama. I successfully passed eight courses. In May 2000, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed 10 MBA courses. Through my courses, I have developed a strong analytical and creative business mind.

5-With respect to computer technology, I have learned through my work experience how to construct, design, and run a successful e-commerce website. The launch of our companyâs e-commerce site was pivotal to the success of our company. The main objective of the website was to present our products and agents in order to increases sales in a cost efficient means. I played an important role by leading and advising a team of commercial web designers to construct a website for our company. Through this experience, I learned that for a successful web presence we need not only a well-designed and easily maintained website, but also comprehensive product information, marketing, distribution and other skills that may not be present in a brick-and-mortar business. Your last sentence doesnât flow very well.

For a comprehensive web presence we need not only this, but also that.

that does not appear to be comprehensive product information, marketing, distribution and other skills that may not be present in a brick-and-mortar business. You have âhard stuffâ for the âthisâ, and then you refer to âsoft stuffâ like âother skillsâ. It doesnât seem right at all to me.

Through this experience, I learned that for a successful web presence we need not only a well-designed and easily maintained website, but also a completed and comprehensive product information, marketing, distribution business plan supported by strong marketing and sales force. Better?

Now you have this and that. You need a not only a good website, but also a plan and good people (the âthatâ) to support your âweb presenceâ.

6-To further prepare myself better for the program, I completed a course in E-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I have also taken courses in most common languages and tools for web designing such as HTML, FrontPage, and ASP as well as database tools such as Access and SQL Server. Moreover, I made extensive use of spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation packages for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports.

8-I have a strong academic background, as evidenced by my graduate studies' courses as well as a solid track record of executive experience. With further education in e-Commerce, I will be able to combine a teaching career with advising business and government on IT management issues. I will have strong real world experience combined with the latest theories of information technology that will allow me to channel my conceptual and managerial skills into providing unique business solutions and developing interesting and significant topics for further study. I am confident that the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce offered by Delaware University will provide me the knowledge, confidence, and contacts to realize my dreams.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Jay Tâ¦

Look it over. I think you are almost done.

MountainHiker

Re: Motivation Letter

JayT — Sat, 08 Jan 2005 12:09:51 GMT

Dear MountainHiker:
Without any exaggeration, I love your artistic writing.
1)In the fourth paragraph, so you think whatever I mentioned in the lat version(Posted: 01-07-2005 01:01 PM) was not neccessary?
3)Sixth paragraph:refers to my computer abilites and skills...It's better to keep it, right?
4)Seventh and Eighth paragraph:Can I keep both and just move the Eighth one in place of seventh one, Because I have to mention somewhere at the end:what you expect from your studies at XXX. I think if I put it at the end, it looks much better and at the same time keeps the general format of the motivation letter.Right? and at the same time the eighth paragraph would be a great reason to:explaining why you want to join this programme...Right?
Thanks for your great patient and kindness. Jay T
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir or Madam:

1-I am writing to apply for the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce.

2-After completing the Master's Program, I plan to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. My objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university and investigate issues concerned with Information Technology as it affects organizational strategy, structure, and systems.

3-I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland. After graduation and ten years of work, I have become an executive manager of a medical services company. I am responsible for all business matters, including administrative, financial, and marketing functions.

4-I have always endeavored to upgrade my skills through additional courses. In January 1999, I was accepted in a full-time MBA program in the American University of CD in Panama. I successfully passed eight courses. In May 2000, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed 10 MBA courses. Through my courses, I have developed a strong analytical and creative business mind.

5-With respect to computer technology, I have learned through my work experience how to construct, design, and run a successful e-commerce website. The launch of our companyâs e-commerce site was pivotal to the success of our company. I played an important role by leading and advising a team of commercial web designers to construct a website for our company. The main objective of the website was to present our products and agents in order to increases sales in a cost efficient means. Through this experience, I learned that for a successful web presence we need not only a well-designed and easily maintained website, but also comprehensive product information, marketing, distribution and other skills that may not be present in a brick-and-mortar business.

6-To prepare myself better for the program, I completed a course in E-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I have also taken courses in most common languages and tools for web designing such as HTML, FrontPage, and ASP as well as database tools such as Access and SQL Server. Moreover, I made extensive use of spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation packages for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports.

