ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Please proofread my thesis =D

Anonymous — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 04:18:44 GMT

Thanks again for your reply

Re: Please proofread my thesis =D

Mister Micawber — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 22:09:45 GMT

No, that is not 'faulty reference'; it is fine. In my opinion the repetition of the age is faulty style.

Re: Please proofread my thesis =D

Kaito1412kid — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 21:58:04 GMT

Thank you Mister Micawber,

Thats a great thesis, thanks again! However, I have one question regarding your thesis.

In my opinion, the legal drinking age in my province should be 21. By that age, young people have reached adulthood, have acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decisions, and have been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.

Isnt that faulty reference? should I do:

In my opinion, the legal drinking age in my province should be 21. By the age of 21, young people have reached adulthood, have acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decisions, and have been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.

Thanks a lot,

Kaito

Re: Please proofread my thesis =D

Mister Micawber — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 13:07:21 GMT

Hello Kaito,

I like this:

In my opinion, the legal drinking age in my province should be 21. By that age, young people have reached adulthood, have acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decisions, and have been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.

Please proofread my thesis =D

Kaito1412kid — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 09:51:43 GMT

Dear Experts,

Hi, I have been wondering whether to use my first thesis format or my second thesis format in making my thesis statement for:

Argumentative essay - What do you think the legal drinking age in your province should be? Give examples (be specific)!

My first format:

In my opinion, the legal drinking age should be 21 years old because by the age of 21: an individual has reached adulthood; an individual has acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decision; and above all, an individual has been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.

My second format

In my opinion, the legal drinking age should be 21 years old because by the age of 21 an individual has reached adulthood, has acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decision, and has been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.

Also, is it grammatically correct to use "an individual has acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decision" ?

On top of that, =) please let me know if I have made some mistakes or if there are better format/sentence structures for this type of essay.

Thanks in advance,

Kaito