ESL Essay, Writing World

read it care fully.ok

Anonymous — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:38:29 GMT

Dear,my name is SHARIQ AHMED and i want to say some thing about ur essay,which is very important.ok

You do the best of ur but one thing remember keep in ur mind n that is the ideas about topic, those you going to write.ok, now always give the optimist ideas about the topic. i mean write in a general way,otherwise ur communication is spoiled, try it that dont repeat ur sentences in every para.you should use the linking word in ur essay that help you to tranfer ur ideas in your text.that all, i have to say that for it.thx

Re: Would you please comment my essay?

Doll — Tue, 15 May 2007 13:08:23 GMT

There is no doubt that we are moving toward a ~~global culture~~ west-dominated global culture trough ~~entertainment imported~~ foreign-made entertainment TV programmes by which the local culture in many countries has become more and more affected.

The first reason of importing foreign-made TV programmes for the most TV companies is diversity. In order to attract more TV-viewers they need a variety of programmes for all ranges of the society .

Secondly, it is obvious that in many countries ~~and~~ due to limited resources such as skills, technology and funds it is not always possible to produce locally. In addition to that, foreign programmes could be inappropriate in many cases for the local and regional culture of the country and values of the society could greatly be affected, bringing new lifestyle vision which is widely different and inappropriate. Children and youngsters are the most vulnerable (vulnerable what?), and that (what is that?) would be seen in the change of their behaviour. Breaking local cultural rules could be disastrous; a very simple example today is the notion of family has become of a less interest for an increasing number of people who look to be more independent than before, resulted in more single, single parents and increasing rate of divorce more than ever before.

Finally, the point that could not be ignored is, importing more and more TV programmes leads to a very serious lack in skilled and talented individuals~~; this~~ which may kill local production instead of encouraging it. Talented individuals are more likely to leave the country and become less motivated or change completely their careers. TV companies have become more consumers( have become more consumers? I didn't understand) than producers and by importing more programmes they increase costs which result in less (less what?) or put them out of competition (People switch to other foreign TV Channels).(I didn't understand the last sentence)

To resume, I believe there is a necessity in importing some selected TV programmes that could be beneficial like scientific or educational ones. Encouraging local producers and talents should be the priority.

I have tried to do some corrections. As for comments, I didn't like your introductory paragraph.You don't tell us what you are going to discuss. Sentences starting with there is no doubt.. and the first reason... should be in a single paragraph.

Re: Would you please comment my essay?

Makhlouffe — Mon, 14 May 2007 23:35:47 GMT

Thank you very much for checking (Vocabulary, words repetition, grammar, links, punctuation,

text fomating [paragraphs separation], logical ideas order).

Re: Would you please comment my essay?

Doll — Mon, 14 May 2007 22:52:45 GMT

Hi , I don't know the strategies about that kind of essay but I will try to have a look it tomorrow.

Re: Would you please comment my essay?

Anonymous — Mon, 14 May 2007 09:15:19 GMT

Hi Doll,

I am preparing for the IELTS (International English Language Testing System) test which will be by the end of the week. Writing is an important part of the exam, we may be given any topic (Food, Weather, ... ). We should write at least 250words and 4 paragraphs (Introduction: introduce the main idea briefly; Parag.Â°1,Â°2 and/or Â°3 discuss the Advantages/Disadvantages or Negative/Positives aspects of the subject. At the end, in the conclusion we give personal opinion if asked (Like: in what extend do you agree/disegree) or a general idea. Doesn't matter whether the opinion is 100% realistic or not at all as soon as the text is grammatically, logicaly ( Linkage through paragraphs) correct.

I tried myself to correct the original text I wrote, so I posted here (in my first response to you) a second version.

Thank you for any comment..

Re: Would you please comment my essay?