7-I am confident that the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce offered by Delaware University will provide me with a solid understanding to further pursue my doctoral degree. The School's strengths in information management and especially e-Commerce complements my research interests. I have learned from prior students that Delaware University is known for its high academic standards, the faculty's reputation for excellent teaching, challenging coursework and the excellent facilities are added attractions. The Delaware University would help me achieve my professional goals of furthering my Business and IT education through the specialize coursework offered as part of its e-MBA Program.

8-I have a strong academic background, as evidenced by my graduate studies' courses as well as a solid track record of executive experience. With further education in e-Commerce, I will be able to combine a teaching career with advising business and government on IT management issues. I will have strong real world experience combined with the latest theories of information technology that will allow to channel my conceptual and managerial skills into providing unique business solutions and developing interesting and significant topics for further study.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Jay Tâ¦

Re: Motivation Letter

anon1 — Fri, 07 Jan 2005 19:38:12 GMT

Iâve made subtle changes here and there. Look it over and see what you think. I think your overall essay is coming along very nicely. It is looking structured and focused. I think youâre hihglighting your skills, experience and dedication much better. Let me know what you think.

MountainHiker

Your name
Address

Manager of the Program
Division of Industrial Marketing & e-Commerce
XXX State University

January 5th, 2005

Dear Sir or Madam:

1-I am writing to apply for the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce.

2-After completing the Master's Program, I plan to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. My objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university and investigate issues concerned with Information Technology as it affects organizational strategy, structure, and systems.

3-I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland. After graduation and twenty years of work, I have become an executive manager of a medical services company. I am responsible for all business matters, including administrative, financial, and marketing functions. [Though my career I have seen the progress of e-Commerce in both private and governmental sectors. âdelete, doesnât add anything of substance]

4-I have always endeavored to upgrade my skills through additional courses. In January 1999, I was accepted in a full-time MBA program in the American University of CD in Panama. I successfully passed eight courses. In May 2000, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed 10 MBA courses. (Did you graduate?) Through my courses, I have developed a strong analytical and creative business mind. [My work experience and my academic training form a solid foundation for pursuing a degree in e-commerceâ¦letâs delete this too.]

5-With respect to computer technology, I have learned through my work experience how to construct, design, and run a successful e-commerce website. The launch of our companyâs e-commerce site was pivotal to the success of our company. I played an important role by leading and advising a team of commercial web designers to construct a website for our company. The main objective of the website was to present our products and agents [in order to increases sales in a cost efficient means?]. Through this experience, I learned that for a successful web presence we need not only a well-designed and easily maintained website, [but also comprehensive product information, marketing, distribution and other skills that may not be present in a brick-and-mortar business. â¦I started to revise this latter portion, but you need to fix it. We need NOT ONLY this, but also THAT. Your âthatâ does follow the proper symmetry.]

6-To prepare myself better for the program, I completed a course in E-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I have also taken courses in most common languages and tools for web designing such as HTML, FrontPage, and ASP as well as database tools such as Access and SQL Server[ in branch of UK-AB College in my countryâ¦can probably delete between brackets]. [Moreover, I made extensive use of computers..blah blah blahâ¦put in an active tense. During the last ten years, the extensive use of computers for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports has made me familiar with spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation packages. ]

7-I believe that the aim of the Program is consistent with my academic and work background and aspirations. The School's strengths in information management and especially e-Commerce complements my research interests. I have learned from prior students that Delaware University is known for its high academic standards, the faculty's reputation for excellent teaching, challenging coursework and the excellent facilities are added attractions. The Delaware University would help me achieve my professional goals of furthering my Business and IT education through the specialize coursework offered as part of its e-MBA Program. [I much prefer 8. Paragraph 7 seems patronizing to me. Paragraph 8 says you have a plan and you are executing your plan.]

