Please can some one help me correct my letter of motivation

Showboy — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 11:14:43 GMT

I am Malaysia and applying for a masters degree in diplomacy Please can some check on the structure as well as content of my letter. It's urgent pls because the last date is monday 7 2008 . Thanks all in advance

Letter of Motivation

I wish to apply for admission to pursue a Masterâs Degree in Diplomacy at Yale University in September 2008.

Prior to my university study, diplomacy has always influenced my choice of study stemming from the fact that diplomacy is an important factor in the development of any society. Why? Society needs decisive leaders on the international scene, to protect its interests.

My university academic background is based on two major disciplines, Public Administration and history, which are some of the core subjects in diplomacy. There the curriculum for Political Science and History was based on Administrative Responsibility and Accountability and International Relations.

I studied in two areas related to diplomacy because I believed that I would be preparing myself to pursue a career in diplomacy or working in an international organization and to become a leader whose decision would have a positive effect on society. During my studies at the university, I was involved in various presentations, brainstorming, and discussion groups in which I had the opportunity to start training my leadership skills. By the time I successfully completed my studies, I had acquired excellent leadership, administrative, and organizational skills. I was inspired to think critically, reflect and put forward my ideas, and go beyond surfaces. I have learned to apply critical thought to real life situations. I believe the sum of all this makes me suitable to pursue a Masters in diplomacy.

After three years of study, I was employed to head the developement program of an international non governmental organization. Why a fresh graduate to head the program? This was a result of the development programs I submitted to the organization prior to my interview. I clearly exhibited my leadership skills through the various programs I initiated such as the youth leadership program aimed at youths. We thought them to carry out responsibilities bestowed on them. As well our aim was to reduce juvenile delinquency, and to improve the life of the under privileged by introducing several ways of generating income.

In 2001, I decided to go abroad to expand my work experience in an international arena, experience a foreign culture, and broaden my scope on life. England is my prime destination due to its growing economy and its role in international politics. I was employed to head the international department of a foreign company, specializing in labor import, exportation and developmental project analysis and implementation. Here, I have the chance to work on an international level and improve my intercultural skills. Within an international team, I work on competitive development programs for foreign companies looking for suitable developmental projects. I write reports about their strategy and implementation.

While working in England, I always ponder why Africa and other parts of the world are plagued with civil and tribal wars, political crises, and slow economic growth. Most of the peace talks always turn out to be futile thus paving the way for more fighting and political problems in our society. After a careful analysis of the whole situation, I realize that Africa and other parts of the world needs leaders with strong technical and analytical skills to solve these problems. As a result, I am motivated to pursue a master degree in in diplomacy. This is going to lead me to my career ambition of being a diplomat.

After a careful research and analysis of more than thirty universities in terms of their programs and course structures, I chose Yale Universitybecause of its well defined Masters of diplmacy program, I believe I will go a long way to enhance my leadership skills. Its mobility program with other outstanding universities will give me the opportunity to interact with fellow students from different cultural backgrounds, views and opinions. Its creative and analytical seminars are also an impetus in my decision to study at the institute. Taking part in such seminars, I will be building a strong foundation for my future career.

I am excited about my decision to pursue a master degree in diplomacy at Yale University. In conclusion I ask for the opportunity to pursue my goal.

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Please can some one help me correct my letter of motivation