ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Edit my paragraphs!!! Urgent!!!!

julielai — Sun, 20 May 2007 20:40:18 GMT

I lost the picture of the original cheerleader, so I googled up this one.

The signature comes from a Chinese poem.

Battle of the Red Cliff by Su Tung Po

The Yangtze flows east
Washing away
A thousand ages of great men
West of the ramparts â
People say â
Are the fabled Red Cliffs of young Chou of the Three Kingdoms
Rebellious rocks pierce the sky
Frightening waves rip the bank
The backwash churns vast snowy swells â
River and mountains like a painting
how many heroes passed them, onceâ¦

Think back to those years, Chou Yu â
Just married to the younger Chiao â
Brave, brilliant
With plumed fan, silk kerchief
Laughed and talked
While masts and oars vanished to flying ash and smoke!
I roam through ancient realms
Absurdly moved
Turn gray too soon â
A man's life passes like a dream â
Pour out a cup then, to the river, and the moon
Source: http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/26084-Su-Tung-po-Battle-of-Red-Cliff

Re: Edit my paragraphs!!! Urgent!!!!

Anonymous — Sun, 20 May 2007 19:16:57 GMT

Dear Julie,

I have been contemplating what ''Yantze ......washing out of thoushand geat men' does mean.

You had changed the cheerleading icon which was great if you knew from my side, but you did not that signature.. mmmm, wondering why.

Re: Edit my paragraphs!!! Urgent!!!!

julielai — Thu, 17 May 2007 13:53:49 GMT

Anonymous wrote:

I discovered my passion for social action last year, after watching a film in my Contemporary World Problems class about the genocide that is taking place in Darfur. Since my grandparents were Holocaust survivors, I wondered how I could remain silent in ~~the~~ face of such a tragedy, so I took it upon myself to provide adults and students with knowledge of (odd) this crisis . Contemplating the enormity of the problem might cause some people to give up on it. But I'm not content to do nothing. In the words of Nobel Prize winner Elie Wiesel, who is a Holocaust survivor like my own grandparents: âBecause I remember, I despair. Because I remember, I have the duty to reject despair.â

One of the people who inspired me the most is Shana Greenstien, my language arts teacher in 10^th and 11^th grade. She provided me with the strength, and support that got me through some tough times. Another person whom Iâve always admired is Eli Wiesel ~~( as stated in the paragraph above~~). (What does this have to do with the first paragraph)

The Frank Garmo Award recognizes American citizens who choose to implement a positive change in their community through the means of educating others about domestic and international issues that concern humanity. This award demonstrates that there are still people who are not complacent and apathetic (need a preposition) the current situation (be specific) in the world. I am honored to be on the same scale (sounds like you think a little too well of yourself) as these couragous individuals. (What does this have to do with the other paragraphs?)

Edit my paragraphs!!! Urgent!!!!

Anonymous — Thu, 17 May 2007 05:22:38 GMT

I discovered my passion for social action last year, after watching a film in my Contemporary World Problems about the genocide that is taking place in Darfur. Since my grandparents were Holocaust survivors, I wondered how I could remain silent in the face of such a tragedy, so I took it upon myself to provide adults and students with knowledge of this crisis . Contemplating the enormity of Darfur might cause some people to despair and consequently do nothing. I'm not content to do nothing. In the words of Nobel Prize winner Elie Wiesel, a Holocaust survivor like my own grandparents, âBecause I remember, I despair. Because I remember, I have the duty to reject despair.â

One of the people that inspired me the most is Shana Greenstien who was my language arts teacher in 10^th and 11^th grade. She provided me with the strength, and support that got me through some tough times. Another person whom Iâve always admired is Eli Wiesel ( as stated in the paragraph above).

The Frank Garmo Award recognizes American citizens that chose to implement a positive change in their community through the means of educating others about domestic and international issues that concern humanity. This award demonstrates that there are still people that are not complacent and apathetic the current situation in the world. I am honored to be on the same scale as these couragous individuals.