8-I am confident that the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce offered by Delaware University will provide me with a solid understanding to further pursue my doctoral degree. I have a strong academic background, as evidenced by my graduate studies' courses as well as a solid track record of executive experience. With further education in e-Commerce, I will be able to combine a teaching career with advising business and government on IT management issues. I will have strong real world experience combined with the latest theories of information technology that will allow to channel my conceptual and managerial skills into providing unique business solutions and developing interesting and significant topics for further study.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Jay Tâ¦

Re: Motivation Letter

JayT — Fri, 07 Jan 2005 19:01:54 GMT

Dear MountainHiker:
Hope to be safe and sound.
1)I corrected the capitalization.
2)In the third paragraph, Although made it very long paragraph, I tried to expalin enough.
3)you asked me to add the information in the Sixth paragraph to the fifth one...don't you think it would make the fifth paragraph too long?
4)About the seventh and eighth paragraph, I was not sure if I should keep all the information or not. Then I left it out for your deceision. In the eighth paragraph, I came up with two choices, Which one you think is better? I remind you what they asked again:A personal letter explaining why you want to join this programme and what you expect from your studies at XXX
5) The general format(the location of heading, date,...)is correct?
At the end, I would like to appreciate you once again for your great help to me. Jay T
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Letter of Motivation

Manager of the Program
Division of Industrial Marketing & e-Commerce
XXX State University

January 5th, 2005

Dear Sir or Madam:

1-I am writing to apply for the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce.

2-After completing the Master's Program, I plan to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. My objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university and investigate issues concerned with Information Technology as it affects organizational strategy, structure, and systems.

3-I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland. After graduation and twenty year of work, I have become an Executive Manager of a Medical Services company. I am responsible for all business matters, including administrative, financial, and marketing functions. Though my career I have seen the progress of e-Commerce in both private and governmental sectors.

4-My first job as Marketing and Sales Assistant and a course in Translation of Economic Texts in my Bachelor Degree studies were my main motivation to continue my education by taking post-graduate level business courses. In January 1999, I was accepted in Full-time MBA program in the American University of CD in Panama. I have successfully passed eight courses (six lower-level or prerequisite, two upper level). In May 2000, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed 10 MBA courses (one lower-level waived, six lower level retaken, four upper-level). Through my courses, I have developed a strong analytical and creative business mind. My work experience and my academic training form a solid foundation for pursuing a degree in e-commerce.

5-With respect to computer technology, I have learned through my work experience how to construct, design, and run a successful e-commerce website. The growing importance of e-commerce in a business was pivotal to the success of our company. I played an important role by leading and advising a team of commercial web designer to set up a website for our company. The main objective of the website was to present our products and agents. Through this experience, I learned that for a successful web presence we need not only a well-designed and easily maintained website, but also must bring together product knowledge, marketing, distribution and other skills that may not be present in a brick-and-mortar business.

6-To prepare myself better for the Program, I completed a course in E-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I have also taken courses in most common languages and tools for web designing (like HTML, FrontPage, ASP), Database (Access, SQL Server) in branch of UK-AB College in my country. During the last ten years, the extensive use of computers for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports has made me familiar with spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation packages.

7-I believe that the aim of the Program is consistent with my academic and work background and aspirations. The School's strengths in information management and especially e-Commerce is appropriate to my research interests. I have learned from prior students that Delaware University is known for its high academic standards, the faculty's reputation for excellent teaching, challenging coursework and the excellent facilities are added attractions. The Delaware University would help me achieve my professional goals of furthering my Business and IT education through the specialize coursework offered as part of its e-MBA Program.

8-I am confident that the Masterâs Program in e-Commerce offered by Delaware University will provide me with a solid understanding to further pursue my doctoral degree. I have a strong academic background, as evidenced by my graduate studies' courses as well as a solid track record of executive experience. With further education in e-Commerce,
1) I will be able to combine a teaching career with advising business and government on IT management issues
2) It would enable me to channel my conceptual and managerial skills in analyzing business issues and would open up to me new avenues in research.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Jay Tâ¦

Re: Motivation Letter

anon1 — Thu, 06 Jan 2005 02:36:33 GMT

JayT,

More work is required. But it is definitely taking shape.

MountainHiker

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the Masterâs programme in e-Commerce.

After completing the master's programme, I plan to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. My objective is to become a faculty member at a leading university and investigate issues concerned with Information Technology as it affects organizational strategy, structure, and systems.

I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland. After graduation and twenty year of work, I have become an Executive Manager of a Medical Services company. I am responsible for all business matters, including administrative, financial, and marketing functions. Though my career I have seen the progress of e-commerce in both private and governmental sectors.

