ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: A tactful letter--> I need corrections :-( Help me, please!

MrPedantic — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 22:11:08 GMT

Anonymous wrote:
Hello MrP, it is just an exercise, I would really take professional advice before threatening anyone!

That's a relief. I envisaged a vexed landlord turning up with a baseball bat.

(Expensive...)

MrP

Re: A tactful letter--> I need corrections :-( Help me, please!

Feebs11 — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 12:01:48 GMT

Dear Mr Smith,

Having been your tenant for seven months, I have been prompted to express my dissatisfaction with the quality of the devices and the systems in the flat of Boxing Road nowadays.

[I have been the tenant of Flat ***, Boxing Road, for seven months, and would like to raise with you some of the problems I have encountered with it]

Firstly I would like to focus on the main problem. The gas cooker is old and leaks gas that could make the flat to explode or just poison me during the night. I am sure you knew nothing about this issue; taking that into account I must insist on a cooker change as soon as possible. Moreover, the two rings in the cooker are not enough when cooking for guests so I would be pleased if the new cooker had four rings. Besides, I have to add that the oven does not close properly and that the cleaning assistants never clean the kitchen. Maybe, if you were able to speak with them this small problem would be solved.

[Firstly, the gas cooker. This is leaking gas. I am sure you were not aware of this, but I would ask that you replace it before there is an explosion or I am poisoned. A larger cooker would better. I would also like to bring to your attention that the cleaners have not been cleaning in the kitchen. Maybe, if you were able to speak with them this small problem would be solved.]

Secondly, I would like to highlight that ~~the heating is not enough since~~ there are not enough electric fires. ~~The temperature during the autumn was a bit cold, although enough for the autumn. However,~~ I am afraid that the heating will not be enough for the long winter, which is starting soon.

To conclude, I feel that for overcome the temperature problem there are two more primary problems: the windows and the panes. The first ones do not shut properly as well as the door so I recommend that they be changed. The latter are completely broken so I would advice double-glazing instead of the change in the electric fires.

[Finally, I would like to point out that the doors and windows do not fit properly and as a result heat is lost. Also, the window panes are cracked and need replacing. I would like to suggest you install double-glazing which will help on the heating problem.]

I must ask you to take into consideration these ~~advices~~ suggestions since they would highly improve the quality of your flat. ~~Otherwise, I will have to do some changes by myself instead of paying for the rent.~~ If you are not able to do any of these, I will be forced to ask for a rent review.

Yours sincerely,

Ana GalÃ¡n.

"Rent review" - you go to the local council and ask them to investigate the property and set a revised rent.

Re: A tactful letter--> I need corrections :-( Help me, please!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 09:39:06 GMT

Hello MrP, it is just an exercise, I would really take professional advice before threatening anyone! But I fail my writing exam and I need to do some corrections in my writing. They told me I am not tactful enough.. since in my mother tongue nobody is, I find this part tough so because of that I decided to write a bit and see if somebody could help me, on purpose thank you!

Re: A tactful letter--> I need corrections :-( Help me, please!

whl626 — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 01:03:21 GMT

Anonymous wrote:

Is this part allright? Or, did you make a mistake when checking my writing?

"You ought to take into consideration Â¿of?? my advices "

I have some questions. First, you changed "focus on" by "talk about" but I don't understand why the second one is better. The sentence is: "Firstly. I would like to talk about the main problem."

Then I wrote "The gas cooker is old and leaks gas" and you added "it often leaks", can't I omit the second subject as it is the same for both verbs?

"Secondly, I would like to highlight that the heating system is not strong enough as the temperature.." could I use since instead of as in this sentence?

Finally, I had written ""since they would highly improve the quality of your flat" instead of yours "as it is for your own good".. is it not more formal my sentence? why is it wrong?

Thank you!

Well, it is for your reference. Changing words or the pattern of writing doesn't mean you are wrong in any way.

Re: A tactful letter--> I need corrections :-( Help me, please!

MrPedantic — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 23:50:16 GMT

Hello Anon,

Could I ask whether this is a real situation, or simply an exercise?

(I ask because, if the former, you would do well to take professional advice before threatening to withhold rent, etc.)

MrP

Re: A tactful letter--> I need corrections :-( Help me, please!

