ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: please check my paragraph

Mister Micawber — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:33:04 GMT

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And last of all Nicole, a pretty girl. When they got to school, everyone was gone. They were very late their first semester. They rushed into the room and started working.

Re: please check my paragraph

Anonymous — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:15:59 GMT

And last of all Nicole, Nicole is a girl that is cute and pretty.When they got to school everyone was gone they were super late on there first semester, they quickly rushed into the room and started there work.

Re: please check my paragraph

Clive — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 23:32:45 GMT

Hi,

The first thing I notice is that you have very big problems with run-on sentences. That means you are joining sentences just by using a comma. Thats not correct grammar. You shouldn't do that. Please try to go through and split your writing up into shorter sentences. I've corrected the first few lines for you as an example, in red.

After that, we can look at other errors, if you want to.

Clive.

check out my paragraph lots of erros rite..???Barack Obama was born in Hawaii to his dad Barak Hussein Obama black (Muslim) and his mom Kenya Ann Dunham (white) from Wichita, Kansas. T hey meet in a school in Hawaii there high school year. Barack had a very rough childhood. His parents divorced when he was only two years old. His mother then married Lolo Soetoro (also a Muslim.) When Obama turned 6 his family relocated to Indonesia. There he went to a Muslims school then transferred to a catholic school. In this city is where he started having teenage problems.Obama had a drug problem his dad was a smoker he was persuaded to smoke but he didnât thatâs what his first book was about. Obama has also written a lot of books he writes about a lot of things like humor and social contact with other people. Heâd attend the university of Barack has served on the boards of several civic and non-profit organizations. He is now married to a women named Michelle he also has two children that he loves very much Now Obama is a grown man, he is running in a presidential election to be president of the Untied States he has a very good chance of winning. He has won a lot of states his competition is Hilary Clinton who is also a nominee for president they are both democratic. Although Obama had a rough child hood he has grown to be a great man who wants to make change. He struggled a lot but over came his problems.

Re: please check my paragraph

Anonymous — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:20:22 GMT

to many mistakes and yea try again..

Re: please check my paragraph

Anonymous — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:18:14 GMT

check out my paragraph lots of erros rite..???Barack Obama was born in Hawaii to his dad Barak Hussein Obama black (Muslim) and his mom Kenya Ann Dunham (white) from Wichita, Kansas they meet in a school in Hawaii there high school year. Barack had a very rough childhood, his parents divorced when he was only two years old his mother then married Lolo Soetoro (also a Muslim.) When Obama turned 6 his family relocated to Indonesia, there he went to a Muslims school then transferred to a catholic school. In this city is where he started having teenage problems.Obama had a drug problem his dad was a smoker he was persuaded to smoke but he didnât thatâs what his first book was about. Obama has also written a lot of books he writes about a lot of things like humor and social contact with other people. Heâd attend the university of Barack has served on the boards of several civic and non-profit organizations. He is now married to a women named Michelle he also has two children that he loves very much Now Obama is a grown man, he is running in a presidential election to be president of the Untied States he has a very good chance of winning. He has won a lot of states his competition is Hilary Clinton who is also a nominee for president they are both democratic. Although Obama had a rough child hood he has grown to be a great man who wants to make change. He struggled a lot but over came his problems.

Re: please check my paragraph

Clive — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 00:42:20 GMT

Hi,

Dear editor

As a member of year 12 at loxford school i am writting my view about 17 year old gril has committed suicide. well, she dismissed in school beacuce the Headteacher said her she is trouble maker

So, where is your view? Did you forget to post it?

Best wishes, Clive

Re: please check my paragraph

Anonymous — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 14:19:25 GMT

Dear editor

As a member of year 12 at loxford school i am writting my view about 17 year old gril has committed suicide. well, she dismissed in school beacuce the Headteacher said her she is trouble maker

Re: please check my paragraph

Anonymous — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 22:50:19 GMT

An animal that interested me is a Sugar Glider. They live Australia, Indonesia and New guinea. They fly around to move .Sugar Gliders eat different varieties of food like insects, worms, baby birds, lizards, and a variety of fruits and berries, they also like sap, nectar. A Sugar Glider is endangered. They are getting killed by Goannas ,Foxes and Cats. Sugar gliders are about 5-6 inches , they have usually grey/silver fur with white bellies and a black stripe which extends from the tops of their heads to the end of their tails. A sugar glider chew their food like humans. Sugar Gliders mate during the winter and spring. It takes about 15 to 16 days after mating that sugar gliders baby passes through the sugar gliders body and crawl to it pouch from the pouch it takes 60 to 70 days to be born. Sugar glider change over the years when they are in a cage their whole life. They silently crash in their cage and die quietly. That is why sugar gliders interest me

Re: please check my paragraph

Anonymous — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 02:33:50 GMT

thanks

Re: please check my paragraph

Grammar Geek — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 00:31:08 GMT

El-kayser wrote:
Modern Technology We are on thresholds of a new era which is full of modern inventions. So, we have to apply modern technology in all fields of life. We should be careful ~~that~~ because modern technology is a double-edged ~~weapon~~ sword. One the one hand, it has ~~many potentialities~~ ~~which~~ a lot of potential to help man to lead a comfortable and luxurious life. It also has beneficial fruits - not a good word. For example, in the field of medicine, many medical instruments such as X-ray machine have been produced - moved this which ~~has~~ have - refers to machines the ability to diagnose and treat many curable diseases as well as lasers ~~rays~~. In the field of agriculture, it has helped farmers to save many months of hard work. Moreover, it has helped scientists to save so many years of hard work, research and experiments. On the other hand, it has made man lazier than before. He no longer uses his legs after inventing cars. He also, no comma here no longer uses his hands after inventing remote sets. This one is not a good example. In addition, ~~to that~~ it - use "technology" instead of "it" has managed - not a good word choice man to produce destructive weapons and weapons of mass destructive ~~ones~~. To sum up, we have to use modern technology in construction ways instead of destruction ones. If that can be done, there is no limit to the progress of human race.

"save many months of hard work" and "save so many years of hard work" don't really work. What did you mean to say?

It's not common to use "he" to refer to all of mankind any longer, and it can be considered sexist to refer to "man" these days instead of "people."

If you need another example to replace the one with the remote - which is NOT a good choice - consider how people interact with each other now instead of how they did in ages past.

Re: please check my paragraph

Anonymous — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 20:47:14 GMT

please check my paragraphs

Re: please check my paragraph

El-kayser — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 05:53:13 GMT

Modern Technology

We are on thresholds of a new era which is full of modern inventions. So, we have to apply modern technology in all fields of life. We should be careful that modern technology is a double-edged weapon. One the one hand, it has many potentialities which help man to lead a comfortable and luxurious life. It also has beneficial fruits. For example, in the field of medicine, many medical instruments have been produced such as X-ray machine which has the ability to diagnose and treat many curable diseases as well as laser rays. In the field of agriculture, it has helped farmers to save many months of hard word. Moreover, it has helped scientists to save so many years of hard work, research and experiments. On the other hand, it has made man lazier than before. He no longer uses his legs after inventing cars. He also, no longer uses his hands after inventing remote sets. In addition to that it has managed man to produce destructive weapons and mass destructive ones. To sum up, we have to use modern technology in construction instead of destruction. If that can be done, there is no limit to the progress of human race.

Re: please check my paragraph

YoHf — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 16:02:57 GMT

Ehm, where is the paragraph?

- YoHf

please check my paragraph

El-kayser — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 15:18:39 GMT

el-kayser
student from egypt