During my bachelor degree studies, I had a course in Translation of Economic Texts that increased my interest in the connection between my first job (Marketing and Sales Assistant) and Business. [something doesnât make sense. How can your studies increase your interest between your job when you are still in school? You need to rephrase/] Therefore, I decided to continue my education by taking post-graduate level business courses. In January 1999, I was accepted in Full-time MBA programme in the American University of CD in Panama and I passed eight courses. In May 2000, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed nine MBA courses. (You need to be clear, you have 8 courses, and then started over to arrive at 9 courses?] Through my courses I have developed a strong analytical and creative business mind. My work experience and my academic training form a solid foundation for pursuing a degree in e-commerce.

With respect to computer technology, I have learned through my work experience how to construct, design, and run a successful e-commerce website. The growing importance of e-commerce in a business was pivotal to the success our company. I played an important role by doing this that and the other thing. The main objective of the website was to present our products and agents. Though this experience I learned blah blah blah. [I had the opportunity to be in direct contact with the web designers. I have learned that how they are using the e-commerce in a real website project. â¦set aside for now.]

[During the last ten years, the extensive use of computers for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports has made me familiar with spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation packages. To prepare myself better for this objective, I completed a course in E-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I have also taken courses in most common languages and tools for web designing (like HTML, FrontPage, ASP), Database (Access, SQL Server) in branch of UK-AB College in my country. â¦I would be inclined to delete this whole paragraph. You might wish to mention that you have mastered various technologies in the prior paragraph.]

The Master's Programme [You need to be consistent in your spelling and capitalization] in e-Commerce offers a wide range of subjects and electives that will let me broaden my interests in e-Commerce.[Obvious, no? You need something stonger.] The School's strengths in information management and especially e-commerce is appropriate to my research interests. I have learned from prior students that Delaware University is known for its high academic standards, the faculty's reputation for excellent teaching, challenging coursework and the excellent facilities are added attractions. I would expect the University of Delaware to provide me with applied courses that could help me in my future educational progress. [this paragraph needs work]

I am confident that the Masterâs Programme in E-Commerce offered by XYZ will provide me with an solid understanding/foundation/whatever to further pursue my doctoral degree (you will need to fix the capitalizations). I have a strong academic background, as evidenced by my undergraduate degree and my courses, as well as a solid track record of executive experience. With further education in e-commerce, I will be able blah blah blah (I would try to combine academic/analytical skills with real world experience.)

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Jay Tâ¦

Re: Motivation Letter

anon1 — Wed, 05 Jan 2005 20:47:15 GMT

JayT,

Looks much better. I don't have time right now, but I will comment later. You should check the box at the top of this thread that will notify you of any responses. That will accomplish two things. One, when I respond, you will be notified. And two, I sometimes spot small typos or other enhancements after the thread is complete. If you have notification turned on, then you might be able to catch the enhancements prior to issuing your letter.

I will have some comments for you within 24 hours.

MountainHiker

Re: Motivation Letter

JayT — Wed, 05 Jan 2005 20:20:45 GMT

Dear MountainHiker:
I think I did better.
1)I know the Third Paragraph is too wordy
2) I tried to use less the mumbo-jumbo words..but I left the rest because I thought it was necessary. If you think it's better to reduce more, I would do it.
3)The Aim: in the first paragraph: did I put it in the right place?
4)If I want to add more confidence, where it should be mentioned?
I would like to appreciate your great help in advance.
Best wishes, Jay T
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the Masterâs programme in e-Commerce.

After completing my master's programme, I would like to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. Subsequent to earning a Ph.D., I would like to apply for a faculty position at a leading university; and investigate issues concerned with Information technology as it affects organization strategy, structure, and systems.

I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland.
I am Executive Manager of a Medical Services company. I am supervising all business matters (Administrative, Financial, and Marketing). I see daily progress of e-commerce in both private and governmental sectors in my job.

During my bachelor studies, I had a course in Translation of Economic texts that increased my interest in the connection between my first job (Marketing and Sales Assistant) and Business. Therefore, I decided to continue my education in the field of Business at a post-graduate level. I have participated in two MBA programmes: In January 1999, I was accepted in Full-time MBA programme in the American University of CD in Panama and I passed eight courses. In May 2000, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed nine MBA courses. I have learned the systematical researching, analytical thinking, and information evaluation, but most of all they have provided me with deeper insight of Business. My business background is an excellent pathway to a master's degree in e-commerce.