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 22:20:54 GMT

Here are my suggestions/modifications --

Having been your tenant for seven months, I have been prompted to express my dissatisfaction with the quality of the devices and the systems in the flat along Boxing Road.

Firstly I would like to highlight the main problem. The gas cooker, which is old and leaks gas, could make the flat unsafe to live in. The flat could explode at any time or I could suffer by gas poisoning during the night. Well, you may not know about it, I must insist on a cooker replacement as soon as possible. Moreover, the two rings in the cooker are not enough when cooking so I would suggest you install a new cooker with four rings. Besides the cooker, the oven does not close properly and the cleaning assistants never clean the kitchen. Maybe, if you could speak with them, this small problem would be solved.

Secondly-Heating system is not strong enough due to lack electric fires. Although, the enough for autumn, I am afraid, it will not be enough for the long winter, which is starting very soon.

In order to control the room temperature, I suggest you rectify the problems associated with windows and the panes. The windows do not close properly so I recommend that they be changed. The panes are completely broken so I would advice double-glazing instead of the change in the electric fires.

I request you to take into consideration the problem I have been suffering and suggestion I have offered. The suggestion will not only improve living in your flat but also enhance the quality of your flat. Otherwise I would be left with no alternative but to do these changes myself instead of paying you a rent .

Parry07

Re: A tactful letter--> I need corrections :-( Help me, please!

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 08:39:46 GMT

Is this part allright? Or, did you make a mistake when checking my writing?

"You ought to take into consideration Â¿of?? my advices "

I have some questions. First, you changed "focus on" by "talk about" but I don't understand why the second one is better. The sentence is: "Firstly. I would like to talk about the main problem."

Then I wrote "The gas cooker is old and leaks gas" and you added "it often leaks", can't I omit the second subject as it is the same for both verbs?

"Secondly, I would like to highlight that the heating system is not strong enough as the temperature.." could I use since instead of as in this sentence?

Finally, I had written ""since they would highly improve the quality of your flat" instead of yours "as it is for your own good".. is it not more formal my sentence? why is it wrong?

Thank you!

Re: A tactful letter--> I need corrections :-( Help me, please!

whl626 — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 13:30:25 GMT

38 Boxing Road

Longdon

WK3294KAJ

Mr Smith

28 Searoad Avenue

London

CK39677DAJ

25th July

Dear Mr Smith,

Having been your tenant for the past seven months, I have been prompted to express my dissatisfaction with the quality of the devices and the systems in the flat along Boxing Road.

Firstly. I would like to talk about the main problem. The gas cooker is old and it often leaks gas. It is likely to cause explosion and the gas is hazardous to my health too. Well, you may not know about this issue but I must insist on replacing a new cooker as soon as possible. Moreover, I think it is better to have four rings in the cooker. Besides, I also want to let you know that the oven does not close properly and the cleaning assistants never clean the kitchen. Maybe, if you had a chance to speak with them this small problem would be solved.

Secondly, I would like to highlight that the heating system is not strong enough as the temperature is so low in the autumn not to mention about the long winter which is around the corner.

At last, there are two more problems: the windows and the panes. The former as well as the door do not shut properly so I recommend that they be changed. The latter are completely broken so I would suggest having a double-glazing instead of only changing the electric fires.

You ought to take into consideration of my advices as it is for your own good. Otherwise, I have no choice but to do some changes on my own from the rent.

Yours sincerely,

Ana GalÃ¡n.

A tactful letter--> I need corrections :-( Help me, please!

Anonymous — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 07:39:04 GMT

38 Boxing Road

London

WK3294KAJ

Mr Smith

28 Searoad Avenue

London

CK39677DAJ

25^th July

Dear Mr Smith,

Having been your tenant for seven months, I have been prompted to express my dissatisfaction with the quality of the devices and the systems in the flat of Boxing Road nowadays.

Secondly, I would like to highlight that the heating is not enough since there are no enough electric fires. The temperature during the autumn was a bit cold, although enough for the autumn. However, I am afraid that the heating will not be enough for the long winter, which is starting soon.

I must ask you to take into consideration these advices since they would highly improve the quality of your flat. Otherwise, I will have to do some changes by myself instead of paying for the rent.

Yours sincerely,

Ana GalÃ¡n.