ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Need your correction

Sadeem — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:58:55 GMT

HI AGAIN

i'm deeply sorry waalhi i never mean that i just try to summerize it

Re: Need your correction

nona the brit — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 14:59:43 GMT

You've completely ignored the instructions. It doesn't ask you to describe tourism in your country, or to define tourism, or to discuss the economy of your country, or why people like to go on holiday etc etc etc. None of your essay is answering the set question.

It says to pick one tourist site in your country and write an essay about it. A tourist site is a single place that tourists like to visit. In your essay you are just listing several sites (as well as all the totally irrelevant stuff).

I was a bit concerned when you said that you 'got this from tourist sites'. I googled and found that you just copied and pasted a lot of information from websites on Saudi Arabia. How do you expect to learn and improve your English if you just copy down what has been written by someone else? If you have to hand this in as a course assignment then copying in this way is called plagiarism and it is a serious offence. People get thrown out of their schools, or get their qualifications taken away for doing this, as it is cheating. If we can spot you are cheating then your school certainly will.

Also, why should we waste our time trying to help someone improve their English if they are too lazy to do their own work in the first place? You don't spend any time writing your essay yet you expect us to spend our time correcting someone else's work for you to claim it as your own? Outrageous! It really puts me off answering any more of your queries.

So stop cheating, stop wasting our time, write your own essays!

To help you out this time (although you don't deserve it)

Write an essay about your chosen site with four paragraphs - one introductory paragraph and then three topic paragraphs. (Each topic paragraph should discuss one element of the tourist site).

For example, I could pick the Tower of London.

Introduction paragraph - The TOW is a popular site with tourists as it is a very historic building, houses the crown jewels, and the Yeoman Warders -who are more famously known as the 'Beefeaters' - lead informative and often very funny tours.

Topic para 1 - historical information

Topic para 2 - information on the crown jewels

Topic para 3 - information on the Beefeaters and their tours.

Re: Need your correction

Anonymous — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 19:22:21 GMT

it seems good to me

Re: Need your correction

Sadeem — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 21:26:40 GMT

thanks dear for your reply

actually i got it from tourist sites

still i neeeeeeeeed your help

Re: Need your correction

julielai — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 13:46:42 GMT

This doesn't read like a descriptive essay to me. Pick a tourist site and describe it.

Need your correction

Sadeem — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 05:53:11 GMT

hi ;

i want you to correct my essay after reading the question please

DESCRIPTIVE ESSAY WRITING ASSIGNMENT 1:

Write an essay describing a tourist sight in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Select three important aspects to write about. Follow the steps of the writing process.

PART A:

Plan your essay before you write by filling in the following chart. (1 point)

Thesis statement

Topic sentence 1

Topic sentence 2

Topic sentence 3

PART B:

Write your essay here. Make sure each topic sentence is developed in one body paragraph and supported by details. Use transitions to connect your ideas. Edit your essay when done.

Here is My writing:

The World Tourism Organization defines tourists as people who "travel to and stay in places outside their usual environment for not more than one consecutive year for leisure, business

and other purposes not related to the exercise of an activity remunerated from within the place visited".The United Nations classified three forms of tourism in 1994 in its Recommendations on Tourism Statistics: Domestic tourism, which involves residents of the given country traveling only within this country; Inbound tourism, involving non-residents traveling in the given country; and Outbound tourism, involving residents

traveling in another country. Wealthy people have always traveled to distant parts of the world to see great buildings or other works of art, to learn new languages or to experience new cultures.

Saudi Arabia has a number of tourist areas visited by a large number of citizens for recreation

during there leisure time.

Through domestic tourism, citizens who come to know their country, including the tourist areas, the habit, the traditions and the architectural styles which distinguish each area. A tourist area is one which draws the visitor to its places of interest and beauty whether man-made or natural.

Tourist areas:Coastal areas: These are areas which have sea fronts such as Jeddah in the Western Region and Dammam and Alkhobar in the East. Areas of natural beauty: such as Taif, Al Baha and Abha. Historical sites: such as Mada'in Salih in Diriyah which are renown for thier antiquity.

While the sights of Saudi Arabia are renowned the world over, it is important to remember that Islamic places of worship and pilgrimage are closed to non-Muslims. In fact, a 25km radius to Mecca and Madinah is cordoned off and is strictly for Muslim pilgrims only.

Mecca is Islam's holiest city and all devout Muslims dream of coming here at least once in their lifetime. This journey is a pilgrimage and it is called "Hajj". In the centre of the city is the Grand Mosque with the sacred Well of Zamzam beside it. The Kaaba to which all Muslims turn when they pray is in the central courtyard of the Grand Mosque and, according to Islamic tradition, the first prophet Abraham and his son Ishmael built it. Madinah is the holiest city in Islam after Mecca and was in fact the first to accept Prophet Mohammedâs message. The Prophet fled to Madinah, erstwhile Yathrib, from Mecca in 622 AD. The Islamic calendar starts from His flight.

The most important place in the city is the Prophet's Mosque that contains His burial place. Everything of historical or religious significance within the precincts is forbidden to non-Muslims, although the outskirts of the city and the airport are open to all.

If you are in Saudi Arabia as a tourist, ramble in the Masmak Fortress in the center of Riyadh, feel the ambience of Jeddah with its houses built of coral in the old section and shop at the souq; tour the ruined city of Dirâaiyah, just outside Riyadh; browse through the museum at Dhahran and visit the largest archaeological digs in this part of the world at Madain Salah. You have to get a site permit for every single site that you visit such as forts, ruins or an archaeological site.

The Department of Antiquities office at the Riyadh Museum issues all permits. Permits for the Eastern Province outside the Al-Hasa oasis can also be obtained from the Regional museum of Archaeology and Ethnography in Dammam. For something different and slightly off the beaten track, shop for Bedouin jewellery at Najran and take in the spectacular mountain scenery of Abha.

The Kingdom is sometimes called "The Lands of The Two Holy Mosques" in reference to Mecca and Medina, the two holiest places in Islam. Saudi Arabia is the world's leading petroleum exporter and petroleum exports fuel the Saudi economy.Oil accounts for more than 90 percent of exports and nearly 75 percent of government revenues, facilitating the creation of a welfare state, which the government has found difficult to fund during periods of low oil prices.