In my last job, I have learned how to construct, design, and run a successful e-commerce website. The growing importance of e-commerce in a business made me to ask a team of commercial web designer to set up a website for our company. The main objective of the website was to present our products and agents. I had the opportunity to be in direct contact with the web designers. I have learned that how they are using the e-commerce in a real website project.

During the last ten years, the extensive use of computers for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports has made me familiar with spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation packages. To prepare myself better for this objective, I completed a course in E-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I have also taken courses in most common languages and tools for web designing (like HTML, FrontPage, ASP), Database (Access, SQL Server) in branch of UK-AB College in my country.

The Master's Programme in e-Commerce offers a wide range of subjects and electives that will let me broaden my interests in e-Commerce. The School's strengths in information management and especially e-commerce is appropriate to my research interests. I have learned from prior students that Delaware University is known for its high academic standards, the faculty's reputation for excellent teaching, challenging coursework and the excellent facilities are added attractions. I would expect the University of Delaware to provide me with applied courses that could help me in my future educational progress.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Jay Tâ¦

Re: Motivation Letter

anon1 — Tue, 04 Jan 2005 07:39:38 GMT

Hi,

I quickly scanned your letter. You didn't follow the instructions.

In the 4th paragraph, I FINALLY learn that you have a degree in English translation. Get all your stuff at the front. And you are still overloading me with a bunch of technical mumbo jumbo (e-crm, e-strategies, html, dhtml, bs, mbs).

Read your stuff out loud. Does it make sense? Does it follow some sort of chronological or other systematic order?

Rather than replying to my stuff quickly, take some time and reorganize your stuff.

Go back to my earlier outline.

You need to give a BRIEF history quickly. You need to state your goals quickly. And then you need to tell me about YOU. Tell them what motivates you. Tell them what interests you and why it interests you.

You need to cleanly lay out your organization.

As it stands now... you have

1) e-commerce

2) master phd, and then a bunch of junk about mumbo jumbo (organization's structure, long-term business strategy, distribution network, information needs, and standard systems. In order to have enough understanding of the above-mentioned issues, it is essential for me to have a strong background in e-strategies, e-CRM, and issues connected with Information Technology) It needs to be streamlined. More importantly, it needs to fit in its proper place in your letter, and it probably ain't here.

3) You've always enjoyed IT

4) Now we regress back in time and learn you have an English translation degree. Oh, and we learn about your current job. So now we're mixing ancient academic stuff with current employment stuff. It is summarized by future goal of wanting to work in the educational system. See the organization? I don't.

5) Then we move back to your bachelor degree. And we ramble on and on.

Do you see how disorganized this is?

You need to properly group everything so that it follows both chronological order and a subject or theme.

Please take your time and really work hard at fixing this.

MountainHiker

Re: Motivation Letter

JayT — Tue, 04 Jan 2005 06:36:18 GMT

Dear mountainHiker:
I did better. please take a look at that now and tell me should I take paragraphs two and seven out of my letter? now, the general format of the letter is correct or not?
Best regards, Jay T
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the Masterâs programme in e-Commerce.

After completing my masters program, I would like to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. In particular, I am interested in factors that affect the competitive performance of a business, and the manner in which changes in technology(like e-commerce) affect an organization's structure, long-term business strategy, distribution network, information needs, and standard systems. In order to have enough understanding of the above-mentioned issues, it is essential for me to have a strong background in e-strategies, e-CRM, and issues connected with Information Technology.

I always enjoyed learning about business and especially computer Science and IT and following technological developments and seeing their implications. My business background is an excellent pathway to a master's degree in e-commerce. A master's degree will give me the up-to-date tools and knowledge to be competitive and competent in future age of Information Technology.

I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland.
I am Executive Manager of a Medical Services company. I am supervising all business matters (Administrative, Financial, and Marketing). I see daily progress of e-commerce in both private and governmental sectors. It is inevitable for them to present at least part of their Marketing and Sales and Service job through e-commerce. I would like to be in educational system of the future of Technology.

During my studies in Bachelor degree, I had a course in Translation of Economic texts that increased my interest in the connection between my first job (Marketing and Sales Assistant) and Business. Strong desire of continuing my education in the field of Business at a post-graduate level made me to participate in two MBA programmes: First, I was accepted in Full-time MBA programme in the American University of CD in Panama and after passing eight courses, I moved to the University of EF in US to complete my degree. I was a full-time MBA student and I have successfully passed nine MBA courses. I have learned the systematical researching, analytical thinking, and information evaluation, but most of all they have provided me with deeper insight of Business.

