ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Could some one help we correct my motivation letter

Mister Micawber — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 23:00:34 GMT

I think you have done very well, Sandura. You might try adding a 'because' clause at the end to explain why you have chosen Tweenty University in particular. And a final short paragraph (sentence) thanking the reader for his/her time and consideration.

Re: Could some one help we correct my motivation letter

Anonymous — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 14:34:26 GMT

Thank you for the corrections, very much appreciated.

I would like to know tho ince this is my first time writting one of these letters

if i got everything right. That is is the stucture correct or is there any information that

i have left out.

Thankyou

Re: Could some one help we correct my motivation letter

Mister Micawber — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 14:18:23 GMT

Dear Registrar [or name of addressee if possible]:

I am a 22-year-old Zimbabwean citizen who is applying for an MSc in Information Technology. I currently hold a BSc degree with a double major in Computer Science and Mathematics. This is my formal motivation letter for my application.

I am a Zimbabwean national, but I currently reside in Namibia. I obtained my BSc here in Windhoek, Namibia, at the University of Namibia.

I have always had a desire to help those less fortunate than I am, because I too came from humble beginnings. During my university career, I was involved in a variety of charity projects, one of which was as a Physically Active Youth (P.A.Y.) volunteer, participating as an after-school teacher for underprivileged children. These were high school students that needed help, as they could not afford tutors, and the teachers at their schools were already overburdened. I taught mainly science subjects-- mostly mathematics and physical science.

It was these children that created the motivation for my final year project. As a degree requirement, I created an educational system that would allow school children to study for their examinations, take tests, and view examination results, all within the system. The system was briefly implemented for testing purposes and later removed; however, in that short space of time, the system received strong positive feedback from the test students. Currently there are not enough resources to permanently implement this system, but in it remains one of my aspirations to see it fully operational one day.

I graduated from university in November 2006. My main focus was computer science, where my greatest interest lay. I then decided that I wanted to take all the knowledge I had gathered in university and put it into practice. The perfect opportunity for me then arose: I was employed as a junior Systems Analyst/Developer for Sovereign IT, a small information technology firm in Namibia. I became part of the team contracted by the Ministry of Gender Equality and Child Welfare (MGECW) of Namibia to build the Namibia National Orphan or Vulnerable Children (OVC) database system. The main objective was to use technology to build a system enabling OVC to receive assistance in the form of donor grants in a simple way and to supply information for all the social workers, such as statistics on the OVC. This project began on 8January 2007 and is set to end on 31 August 2007.

The system itself is a web-based database system. I participated in the all areas of the software development cycle. This has been a very interesting experience for me. It has made me realize how unfortunate some people really are, and it has also made it apparent that with the aid of technology, some of the deprivations that people experience can be easily overcome. I would like to be at the forefront of developing and implementing new projects that use technology to help alleviate the problems we face here, not only in Namibia but also in Africa as a whole.

I feel that technology is the way of the future. Technology can help the underdeveloped to develop. Technology is the aid that will help Africa move into the next century, when all our problems will be but a distant memory. I hope to be a pioneer in helping to achieve this goal. I know that currently my knowledge of the computing world and the industry as a whole is still very limited. I would like to be an innovator, but this requires a truly in-depth understanding of the subject. Therefore, my goal now is to expand my knowledge even further by obtaining a master's degree in Information Technology, and I would like very much to accomplish this at your institution.

Could some one help we correct my motivation letter

Anonymous — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 11:56:03 GMT

My name is Sandura Shumba, I am a Zimbabwean Nationaly but currently reside in Namibia, Africa.

I want to apply for a M.sc at Tweenty University in Holland. Icurrently have a B.sc.

They wold like me to write a Motivation letter for why it is i want to study that. I have written a draft and am wondering

if anyone can help me correct it or any suggestiont that you might have.

Thankyou

To Whom It May Concern

I am a 22 year old Zimbabwean citizen who is applying for an M.sc in Information Technology. I currently have a B.sc with a double major in Computer Science and Mathematics. This serves as my formal motivation letter for my application.

I am a Zimbabwean national but I currently reside in Namibia. I obtained my B.sc degree here in Windhoek, Namibia. That is at the University of Namibia.

I have always had a desire to help those less fortunate than I. This stems from the fact that I too came from humble beginnings. As a result during my University career I was involved in a variety of charity projects. One of which was Physically Active Youth (P.A.Y) volunteer. As a volunteer, I participated as an after school teacher to the underprivileged children. These where high school children that needed help as they could not afford tutors and most teachers at their schools where already overburdened with students. I taught mainly science subjects but mostly Mathematics and Physical science.

It was these children that formed as the motivation behind my Final year project. As requirement to obtaining a degree each as an individual where suppose to create a project. I created an educational system that would allow school children to take tests, view examination results and actually study for their examinations all on the system. The system was shortly implemented for testing purposes and later removed. However in this short space of time the system received positive feedback from the test students. Currently there are not enough resources to implement this system but in it remains one of my aspirations to see this system fully implemented

I graduated from University in November 2006. My main focus was computer science as this is where my greatest interest lay. I then decided I wanted to take all the information I had gathered in University in put it into practice. The perfect opportunity for me then arose. I was employed as a junior System Analyst\Developer for Sovereign I.T. This is a small Information Technology firm in Namibia. I was part of the team that was contracted by the Ministry of Gender Equality and Child Welfare (MGECW) of Namibia to build the Namibia National Orphan or Vulnerable Children (OVC) database system. The main objective was to use technology to build a system that will enable OVC to receive assistance in the form of grants from donors in a simply way. In addition, for all the social workers to receive information, such as statistics on the OVC. This project began on 8^th of January 2007 and is set to end on 31 August 2007.

The system itself was a web-based database system. I participated in the all areas of the Software Development Lifecycle. This is a very interesting experience for me. It had made me realize how unfortunate some people really are. However, it has also made me see that with technology as the aid some of the short comings that people experience can be easily overcome. I would like to be at the forefront of developing and implementing new projects that use technology to help alleviate the problems we face here in not only Namibia but Africa as a whole.

I feel technology is the way of the future. Technology can help the under-developed to become developed. Technology is the aid that will help Africa move into the next century where all our problems will be but a distant memory. I hope to be a pioneer in helping to achieve this goal. I believe that currently my knowledge of the computing world and the industry as a whole is still very limited. I would like to be an innovator but this requires a truly in-depth understanding of the subject. My goal thus to now expand my knowledge even further by obtaining a masters degree in Information Technology