ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Please check my presentation data

Umairshah — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 10:13:44 GMT

thanks julielai and Grammar Geek for your suggestion

Re: Please check my presentation data

Grammar Geek — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 23:21:08 GMT

Julie's comments are always wonderful, but I just want to add this:

Do NOT start a speech on communication using the phrase "I'm gonna."

Re: Please check my presentation data

julielai — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 21:48:44 GMT

Hi,

To make your speech effective, you need to practise what you preach-use simple words and "construct effective sentences and paragraphs".

Highlighted some things for you to fix. I'm not going to pick on your grammar as much since this is a speech.

My name is Umair and Iâm goanna talk to you on the 5^th c of effective communication. It is clarity. This word is deriving from the English word âclearâ. So we can state the main purpose of clarity is the make you speech (clunky) more understandable by using simple words and by constructing effective sentences and paragraphs.

In accordance with upper definition (wordy) we say ~~easily~~ say that clarity has two main points.

Number one: choose precise, familiar and common words.

Number two: ~~is to~~ construct effectual sentences and paragraphs.

According to first point, our word selection should be very easy to understand and it should be consisting on very familiar and common words. (Simplify) Like if we use the word âdiversityâ, most of us may not understand what ~~does~~ it means but instead of it, if we use the word âsuppositionâ or âhypothesisâ it would be ~~more~~ easier to understand than that and everyone can make a guess about it that it would be giving the mean of âthinkingâ. (Does not make any sense) In the same sense, we also should not use Latin terms like e.g, circa and etc. Instead of that we should use some appropriate English synonyms ~~of it~~.

Although it is appropriate to use technical terms and business jargons in some professional situation, but avoid it when you communicate with a person who is not familiar with these terminologies. If these terms are necessary ~~to use~~, then you must define them briefly and clearly. If you donât you may embarrass and confuse the reader. ~~You may enforce to explain later.~~ So always remember the readerâs capability to understand things like if you are talking with an illiterate person who even cannot understand Urdu and you are using English words with him he shall think that even you know his mental ability and than what the hell of you are saying.(Unclear. And too long.) So we can say that understanding the audience helps writer to choose familiar words.

Now let us come to our second point, which is to construct effective sentences and paragraphs. It has several other points to remember.

First one is the length of the sentence and shorter sentences are ~~more~~ preferable to longer ones and the recommended length of an average sentence is 17 to 20 words because more words may divert readerâs attention and may lose its attraction. (This sentence has more than 20 words)

Second, is your sentence should be strict (wording) with the basic theme of your message and your all sentences should indicating the main idea.

The third point is coherence. In ~~the~~ coherent sentences the words are correctly arranged so that they ~~ideas~~ clearly express the intended meaning.

The forth and the last point is to concentrate and give ~~most of~~ your importance on the main idea in ~~the largest part of~~ your speech and in your written material.

Re: Please check my presentation data

Umairshah — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 09:45:48 GMT

hmmmmmmm 15 views and still no reply.....am i perfect

Please check my presentation data

Umairshah — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 08:22:37 GMT

Hi everyone,

My presentation is on monday and I have prepared a meterial for that please help me to improve it.Thanks in advance.

Material is as following:

Hi,

My name is Umair and Iâm goanna talk to you on the 5^th c of effective communication. It is clarity. This word is deriving from the English word âclearâ. So we can state the main purpose of clarity is the make you speech more understandable by using simple words and by constructing effective sentences and paragraphs.

In accordance with upper definition we say easily say that clarity has two main points.

Number one: choosing precise, familiar and common words.

Number two: is to construct effectual sentences and paragraphs.

According to first point, our word selection should be very easy to understand and it should be consisting on very familiar and common words. Like if we use the word âdiversityâ, most of us may not understand what does it mean but instead of it, if we use the word âsuppositionâ or âhypothesisâ it would be more easier to understand than that and everyone can make a guess about it that it would be giving the mean of âthinkingâ. In the same sense, we also should not use Latin terms like e.g, circa and etc. Instead of that we should use some appropriate English synonyms of it.

Although it is appropriate to use technical terms and business jargons in some professional situation but avoid it when you communicate with a person who is not familiar with these terminologies. If these terms are necessary to use, then you must define them briefly and clearly. If you donât you may embarrass and confuse the reader. You may enforce to explain later. So always remember the readerâs capability to understand things like if you are talking with an illiterate person who even cannot understand Urdu and you are using English words with him he shall think that even you know his mental ability and than what the hell of you are saying. So we can say that understanding the audience helps writer to choose familiar words.

Now let us come to our second point, which is to construct effective sentences and paragraphs. It has several other points to remember.

First one is the length of the sentence and shorter sentences are more preferable than longer one and the recommended length of an average sentence is 17 to 20 words because more words may divert readerâs attention and may lose its attraction.

The second one is your sentence should be strict with the basic theme of your message and your all sentences should indicating the main idea.

The third point is coherence. In the coherent sentence the words are correctly arranged so that the ideas clearly express the intended meaning.

The forth and the last point is to concentrate and give most of your importance on main idea in the largest part of your speech and in your written material.