The growing importance of e-commerce in a business made me to set up a website for the company. The main objective of the website was to inform the visitors with the mission, vision, future plans, products, and our agents in different cities. Although our parent company in Switzerland helped us with the format and pictures of the website, I had the opportunity to be in direct contact with the web publishers. I was giving them my ideas (with the picture of our parent company in my mind) and I have learned that how they are using the e-commerce terms like e-strategies and e-CRM in a real website project. Now I have a view of how an effective website can make.

To prepare myself better for this objective I completed a course in E-commerce in College of Economics in Panama University. I took several computer courses like HTML, DHTML, FrontPage, Flash, ASP, and SQL Server in branch of UK-AB College in my country. During the last ten years, the extensive use of computers for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports has made me familiar with spreadsheet, word processing, and presentation packages. I think having fair knowledge of the above-mentioned courses is necessary to do an e-MBA. I speak English fluently and I have gained a satisfactory level of French.

My first acquaintance with e-commerce goes back to when I was living in Panama six years ago where I could order an item through Internet and then the merchant was sending me the item with its carrier service and I could pay him either in cash or by check. During my stay in US, It was amazing for me to see several successful private e-businesses like Amazon. COM and governments' institutions like Police Department offering many services just through their websites. During my job at XX, I had the chance to see one of the practical aspects of e-commerce and networking directly since the company is using a comprehensive networking software which I could serve personally its customers not through U.S. but through the other sites in all over the world.

I want to do a Master's degree in e-Commerce in XYZ University for many reasons.
I am impressed with the emphasis placed on technical and analytical skills, general management orientation, and rigorous research methodology. The School's strengths in information management and specially e-commerce are appropriate to my research interests. From prior students and research, I have learned that Delaware University is known for its high academic standards, the faculty's reputation for excellent teaching, challenging coursework and the excellent facilities are added attractions. The programme also offers a wide range of subjects and electives, which will let me broaden my interests in e-Commerce. Therefore, I would expect the University of Delaware to provide me with applied courses that could help me in my future educational and work progress.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Re: Motivation Letter

anon1 — Mon, 03 Jan 2005 21:13:46 GMT

Jay,

The problems you are encountering have little or nothing to do with English. Your ability to write English sentences is strong. You problem is with organization. Please think about my comments, take some time, and then provide a new version.

MountainHiker

January 3rd, 2005

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing to apply for the Masterâs programme in e-Commerce.

After completing my masterâs program in e-Commerce, I would like to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in Information Technology. This degree would enable me to combine a research and teaching career (rather obvious, no?). In particular, I am interested in factors that affect the competitive performance of a business, and the manner in which changes in technology(like e-commerce) affect an organization's structure, long-term business strategy, product development, manufacturing, supply chains, distribution network, information needs, and standard systems (you donât want to provide a laundry list of items. They know what IT does. Your challenge is show why you are interested and what special abilities and background you bring.). In order to have enough understanding of the above-mentioned issues, it is essential for me to have a strong background in, e-strategies, e-marketing, e-CRM, and issues connected with Information Technology.

I always enjoyed learning about business and especially computer Science and IT and following technological developments and seeing their implications. My business background is an excellent pathway to a master's degree in e-commerce. A master's degree will give me the up-to-date tools and knowledge to be competitive and competent in future age of Information Technology.

I have a Bachelor Degree in English Translation from AB University in Iceland.

I stopped reading here.

You want to present a tight cohesive letter.

Rough Framework.

Para 1: You want an e-commerce degree

Para 2: You prior education is what? (one sentence). You current job is what? This leads to what? And you want to do what?

Para 3: Explain past education

Para 4: Explain how job fits into furthering your degree.

Para 5: Explain special skills and abilities.

Para 6: Wrap it all up.

Stay away from the buzzwords and other stuff. Tell them about YOU. They know the buzzwords and technical speak. What they donât know is about you. And you is what they have to decide upon.

During my studies in Bachelor degree, I had a course in Translation of Economic texts that increased my interest in the connection between my first job (Marketing and Sales

Blah blah blah