Re: Please help me to check & correct my language. Thanks

Feebs11 — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 00:39:54 GMT

Kyusuke_FD3S wrote:
As the Engineering Club of ABC College, we would like to extend our warmest welcome to the new engineering students from the June 2007 intake by organizing a Welcoming Party. The event is meant to give the students as well as the lecturers a better [intended to allow both lecturers and students an ] opportunity to get to know the new students better and vice versa. ~~The event also aims to create an informal atmosphere in which the students will feel comfortable and at ease outside of the classroom to socialize with everyone.~~

2. The party will be on the Thursday 28^th of June from 5p.m. onwards and it will be held in the College Hall. There will be a session of icebreaking activities from 5p.m. to 6p.m., after which we will have dinner served by a caterer.

3. We have decided to get catering services from AAA Restaurant. We estimate that there will be around 40 old students and 7 new students. Including lecturers, it would make approximately 60 people. The cost, including transportation of the food, is quoted to be around RM940 for 60 persons.

4. Of course, we will be charging the current students and lecturers, but the new students will be ~~invited to come for free~~.[our guests, and will not be charged for their attendance] Therefore we would like to ask the college for a sponsorship about RM400. If ~~our~~ this request is granted, we would only have to charge the students ~~a reasonable~~ RM10 to RM13.

We urge the college to consider our request, for the collegeâs assistance would be greatly appreciated. We hope that together we can make this event a great success! Lastly we would also like to invite you to join us at our welcoming party.[This seems to say yuou are inviting the whole college - I think you need to rethink it] Thank You.

Please help me to check & correct my language. Thanks

Kyusuke_FD3S — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 15:48:06 GMT

As the Engineering Club of ABC College, we would like to extend our warmest welcome to the new engineering students from the June 2007 intake by organizing a Welcoming Party. The event is meant to give the students as well as the lecturers a better opportunity to get to know the new students better and vice versa. The event also aims to create an informal atmosphere in which the students will feel comfortable and at ease outside of the classroom to socialize with everyone.

2. The party will be on the Thursday 28^th of June from 5p.m. onwards and it will be held in the College Hall. There will be a session of icebreaking activities from 5p.m. to 6p.m. After which we will have dinner served by a caterer.

3. We have decided to get catering services from AAA Restaurant. We estimate that there will be around 40 old students and 7 new students. Including lecturers, it would make approximately 60 people. The cost, including transportation of the food, is quoted to be around RM940 for 60 persons.

4. Of course, we will be charging the current students and lecturers, but the new students will be invited to come for free. Therefore we would like to ask the college for a sponsorship about RM400. If our request is granted, we would only have to charge the students a reasonable RM10 to RM13.

We urge the college to consider our request, for the collegeâs assistance would be greatly appreciated. We hope that together we can make this event a great success! Lastly we would also like to invite you to join us at our welcoming party. Thank You.

ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Please help me to check & correct my language. Thanks

Please help me to check & correct my language. Thanks