http://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htmPost your essay, short story or composition here. Review, comment, or just read for fun.enXMOD (Build: 3715.30106)http://www.englishforums.com/English/GiveMeFeedbackPlease/dzzwg/post.htm#277702Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:50:02 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:277702Anonymous0http://www.englishforums.com/English/GiveMeFeedbackPlease/dzzwg/post.htm#277702http://www.englishforums.com/English/comments9-277702.xmlThanks! This is my 2nd essay for ENG101. I am really struggling with this one though. I really like the beginning of the observational essay, but I'm not happy with the rest. If you have any other suggestions on how to make it better I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks again!http://www.englishforums.com/English/GiveMeFeedbackPlease/dzzwg/post.htm#276871Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:50:02 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:276871Mister Micawber1http://www.englishforums.com/English/GiveMeFeedbackPlease/dzzwg/post.htm#276871http://www.englishforums.com/English/comments9-276871.xmlNo city noise -- add a comma About 100 feet away, -- no comma are rows upon rows of vehicles ,-- no comma In front of the vehicles, -- no comma Off in the distance, -- no comma spreading from your left and A ten foot high hay stack ,-- no comma shaped like a pyramid , -- no comma swarming bees on honey. -- bees don't swarm on honey; they swarm on the queen or on the comb. picked his self up -- himself a hay pit, a bunch of loose hay surrounded by small bales of hay .-- three hay s in a row: very boring; rephrase over the hay bale barrier and landing in the soft hay .-- two more hay s; time to find a new word T he family grows vegetables, fruits, and flowers, and raises beef cattle One of the five greenhouses d ead -...http://www.englishforums.com/English/GiveMeFeedbackPlease/dzzwg/post.htmMon, 22 Jun 2009 07:50:02 GMT946f00bb-57d3-4b7b-a9a2-059b5341af52:276715Anonymous2http://www.englishforums.com/English/GiveMeFeedbackPlease/dzzwg/post.htmhttp://www.englishforums.com/English/comments9-276715.xmlGallrein Farms There is a small, unassuming sign on the right side of the road that tells you this is the place, turn here. For half a mile there is nothing but grass, sky, and a paved lane. No city noise just country quiet. After driving over a small rise, straight ahead: civilization! About 100 feet away, are rows upon rows of vehicles, parked in the grass on the left side of the lane. In front of the vehicles, is a fairly large fenced off area that contains animals. In behind the kennel is what appears to be a greenhouse. To the right of the greenhouse is a building, which I later found out is the Produce Market. Off in the distance, there is a corn field spreading from your left circling around behind the market. Even before I...