Re: Please help me to revise the essay. Thanks a lot.

julielai — Tue, 09 May 2006 01:06:45 GMT

Hi Mr. Hung,

I've highlighted your glaring errors. Feel free to correct them and repost.

Hope this helps.

Many people think that it (who is it) should be given unlimited space for artists to create their ideas. However, others consider authorities may regulate the publications (music and films aren't publications) such as music, films, and novels. This essay will look at some of (article) arguments for and against freedom of creation.

It is claimed that people have absolute freedom if they would not interfere with others (possessive) freedom. So artists can free (adv.) express their will on (prep) their performance. Because of that, excellent productions were created with their whole mind. Sometimes, nations will restriction (verb) publications in older (sp.) to achieve their political goals. This will hinder the development of artistic creations. Furthermore, artists might not publish their productions to the society and people would lose chances to appreciate it.

On the other hand, a few people create their productions without ethic consideration. These works are often unacceptable (verb) by common people. Some creations may be full of violence which may affect children if there were no restrictions by authorities. For example, violent TV programs always display in the midnight due to the regulation. Violent films or books might cause the increase of crime rate. These are the disadvantages of no constraints on publications.

From the above arguments, it can be concluded that there may be some reasonable restrictions by government in order to prevent some productions (clarify) which are unacceptable by community standards. Except for this, artists should have the most liberty on their performances and also have the responsibility to educate community by their productions.

Please help me to revise the essay. Thanks a lot.

Jeremyhung — Mon, 08 May 2006 03:48:04 GMT

Please give the suggestions to amend the essay.

Question:

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do.

My essay:

Many people think that it should be given unlimited space for artists to create their ideas. However, others consider authorities may regulate the publications such as music, films, and novels. This essay will look at some of arguments for and against freedom of creation.

It is claimed that people have absolute freedom if they would not interfere with others freedom. So artists can free express their will on their performance. Because of that, excellent productions were created with their whole mind. Sometimes, nations will restriction publications in older to achieve their political goals. This will hinder the development of artistic creations. Furthermore, artists might not publish their productions to the society and people would lose chances to appreciate it.

On the other hand, a few people create their productions without ethic consideration. These works are often unacceptable by common people. Some creations may full of violence which may affect children if there were no restrictions by authorities. For example, violent TV programs always display in the midnight due to the regulation. Violent films or books might cause the increase of crime rate. These are the disadvantages of no constraints on publications.

From the above arguments, it can be concluded that there may be some reasonable restrictions by government in order to prevent some productions which are unacceptable by community. Except this, artists should have the most liberty on their performances and also have the responsibility to educate community by their productions.

ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Please help me to revise the essay. Thanks a lot.

Please help me to revise the essay. Thanks a lot.