ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: would you please check my essay

Toto.. — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 20:06:34 GMT

hi grammergeek..

Thanks for reading my essay and for your notes.They were helpful.I'm gonna rewrite it again trying to follow your advices .

Actually I have another essay which I would like you take a look if you don't mind ...I'll be grateful if you did so..

thanks again

Re: would you please check my essay

Grammar Geek — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 02:24:28 GMT

Putting your text right justified makes it harder to read and seems to be doing odd things to your punctuation.

Some of your arguments don't follow.

First you say if you have the money, go for it. Then you say it should only be done for medical reasons only.

You need to fix this: In my point of view, However, having it done should only be acceptable if it is for `medical' reasons, which can include psychological ones. Perhaps only problem is the capitalized H.

Just about no one has breast reduction for cosmetic reasons. People seems to want bigger boobs, not smaller. If you have breast reduction surgery, it's probably because of long-term back pain and other medical maladies. Have you confused the words "reduction" with "augmentation"?

I would strongly suggest you leave God out of academic papers.

I think that saying cosmetic surgery is reserved only for wounded soldiers is a bit harsh. What about the child born with a cleft lip? What about the person attacked by a dog? What about the person burned in a fire?

The word is "struggle," not "straggle."

Something that deserves to be changed - however, this makes it sound like you're the judge. Who desides whether a birthmark that covers half my face and has made me afraid to meet people since childhood is more deserving than the terrible scar on your face from when you were in a car accident?

Re: would you please check my essay

Toto.. — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 23:21:42 GMT

Grammerstar21..thanks alot for ur responding .I am so glad that you did read my essay.I 'll take your advise.Thanks for the help.In fact I need more help with other essays which I'll post soon

Re: would you please check my essay

Grammerstar21 — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 20:15:47 GMT

I'm responding to your essay that you posted for corrections. You don't have to take my advice or make any changes I suggest, I'm only trying to help..

1. Forgot- the word should be forget

2. "other people do not have"- remove the word may

Good essay...If you need more help I am willing to do so

would you please check my essay

Toto.. — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 19:59:08 GMT

Hi everyone....this is an essay which i need u take a look at ..please correct my mistakes

Cosmetic surgery

Cosmetic surgery has become one of the most popular trends in the world today. Whether we are reading a magazine, watching the news, or a television program, we are likely to see something about cosmetic surgery.

Millions of people undergo risky surgery every year simply to improve or enhance a feature or body part. While the results may seem foolproof and glamorous, it is actually a very risky procedure. Cosmetic surgery is an individual's choice and if you want to have it done and you have the money then go for it. Such procedure is acceptable if there is a reasonable causes. In my point of view, However, having it done should only be acceptable if it is for `medical' reasons, which can include psychological ones.

I don't agree with people who have, for example, breast reduction surgery just for cosmetic reasons .They can be described as superficial and obsessed with looks. They may forgot that every single human is perfectly created and designed by God. In fact , we should thank God for the blessing of health which many other people may do not have.

On the other hand , there are some people who need such procedure. cosmetic surgery is intended and reserved to assist wounded and deformed soldiers in war. Soldiers that would return from battle with missing legs and cut faces entrusted their appearance to the hands of skilled surgeons.

To summarize, cosmetic surgery should not be a mere trend. We as wise people should not straggle to change something given to us from God unless it is something deserved to be changed.