Re: Please help check out this essay.

julielai — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 02:51:21 GMT

Highlighted a few glaring errors for you to fix.

Zoe young

ISSUE :The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.

~~Is really the case as the speaker contends that~~ Is the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare? The speakerâs assertion is tempting when it comes to various ways of living a life, innumerous optional products (odd) in shopping, etc, however, to have a deep and thorough reflection over the choices we donât take, will reveal ~~us a fact that~~ choices available is really only a few (what do you mean?).

Consider, when we first come to earth, we have no choice over who will be our parents, later on, the social values instilled into our minds left us with no options in defining right from wrong since parents and teachers are making all the judgments ~~work~~ for us while our job is only to follow, gradually we form our character, which ultimately separate us what the speaker mentioned that circumstances absent of choices is very, very rare. The education we received, the restriction our values system and outlooks of the world placed on us has always been hampering us substantially from myriads of choices.

The fetters imposed by the ingrained assumptions we take in our lives can be aptly demonstrated in the instances of womenâs status in the Middle East world. (Make it simpler) ~~One of the many progress of modern society has achieved is the heightened status of women throughout the world. However,~~ consider the women of the Middle East~~, this extraordinary change in womenâs status could hardly be inferred from their lives~~. It is a social assumption that they should stay at home, nurturing children and taking care of the elders, obeying all the orders from her husband. Women in such a society hardly have any choice to be a working woman, to be a learned female or at least to search the true self. Indeed there are choices for women, but these are the choices of what is the date for a her marriage, when she will go out to markets. Women of this world are held back ~~in house~~ and most often they seldom think there being any necessary for a change. Thereby, we may come to a conclusion that the environment, all kinds of social ideologies, ~~circumscribe and~~ prevent us from other possible developments. Thus, the authorâs assertion pales in the face of ~~all kinds of~~ the inveterate social value system.

However, it is not my intention to conclude that we will live a miserable life due to the destined environment and destined choices we could only make. More importantly an incisive understanding of how profound impact external factors have on us allows us a chance to break the fetters imposed on our minds so that give us ~~a rise and courage for~~ more choices in life. Only by liberate our minds and rise above to all kinds of boundaries can we come to real innumerous choices.

To summarize up, had it not been we are fettered with all kinds of conventional ideas or values, or limited by some other economic conditions, the choices in life will be numerous ~~as the speaker maintained~~. Thereby, in order to strive for more choices really available to us, we need rise to all kinds of conventional ideas and boundaries.

thanks in advance

Please help check out this essay.

Zoe young — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 18:08:37 GMT

ISSUE :The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.

Is really the case as the speaker contends that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare? The speakerâs assertion is tempting when it comes to various ways of living a life, innumerous optional products in shopping, etc, however, to have a deep and thorough reflection over the choices we donât take, will reveal us a fact that choices available is really only a few.

Consider, when we first come to earth, we have no choice over who will be our parents, later on, the social values instilled into our minds left us with no options in defining right from wrong since parents and teachers are doing all the judgment work for us while our job is only to follow, gradually we form our character, which ultimately separate us what the speaker mentioned that circumstances absent of choices is very, very rare. The education we received, the restriction our values system and outlooks of the world placed on us has always been hampering us substantially from myriads of choices.

The fetters imposed by the ingrained assumptions we take in our lives can be aptly demonstrated in the instances of womenâs status in the Middle East world. One of the many progress of modern society has achieved is the heightened status of women throughout the world. However, consider the women of the Middle East, this extraordinary change in womenâs status could hardly be inferred from their lives. It is a social assumption that they should stay at home, nurturing children and taking care of the elders, obeying all the orders from her husband. Women in such a society hardly have any choice to be a working woman, to be a learned female or at least to search the true self. Indeed there are choices for women, but these are the choices of what is the date for a her marriage, when she will go out to markets. Women of this world are held back in house and most often they seldom think there being any necessary for a change. Thereby, we may come to a conclusion that the environment, all kinds of social ideologies, circumscribe and prevent us from other possible developments. Thus, the authorâs assertion pales in the face of all kinds of the inveterate social value system.

However, it is not my intention to conclude that we will live a miserable life due to the destined environment and destined choices we could only make. More importantly an incisive understanding of how profound impact external factors have on us allows us a chance to break the fetters imposed on our minds so that give us a rise and courage for more choices in life. Only by liberate our minds and rise above to all kinds of boundaries can we come to real innumerous choices.

To summarize up, had it not been we are fettered with all kinds of conventional ideas or values, or limited by some other economic conditions, the choices in life will be numerous as the speaker maintained. Thereby, in order to strive for more choices really available to us, we need rise to all kinds of conventional ideas and boundaries.

thanks in advance

ESL Essay, Writing World

Re: Please help check out this essay.

Please help check out this essay.