Anonymous — Sun, 13 May 2007 23:21:13 GMT

Hi Doll,

I am very pleased that you read my post (If it's correct to say it). We have been asked by teacher to write an essay about the subject: " Showing foreign-made programmes is harmful for many countries. In what extend do you agree or disagree? "

The question is formulated as below:

In many countries television shows many foreign-made programmes. The dominance of imported entertainment is harmful to the cultures of these countries. To what extend do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

In the text below I tried to give advantages and disadvantages and I gave my opinion at the end. I would be very pleased if you could give any comment, correct and/or modify any part in order to improve the language, put variety of vocabulary as much as possible or just give an more realistic opinion.

---------------------------------- This the text ----------------------------------------------

There is no doubt that we are moving toward a global culture west-dominated, trough entertainment imported foreign-made TV programmes the local culture in many countries has become more and more affected.

The first reason of importing foreign-made TV programmes for the most TV companies is diversity. In order to attract more TV-viewers they need a variety of programmes for all ranges of the society (Children, Adult, Old people, Women and Men, â¦ ).

Secondly, it is obvious that in many countries and due to limited resources (Skills, Technology and/or funds) it is not always possible to produce locally in addition to that, foreign programmes, could be inappropriate, in many cases, for the local and / or regional culture of the country, values of the society could greatly affected, bringing new lifestyle vision widely different and inappropriate. Children and youngster are the most vulnerable, and that would be seen in the change of their behaviour. Breaking local cultural rules could be disastrous; a very simple example today is the notion of family has become of a less interest for an increasing number of people who look to be more independent than before, resulted in more single, single parents and increasing rate of divorce more than ever before.

Finally, the point that could not be ignored is, importing more and more TV programmes leads to a very serious lack in skilled and talented individuals; this may kill local production instead of encouraging it. Talented individuals are more likely to leave the country, become less motivated or change completely their careers. TV companies have become more consumers than producers and by importing more programmes they increase costs which result in less or put them out of competition (People switch to other foreign TV Channels).

---------------------------------- End ----------------------------------------------

Thank you.

Re: Would you please comment my essay?

Doll — Sun, 13 May 2007 19:43:43 GMT

First of all, tell us what kind of an essay this will be.

Would you please comment my essay?

Anonymous — Thu, 10 May 2007 18:47:11 GMT

We have been given an essay with the topic as below:

In below I tried to give what are the advantages and the disadvantages and I gave my opinion at the end.

Would you please, anyone who could have time to correct and/or comment my essay. I had also the difficulty to separate paragraphs and put comma`,` ponctuation where necessary.

I would be also very grateful if make any comment regarding this issue...

Thanks to all of you (Sorry if my english is too good to express this Idea)

-------------------------------------- Essay --------------------------------------

There is no doubt that we are moving toward a global culture west dominated, trough entertainment imported TV programs the local culture on many countries has become more and more affected.

The first reason of the importing TV programs for the most TV companies is diversity. In order to attract more TV-viewers they have to have a variety of programs for all ranges of the society (Children, Adult, Old people, Women and Men, â¦ ).

Secondly, it is obvious that in many countries and due to limited resources (Skills, Technology and/or funds) it is not always possible to produce locally in addition to that, foreign program could not be appropriate for local and / or regional culture of the country, values of the society could affected greatly, bringing new lifestyle vision widely different and inappropriate to the local population. Children and youngster could be the most vulnerable, and that would be seen in the change of their behaviour. Breaking local cultural rules could be disastrous. A very simple example today is the notion of family has become of less interest for more individuals who look to be more independent than before, resulted in more single, single parent and increasing rate of divorce more than ever before.

Finally, the point that could not be ignored is importing more and more TV programs leads to a very serious lack in skilled and talented individuals; this could kill local production instead of encouraging it. Talented individuals are more likely to leave the country, become less motivated or change completely their careers. TV companies have become more consumers than producers and importing more programs they increase costs which result in less of put them competition (People switch to other foreign TV Channels).

To resume, I believe there is a necessity in importing some selected TV programs that could be beneficial like scientific or educational ones. Encouraging local producers and talent individuals should be the priority.

----------------------------------------- End ----------------------------------------------------