ESL, Formal, General & Business Letter Writing (English language)

Re: Letter of Motivation

anon1 — Sun, 23 Jan 2005 05:11:21 GMT

matthewg,

Excellent and thorough advice throughout.

Just one small point...in North America "scrutineer" is a more commonly used word than is "rapporteur". Nona the brit and I run into this frequently. Something that sounds odd to me sounds natural to her and vice versa.

MountainHiker

Re: Letter of Motivation

matthewg — Sun, 23 Jan 2005 01:33:27 GMT

This letter is well written, and your English is good. But I did spot a few mistakes. And many of your sentences are too long, you need to use more commas and fullstops.

In the second paragraph:

"...my future plans of seeking a carrier in an international organization...." The word is career.

In paragraph five:

"...the program has guided me in systematical researching...." Guided me through, not in. Systematical is a non-word. The adjective is systematic.

"...provided me with deeper insight of political international issues...." Deeper insight into, not of.

"At the U of T...." This is not acceptable. Use the full name.

"I have benefited from co-living and communicating with people...." Co-living is a non-word; change it to living.

"...with people with various social and ethnic backgrounds." Change to from.

In Paragraph six:

"I have fulfilled my international and political interests through becoming involved...." Change to by.

"in a number of volunteering and internship opportunities ranging from...." Put a comma between opportunities and ranging.

"...being a youth candidate at Canadian federal election...." A candidate participates in a federal election.

"... being a scrutineer at the Toronto municipal elections...." This word is stupid. Just use rapporteur.

Paragraph seven:

"...expeditions to over 40 countries...." Forty.

"...I sailed to Sweden and Scotland on a tall ship, drove Canada coast to coast, hitch-hiked around...." Drove accross canada.

"In my travels I search not only for the regular nature or artistic points of interest but also investigated the cultural, social and political factors." The tenses don't match.

"...become bilingual in English and Polish...." Become fluent in.

Paragraph eight:

"...hard-working person with an international personality with an array of experiences in the world...." As opposed to a national personality? The cliche you should use here is international outlook or cosmopolitan outlook.

"...knowledge and understanding in the world...." Knowledge and understanding of the world, in this context.

"...societies throughout the globe...." Across the globe, throughout the world.

"Time permitting; I invite you to my personal web site...." Incorrect use of the semicolon. Use a comma.

Paragraph nine:

This paragraph needs commas.

"...my personal web site www.nickkozak.com where you can acquaint yourself...." Put the website address in parentheses.

"I eagerly await your decision." I eagerly await news of your decision.

Letter of Motivation

kozak — Sat, 22 Jan 2005 02:53:18 GMT

I hope that you can look at this letter of Motivation and send over some feedback.

Thank you

Nick Kozak

Dear Sir or Madam,

(What)
In the process of completing my last semester of an Honours Bachelor of Arts and Science Degree at Trinity College of University of Toronto, I am writing to apply for the Peace and Conflict Studies (2-year Masterâs Degree), starting in the fall of 2005.

(Work)

I found that the Masterâs in Peace and Conflict Studies postgraduate program corresponds well with my future plans of seeking a carrier in an international organization or government organizations. It is my ambition to be admitted, and pursue my postgraduate studies in the field of Peace and Conflict Studies and develop a career in working across the world wherever need is greatest for assistance in the development of peace and resolving conflict.

(How this IR MA fits with my interests)
My desire to study in the area of Peace and Conflict Studies reflects my interests in global issues and people. I have always been greatly interested in world issues, including politics and geography, but especially, the plight of societies, the conflicts that arise between peoples, their vast consequences in the world, and the reasons behind such unfavorable conditions. I have always given much thought to the possibilities of peace and how people may be educated to avoid conflicts.

(My education background)
I am currently completing the last semester of an Honours Bachelor of Arts and Science Degree at Trinity College of University of Toronto, which has one of the highest standards for acceptance (copy from TC letter to Senat) in Canada. By the time I graduate I will have completed two majors, Psychology and International Relations, the latter one believed to be among the most competitive (copy from TC letter to Ambassador) in North America. Simultaneously I am becoming a certified Teacher of English as a Second Language (TESL) through a program at Oxford Seminars.

During the double major Bachelor Degree the program has guided me in systematical researching, analytical thinking, and information evaluation, but most of all it has provided me with deeper insight of political international issues and the psychological aspects of life. During my program I chose a variety of elective courses ranging from micro economics to architecture. At the U of T, and at the University of Birmingham where I completed a year-long student exchange, I learned the values of teamwork, commitment, and how to concentrate and focus on goals. I have benefited from co-living and communicating with people with various social and ethnic backgrounds.

(My Volunteering/Internship background) I have fulfilled my international and political interests through becoming involved in a number of volunteering and internship opportunities ranging from being a youth candidate at Canadian federal election to being a scrutineer at the Toronto municipal elections. Among the highlights of my international experience was an internship at the Presidium Office of the Foreign Affairs Division at the Senat, the highest legislative body in the Republic of Poland. I have recently been accepted for an internship at the Embassy of the Republic of Poland in Cairo for an internship where I will travel this summer.

(My International Experience)
My vivid interest in the world has led me to organize and participate in a number of trips and expeditions to over 40 countries on five continents. Among others, I sailed to Sweden and Scotland on a tall ship, drove Canada coast to coast, hitch-hiked around Ireland, explored the nature in Venezuela, studied architecture in Morocco and discovered the beauty of Greece and the culture of Turkey. In my travels I search not only for the regular nature or artistic points of interest but also investigated the cultural, social and political factors. My interests and opportunities allowed me to become bilingual in English and Polish and acquire working knowledge of French.

As a committed, thoughtful and hard-working person with an international personality with an array of experiences in the world, seeking knowledge and understanding in the world and genuinely concerned with the state of societies throughout the globe, I believe that I am a good candidate for the Masterâs Program in Peace and Conflict Studies.

Time permitting; I invite you to my personal web site www.nickkozak.com where you can acquaint yourself not only with my professional accomplishments and experience but also with details of my other activities like photography and international travel.

Enclosed you will find my Resume and the application for MA postgraduate program offered by your University.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I eagerly await your decision.

Sincerely,

Nicholas Kozak