Re: Evaluation needed!

Anonymous — Mon, 22 May 2006 02:30:13 GMT

    * She had everything in her anybody would ever desire for

      you don't need the for

    * Had an astounding personalityâ¦

        don't start a sentence with had, it makes a sentence fragment,I don' t think you are using the ellipsis properly. Only use an ellipsis mark, three spaced periods, to indicate that you have deleted material from an otherwise word-for-word quotation.

    *    She had gone thru a tremendous change

through

    * had learnt to be always correct

learned

you need to fix up some of your sentences so it flows better. But I like your writing style, not naming the character makes it mysterious, in a way, It makes you wonder who she is, whats going to happen etc.You did a very good job in making sure people would want to read on!

Evaluation needed!

Anonymous — Fri, 19 May 2006 22:29:09 GMT

Hi,

I've written a short story thru which i intend to know how many mistakes i make while writing, i.e., my vocabulary, grammer.As it's difficult evaluating myself, could anyone evaluate and rate my writing, perhaps on a scale of 1 to 10? Please be critical.

She was working as a General Manager in a multinational company. She had everything in her anybody would ever desire for. Had an astounding personalityâ¦ this look on her faceâ¦ a positive look that would give such an insight into her mindâ¦ She could handle everything on her ownâ¦ come what mayâ¦ she would never be deterredâ¦ Had this thing in her to manage every thing on her ownâ¦ make her own decisions and then eventually letting everyone know how correct she was of having taken themâ¦ more than others, letting the inner person in her know thatâ¦ she never cared a hang about othersâ¦

She was from a typical Indian family with typical middle class values taught to her during her upbringingâ¦ She was some 28 years old nowâ¦And still marriage was not on the cardsâ¦ Her parents had become a little apprehensive and tried to put some sense into her head but to no help. She knew her mind well and right now, all she could think of was her workâ¦

It was not that she had always been this strong. There was a time when she was fragile, so vulnerable that very small things would shake her world. She had fallen in love with this guy some 10 years agoâ¦had loved him heart and soul but it failed and she had sensed that she had portrayed herself as a loserâ¦ She was so concerned about what people would think.

With time, she started learning thingsâ¦ She started looking at things with a different perspectiveâ¦ a positive oneâ¦

She worked hard and reached that place where she had always wanted to beâ¦ And the source of her inspiration was none other than the guy who she was in love with... probably she still wasâ¦

She had gone thru a tremendous changeâ¦ She had become a strong person and had learnt to be always correctâ¦ She couldnât love anyone againâ¦ for that place in her heart was reserved for someone who probably didnât ever remember herâ¦

These days she was working and workingâ¦ had made herself involved in a very grueling scheduleâ¦ and of course, trying to evade the pressure that her parents were putting on her for getting married, as she was their elder daughter and their younger one was now 23â¦ She knew she could deal with that too. She was satisfied but was certainly not happy. Quite contradicting, but that was the truth. Deep down inside her, she knew there was something missing but couldnât do anything.

She had to go to Sydney for a meeting that she had to attend toâ¦ She was used to such kind of tours as they were the part of her professional lifeâ¦

Little did she know, there was something written in her destiny that would change her entire life, ironically once againâ¦

Thanks.

ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Evaluation needed!

Evaluation needed!