Re: Proofread please 608 words

YoHf — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 19:22:16 GMT

612 words, actually.

Proofread please 608 words

Voodoomagik — Sun, 11 Jun 2006 20:40:45 GMT

This is a narrative essay for class. Please proofread and let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions or find mechanical errors.

    Since I received my first car 2 years earlier than my experience, I had been a particularly fast driver. I do not believer there are many young boys who aren't the same way. After all, it is the "American Dream." However, I do believe not many young boys receive the "American Enlightenment."
   It was about 1:00 in the afternoon, if my memory recalls correctly. My friend, James, called me asking whether or not I wanted to come out and play soccer with him and some other friends of ours. Just as it always is in Winona, Mississippi it was very hot outside. However, just how there is never anything to do Winona, Mississippi, I was very bored. After weighing my options of very hot and very bored, I chose very hot. James told me to head out, we would be playing at Clay's house.
   When I arrived at Clay's house, with my soccer cleats in my hand, I was ready. Only to my disdain did I find all the players sitting on the porch complaining that it was "too hot" and there "weren't enough people to play a game with." However, this problem was solved as I spoke the words: "Let's get Armando."
   James, Clay, Deli, and I piled into my car and began our great journey to get Armando.
   Well, Armando had just moved to Winona from Mexico. He didn't speak a whole lot of English and none of us knew where he lived. I had heard that he lived on Rollercoaster Road, but I didn't know where that was either. We thought my cousin, Kyle, might know where Armando lived, because he used to play soccer with him on the soccer team at school. He didn't. However, he did know where Rollercoaster Road was and said he would take us to it.
   After following Kyle to Rollercoaster Road, we arrived at a house. Coming down the driveway of the house was a huge van filled with people. There were no other houses around so we assumed that Armando must live here, and that must be his family. We stopped the van and asked if Armando was home and if so, could he come play soccer with us.
   "I think he is gone to the Wal-Mart," answered a middle aged Mexican man.
   However, alas, our hopes were not yet ruined. Rollercoaster Road was given the name of rollercoaster for a reason! We decided that we would go down this very unstable gravel road with speed only able to be surpassed by someone who dared to go faster than we!
   As we went down the hills, hitting the twist and turns, we continued to pick up speed. There was an ocean of smoke behind my car as I continued to go faster. Towards the end of the road the car began to lose grip to the ground and swerve from side to side, uncontrollably. Without remembering we were on a gravel road, I panicked and dropped my foot as it were a brick onto the break. The car began to spin and eventually left the road. After leaving the road, the car smashed into an abnormally big metal fence. Those of us in the car had nothing to say, our silence expressed the fear we had endured.
   The side of my car was messed up, but nothing major. My car now looks just as it did before the wreck, except for the "Fender Guitars" bumper sticker that was removed when I hit the fence. Even though my car looks the same and feels the same, I will never drive it the same. However, all in all, I guess it was somewhat fun.

ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Proofread please 608 words

Proofread please 608 words