ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: please check my essay

TwoClever/Â½ — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 06:07:59 GMT

Dear nona

I've made the changes as recommended. Thank you so much for pointing out the issue with the length of the sentences - it's a bad habit which I need change.

I've split the longer sentences and deleted some text now. Could you please take a look at them if you have time?

Once again, thank you for always checking my essays.

Best wishes

TwoClever/Â½

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My view of public transport in my country

Public transport is our country is patchy, to say the least.

Even in the capital, Ganyon, about 6 million people are serviced by only about 6,000 public buses, most of which are at the end of their functional age. Although there is a rail system, it is so inefficient that most of the people choose to use the jam-packed buses rather than wait for the trains. In rural areas, rail and bus systems are almost non-existent.

For the majority of the people in the country, public transport is the preferred method of travel. One reason for that is the low car ownership due to the exorbitant tariff slapped on all imported cars while we can only produce a couple of thousands vehicles at most a year in the country.

The inefficiency in the transport system is mainly due to the fact that the fares for buses and trains are kept at an artificially low level to appease the masses. The result is a lot elderly buses belching fumes having to whisk around three or four times passengers than that is legally allowed to carry just to cover the cost.

It is generally believed that privatisation of the public transport system and lessening the grip on the absurd fare structure are the keys to strengthening the services and ending the decades long suffering of the people of Burana. Yet, why the authorities responsible fail to act is still a mystery.

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Re: please check my essay

nona the brit — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 14:58:32 GMT

Overall a nice essay. You need to control your sentence length as you are rambling and getting vague. Your other main problem is knowing where it is appropriate to use plurals. Good job though.

about 6 million people. This whole sentence is about three times too long. Break it up.

In rural areas...

For the majority of ....in the country. I would split this into two sentences.

artificially low level - either an artificially low level or artificially low levels

appease the mass = 'the masses'

having to whisk, - again this sentence is too long.

privatisation of the public transport system

failed to act - should be fail to act as you are still hoping they will, this is not entirely a 'past' situation. They should act today!

please check my essay

TwoClever/Â½ — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 05:05:21 GMT

I would really appreciate if anyone could please check the essay below for any errors it may have. FYI, I am doing self-study for Cambridge CAE exam in June so I don't have a tutor to check my writing. So I would glad to have all the help I can get from all of you. Thank you

Question

You have been asked to write an article for your college newspaper entitled My view of public transport in my country. This is part of a series on public transport in different countries, and each article is written not by experts, but by the people who use the services. (250 words)

Answer

My view of public transport in my country

Public transport is our country is patchy, to say the least.

Even in the capital, Ganyon, about 6 millions people are serviced by only about 6,000 public buses, most of which are at the end of their functional age, and a rail system that is so inefficient that most of the people choose to use the jam-packed buses rather than wait for the trains, which may be less crowded but so erratic a schedule they have that even the Station Masters usually do not have a slightest clue when the next one will arrive. In the rural area, rail and bus systems are almost non-existent.

For the majority of the people in the country, public transport is the preferred method of travel as car ownership is extremely low due to the exorbitant tariff slapped on all imported cars while we can only produce a couple of thousands vehicles at most a year in the country.

The inefficiency in the transport system is mainly due to the fact that the fares for buses and trains are kept at artificially low level to appease the mass which results in elderly buses belching fumes have to whisk around three or four times passengers than that is legally allowed to carry to cover the cost and perhaps to make a modest profit.

It is generally believed that privatisation of the public transport systems and lessening the grip on the absurd fare structure are the keys to strengthening the services and ending the decades long suffering of the people of Burana. Yet, why the authorities responsible failed to act is still a mystery to me and a lot of other people.

.....end.....